Vendio Research Claims “First Loser” Prize at 2009 eBay Star Developer Awards
Employees Found Muttering and Twittering
Sad Mateo, California. June 17, 2009. Vendio Services, Inc. today learned of their shocking defeat at eBay’s Developer Conference, being named “Runner-Up” in the Most Innovative Application category. While acknowledging their appreciation for this prestigious honor, it didn’t take their ridiculously awesome Vendio Research to identify the sadness behind their bold public faces.
Adorned in his “Second Place is the First Loser” t-shirt, EVP Mike Effle humbly accepted the award and vowed to drive on toward 2010. He was later caught in the hallway of eBay’s Developer’s Conference muttering something about Vendio’s previous victories in this competition, being the only ones with eBay Motors data, and having started Research years ago even before eBay knew such analytics were useful to the Marketplace.
Back at the office, Vendio employees had to stop themselves from methodically chanting, “We’re Number Two!!!” when their confusing peace signs attracted an enormous hippie following and the ensuing drum circle disrupted the workplace environment. Most sheepishly admitted it was “fun while it lasted” despite their affinity for South Park’s Cartman.
Ardent race fan and Account Manager Chris was the first to post on Twitter that Bobby Unser eloquently said, “Nobody remembers who finished second but the guy who finished second.” He later realized that it was no time for elocution and simply quoted Stroker Ace’s “Second sucks.” Unfortunately, he lost followers when trying to describe the confusion around Ricky Bobby’s “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” And “last” just sounded worse than “first loser” anyway.
Upon hearing the news, the office Top Gun fans immediately began constructing the mantle in the ladies bathroom as the rightful place for the alternate’s plaque while noting that there indeed are “no points for second place.” Tom Cruise could not be reached for comment.
Finally, office marathon runner Tim recalled Carlos Lopes saying: “Second place is not a defeat. It is a stimulation to get better. It makes you even more determined.” With that, the team huddled in the ladies bathroom, gazed upon the mantle that would hold their prize and vowed not to rest until 2010, when they fully expect to capture the First Winner prize.
