posted on July 10, 2001 09:27:16 AM new
To anyone who is bothered by my reference to "homosexual molesters", understand the issue here. There is a profound difference between heterosexual molestation, which is usually carried out by family members, and homosexual molestation, which is a contagious virus passed from victim to next victim.
They're just different.
Parents, mothers in particular, have a pretty good intuitive understanding of heterosexual molestation. They might have been targets themselves at one time.
However, many mothers are often utterly blinded to the threat posed by the homosexual molester. It's a mechanism which is foreign to their experience.
That's the distinction which needs to be made. One cannot apply an understanding of heterosexual molestation to the threat of homosexual molestation.
posted on July 10, 2001 09:51:47 AM new
This is one of those topics that has a lot of emotion tied to it. I assume nobody would feel that child molestion is harmless. I don't think you will find many adults who refuse to admit it exist. Keeping our children safe is the most important thing any of us can do. How do you go about it?
Do we teach our children to not trust anyone?
Do we throw suspicion on anyone who seems a bit too friendly to a child?
Do we assume that certain people and actions automatically signal danger?
If we teach our children at an early age to be fearful, apprehensive or suspicious, how is that going to affect them later in life?
A few years back, our school district bought a booklet to be handed out to kindergarten and first grade students. It was titled "When To Say No". Sounded like a good idea at the time. However, I really don't know what credentials the author of the booklet had. We assumed they were some sort of expert. I was brought a copy by a concerned friend (who had a child in the 1st grade). I was shocked! It brought a chill up my spine. It was presented with lots of cartoon like drawings. It started out with the school nurse and worked it's way through policeman, fireman, the nice lady next door, the nice man next door, the family minister, the family doctor. Ironically, the only adults not mentioned were family members . That alone made me feel the entire thing was garbage. From what I have gathered over the years (since this was brought out of the closet) a child is probably more likely to be molested by a family member than a stranger.
The "examples" of appropriate or inappropriate gestures and actions would have been laughable if it had not been such a serious subject. The child was instructed that if they were made to feel uncomfortable, they should immediately leave and go tell a parent.
Heaven forbid anyone should ever give them a hug or a pat on the arm or pick them up or hold their hand or be overly nice to them because all these actions were presented as a things to watch out for!
Although most parents didn't seem to have an opinion (which I found disturbing) on it one way or the other, those that were concerned the wrong message was being sent and perhaps a better booklet needed to be found, were vocal so the school dropped the program.
How do we balance our need to protect our children against making our children fearful and suspicious?
posted on July 10, 2001 09:58:50 AM new
I figure this is almost the last area in which there is public agreement that it is a BAD behavior even if there is not agreement as to how or why people engage in it.
I really expect to see people try to say that it is just what their nature is and should not be a subject of persecution if it is pursued in print and in virtual reality so that no actual children are harmed.
Every other frontier of sexual behavior has been absolved of ill repute except for bestiality and incest until they are fodder for prime time TV. What is common entertainment now was unspeakable 3 generations ago.
posted on July 10, 2001 10:09:59 AM new"However, many mothers are often utterly blinded to the threat posed by the homosexual molester. It's a mechanism which is foreign to their experience."
So you are stating there has never been a female molested by a homosexual molester or that since it is a mechanism they have no experience with, they could not possibly recognize it? Are you saying that IF one does NOT have a personal EXPERIENCE with molestation, they cannot recognize or understand it exist??? You draw this conclusion from what?????
As already stated a molester is a molester, it does not matter whether they are female or male, homosexual or heterosexual. They exist across all ages, all genders, all social and economic AND professional broundries.
Posting statements like the ones you have posted thus far, does no good at all! It only tends to diminish your credibility.
posted on July 10, 2001 10:16:30 AM newSo you are stating there has never been a female molested by a homosexual molester
Paula Poundstone not withstanding, the threat of female homosexual molesting is so low that it need not be defended against.
In fact, females in general are simply not child molesters. Occasionally a female goes off track and falls in love with a young boy, but it's so rare it makes the national news.
posted on July 10, 2001 10:44:25 AM newAs already stated a molester is a molester, it does not matter whether they are female or male, homosexual or heterosexual. They exist across all ages, all genders, all social and economic AND professional broundries.
Careful, sulyn. We don't want to dazzle him with too much common sense and fairness.
posted on July 10, 2001 10:49:24 AM new
There is NO difference between homosexual and hetrosexual molesters. BOTH are pedophiles. The victims are equally harmed no matter which type they were molested by.
This type of sterotyping of homosexuals as pedophiles is wrong and causes a lot of problems.
One argument used by the ignorant is that homosexuals should not be allowed around children beacuase they are A. pedophiles, and B. they will "turn" the children into homosexuals.
By this reasoning, one should not allow their daughters to be around hetrosexual males, whether teachers or otherwise, becuase they are pedophiles and will teach their daughters to be sexually attracted to other girls. Samr goes for male children being around female teachers.
posted on July 10, 2001 10:59:56 AM new
Facts about Child Sexual Abuse
A child is sexually abused every two seconds
1 in every 4 children will be sexually abused by the age of eighteen
1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused
40% of child sexual abuse cases the abuser is the parent
45% of child sexual abuse cases the abuser is known to the child
15% of child sexual abuse cases the abuser is a stranger to the child
95% of the cases involving girls, the abuser is a male
80% of the cases involving boys, the offender is a male
Less than 10% of child sexual abuse cases come to the attention of the authorities
2% of allegations of sexual abuse by children are false
Many parents are traumatized by the fact their child has been sexually abused
Sexual abuse can occur from infancy through adolescence and it takes place among all
economic, religious, and ethnic groups
posted on July 10, 2001 11:01:34 AM new
More Facts You Should Know About Child Sexual Abuse
WHAT IS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
Child sexual abuse is the exploitation of a child or adolescent under the age of 17 by an adult (or another child at least two years older than the victim) for the purpose of the offender's own sexual gratification.
Child or adolescent sexual abuse can be physical or non-physical. Non-physical sexual abuse includes: Exhibitionism (indecent exposure), Voyeurism (peeping in doors/windows), Child Pornography. Physical sexual abuse of a child or adolescent can be non-violent or violent andncludes: Fondling of a child's genitals, Non-violent Sexual Intercourse, Incest, Violent acts, such as rape.
WHO SEXUALLY ABUSES CHILDREN
Child molesters come from all socioeconomic classes. Many are respected citizens in their community.
According to most studies, offenders start molesting children before they are 30 years old; therefore, it is not just the "dirty old man" that your child should be cautious of.
Pedophiles are usually not prosecuted or convicted.
There is increasing evidence to suggest that many incestuous fathers are abusing children outside the home at the same time they are having sexual relations with their own children and with their wives.
Both incestuous and nonincestuous pedophiles are similarly aroused to children.
Sexual abuse involves in part sexual urges, sexual fantasies involving children, and sexual arousal to children as sexual objects.
There is no indication that any specific psychological profile is useful in describing who is likely to abuse children sexually.
The problems associated with pedophiles include alcohol and drug abuse, feelings of inadequacy, depression, poor impulse control and poor self-concepts. Therapist is clear that correcting these problems is not necessarily going to help the pedophile control the problem of sexual abuse of children.
Pedophilia is a psychosexual disorder characterized by a sexual desire for and sexual acts with prepubescent children. Onset of the disorder can occur from adolescence through old age, and it occurs predominantly in males.
About two-thirds of pedophiliacs are attracted to children of the opposite sex.
Based on evidence from criminal court records pedophiles usually know the children that they abuse. Most pedophiles resort to deception rather than force. Although much is known about pedophilia, pedophiles themselves are difficult to treat and recidivism rates are high.
It is rare that a molester will stop after one victim or one incident. Many molesters are responsible for abusing large numbers of children. Some studies show averages between 50 and 100 victims per offender.
Many sexual offenders were under the influence of alcohol/drugs at the time the offense was committed.
Very few offenders (less than 5%) are diagnosed as being mentally challenged or psychotic.
Many child abusers have trouble dealing with other adults. Some offenders have never had a "normal" male/female relationship, even though they may be married.
Pedophiles are not necessarily easy to pick out. They may have the appearance of respectability and may hold positions of authority.
WHO ARE THE VICTIMS
Most experts agree that boys and girls have an equal chance of being sexually abused, although some children are more likely to become victims than others. A child who is easily controlled by adults is an easy target.
Most molesters are known and trusted by their victims and use threats or rewards, not violence, to manipulate children into cooperating.
Factors on aftereffects of child sexual abuse:
Age of victim - the older the victim, the more likely to experience serious aftereffects.
Age of pedophile - the older the pedophile, the more likely that the victim will suffer serious aftereffects.
Gender of pedophile - children victimized by males are more likely to experience serious reactions.
Use of physical force - if physical force is used on the child, the aftereffects maybe more severe.
Frequency of abuse - the more often the sexual abuse occurs, the greater the likelihood of severe aftereffects.
Duration of abuse - abuse that occurs over greater spans of time will be more likely to result in severe aftereffects.
Severity of the abuse - more serious sexual behavior is more likely to result in serious aftereffects.
Relationship of pedophile to victim - the closer the relationship, the greater the likelihood of severe reactions.
There has been very little written about treatment beyond the initial crisis intervention stage. There has been no research validating one treatment approach over another.
Sexual abuse prevention involves teaching children concepts and skills believed to be useful in preventing or escaping their own sexual victimization.
WHAT IF YOUR CHILD IS SEXUALLY ABUSED
If a child tells you that he/she had been sexually abused, believe him/her. A child rarely lies about being sexually abused.
If a child tells you that he/she has been sexually abused, control your temper.
Reassure the child that you are not angry at him/her. They are probably already dealing with guilt feelings, especially if the offender is a relative or close family friend.
Do not blame the child for what happened. Cooperation is not he same as consent. A child doesn't have the mental capacity to consent to sexual interactions.
Fear can keep a child from telling someone for a long time.
Keep the lines of communication open. Encourage your children to ask questions and talk about problems.
A medical examination conducted by a sensitive and trained physician can be helpful to the child and her family. As physicians become more effective at giving children rectal and genital exams, they are becoming more adept at identifying signs of sexual trauma such as scar tissue. Very important in lending support to especially very young children.
The importance of treatment for the child can not be overstressed. It is an integral component of society’s response to sexually abused children.
A child once victimized is at risk to be victimized again.
In incest, as well as other sexual offenses, medical evidence could prove, for example, that a five year old girl has a perforated hymen. But it is impossible to prove that it was perforated as a result of sexual abuse unless the child is taken to the hospital immediately after it happens.
Sexual abuse cases are usually tried in criminal court, where defense counsel tactics include postponements and cross-examination techniques designed to confuse and discredit the child. In practical terms, sexual offenses against children go unreported, unprosecuted, unconvicted; offenders and children go untreated; society goes unprotected.
In some cases in which children have been abused, animals were killed before the children and the children told that a similar fate awaited them or their parents if they revealed what had happened to them. Children’s stuffed animals have been torn apart or buried in the ground and children told they would be similarly treated if they didn’t go along with the adults or if they told about their abuse.
There is concern that some suspicions of child sexual abuse go unreported because of unwillingness by those required to report, which is all of us.
The increase in reported cases is dramatic in most states, in no state are sexually abused children being identified at anywhere near the rate that would be expected given the estimates based on adult samples from the general population.
Defense attorneys are becoming increasingly aggressive in fighting charges of sexual abuse. More defense attorneys appear confident they can win sexual abuse cases by charging that abused children have been “brainwashed” to say sexual abuse has happened when it hasn’t.
No one has estimated the cost of sexual abuse in terms of human suffering, lost productivity, or social problems such as alcohol, drug abuse and violence, the real costs to society are undoubtedly large.
Some parent, however, will not act so as to protect their children. The reasons for this vary and include: disbelief that an adult they live could really “do that” to a child; great emotional or financial dependency on the alleged pedophile; and (in rare cases) participation in the sexual abuse of the child.
While it may be true that removing the child is traumatic for all concerned, it does not follow that this trauma is greater than the trauma of sexual abuse. The key point is that separation of the child and the pedophile is incest cases is virtually the only way to be sure the child will not be pressured to change her story.
What kind of problems might a person who was sexually abused as a child have in adult life:
Feelings of guilt or blame.
Feelings of isolation and of being different from others, of being “marked”.
Low self-esteem, depression.
Feelings of vulnerability, confusion about who to trust, difficulty trusting others, trusting the wrong people, inability to get close to others.
Abuse of self by destructive behavior, including drug and alcohol dependency, suicide attempts, promiscuity.
Tendency to get involved in physically, sexually, or emotionally abusive relationships with others.
Difficulty expressing anger appropriately; either an inability to express it at all, or a tendency to express too much.
Difficulty saying “no” and setting limits on the behavior of others toward oneself.
Sexual problems, such as lack of enjoyment of sex, intrusion of bad memories, or feelings of guilt and shame.
Tendency to dissociate, or “space out”.
Nightmares or sleep disorders.
Withdrawal from activities and behavioral regression.
Academic problems and non-academic behavior problems.
Daydreaming, loss of memory, inability to concentrate and runs away or takes off.
Psychosomatic complaints, panic/anxiety attacks or indiscriminate affection giving or receiving.
Body image problems and eating disorders.
Minor/major problems with police.
posted on July 10, 2001 12:49:34 PM new
I think one of the problems on this thread is confusion of the term homosexual child abuse. Perhaps a better term might be same sex pedophilia.
The fact is that most same sex pedophiles are heterosexual adults or are fixated solely on children. They are not homosexual if you define that as being attracted to adults of the same sex as themselves.
