There is nothing wrong with feeling relieved, whether for yourself, for her, or both. Take solace in the fact that you may have been the only person she ever knew who showed her unconditional kindness.
I hope her estate has made provisions for the care of the son and grandson. They ought to be the beneficiaries, not the churches. Also, you deserve to be compensated if it cost you money to place her and keep her in the nursing home.
Thanks, for the kind words. She had more insurance than she ever needed and we didn't pay for the nursing home. She was very wealthy and the son and grandson were and will be taken care of financially. The problem is that neither have any concept of money. If either wanted anything they would just go get it and she would get the bill. In that manner things will change drastically for them.
The father got taken in by people making Crystal Meth. a couple of years ago and pretty well went through all of his CD's and savings but there was some he didn't know about that is left plus it will be added to. Our area is a prime place to make Crystal Meth. because of the anhydrous ammonia the farmers use. My husband caught he and a couple of his friends stealing some of his which finally clued us into what was really going on. We didn't realize it but started watching him closely and he was showing the symptoms of usage which explains why he was going through 5000 dollars a week. We thought he was gambling at first. Anyway the State Police were brought into it and cleaned things up around here. He then went through withdrawal which wasn't pretty. Things are set up now that he can get only so much money.
The grandson always stayed close to his grandmother with the exception of going to ballgames and the kids have always been extra nice to him.
posted on July 31, 2000 12:00:20 AM new
Hi Calamity, I'm a little late hooking up tonight - but wanted to express my sincere condolences for your loss.
It's normal to feel guilty for feeling relief at your friends passing. It doesn't matter how much you love a person, the pressure and stress of being a caretaker can take its tole and once it's finally over, it's only natural to feel relief - from all the stress.
Of course, it's replaced by a new stress of dealing with the loss. I went through a similar situation when my mother-in-law died and it was one of the toughest times in my life. I got on my knees and thanked God every morning that I was in a position to be able to nurse her and take care of her like I wanted to. Then I cried every night and told God that I couldn't do it another day. The worst part was watching her die. When she died I felt her spirit entering the other realm and it was pure ecstacy. I knew she was finally free of the pain. Then I looked down at her broken empty shell and thought that I would die too. I couldn't imagine living without her. We all have mixed feeling when we lose someone we love. Just know that your friend has your love with her even now and that, to me at least, is the most important thing.
posted on July 31, 2000 12:03:13 AM new
Calamity...
I have often thought that you were a very special person just by your posts......
Now I know that you are truly ARE a VERY SPECIAL PERSON...
My and Vic's thoughts are with you, and I am feeling VERY proud of that "Midwestern" conscience that was distilled into us at birth...
Thoughts of love...
Keith
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except
the ones that are someone else's fault.
posted on July 31, 2000 12:31:33 AM newCalamity: In no way are your feelings of relief inappropriate. It is obvious from your description that her quality of life had gone drastically downhill. There comes a time when death is a merciful release. Your love & care of her & her dependents shines out.
posted on July 31, 2000 05:40:53 AM new
Calamity, it must have been really tough to go through all that with her, I'm so glad she had you there and that you were so kind to her. IMHO it's normal to be relieved in a way when someone you care about doesn't have to suffer anymore. I'm feel she appreciated from the bottom of her heart everything you did for her and is smiling down on you now. I think it's tougher on the living to deal with someone passing away.
posted on July 31, 2000 05:41:37 AM new
Calamity49,
First of all let me apologize for taking so long. As you may imagine, Sundays are a very busy day for me and a spend little time in cyber-space, and I did not notice your post last night.
Your feelings of relief are quite normal and appropriate. Many on this thread have stated that very efficiently so rest assured that they are right.
If I may I would like to address a sub-situation which you have mentioned. That is the fact that the Pastor of the church that she attended for 93 years very seldom visited her or was even familiar with her situation or condition. Not to mince words but to me that is an outrage. People who have been called by God, (yes, I said people, not men. My associate pastor is a woman. The very first individual to be told to go and tell that Jesus was raised from the dead, which basically is evangelism was a woman. Those that say women do not belong in preaching, teaching, or pastoral duties, are off base. I am sorry I got of the subject.) We who have been called, are called to be shepherds of flocks, not CEO's. This person had a duty before God to comfort and console this women and her family, including you and your family. Given the facts that you have stated I feel this individual failed miserably. I am not judging, only inspecting the fruit of a work. That pastor needs much prayer, which if you don't mind I will do.
On the surface it would appear that this lady lived a less than comfortable life. I understand that, and unfortunately I have no flowery words that can change that. What I can say, however, is that God can see the whole picture, we cannot. And more times than not, we cannot understand. If God was small enough to be understood, then He would not be big enough to worship.
You undertook a prodigious and commendable work by bringing hope, happiness and spurts of health to this women. What you have done is the most unselfish thing any human can do for another, you sacrificed many hours of your time, money and yes blood, sweat and tears to bring a little comfort to whom many would perceive as "just and old woman."
The term Christian literally means "Christlike." Unfortunately the vast majority of those who call themselves Christian or Christlike, do not have a clue what it means and do not come near to being Christlike. I do not know if you profess to be a Christian, but let me assure you that what you have done is truly "Christlike." And ultimately in my theology, that is all that matters.
I hope these words are some sort of comfort. To others who would not agree with my theology. Please, I do not wish to have any contentious debates regarding theology on any AW board. I have been called to proclaim Jesus and shepherd a flock, not to defend or debate Him. He is perfectly capable of defending Himself. I have made these comments because I was graciously asked to by calamity49, and I was happy to do so.
The rev is lurking, it is good to be needed.
Edited for spelling
[ edited by pastorleon on Jul 31, 2000 05:45 AM ]
You are absolutlely right. Lurking ideed is not Christlike. So how about. . .
The rev is. . . non-conspicuously reading posts on this website, searching out those posts which he feels would be profoundly advantageous to answer with witty quips that may bring a few moments of enjoyment to someones otherwise mundane twenty-four hour period. . . if needed.
edited to add I'm always to second to admit it when I'm wrong.
[ edited by pastorleon on Jul 31, 2000 07:38 AM ]
posted on July 31, 2000 08:43:12 AM new
calamity..I had a friend who died of cancer two years ago, she left five children and an adoring husband behind.
At the church service they chimed the bell once for every year of her life on earth. It seemed to go on forever ,42 chimes, I can remember thinking I wouldn't make it through the service if the ringing didn't stop soon.
And then it stopped. The silence was even worse.
Grief can leave you with very conflicting emotions. I was glad she was free of pain but I felt guilty as though wishing her free of pain was somehow the same as wishing her dead. On one level I knew that wasn't so but things get all confused in your mind at this time.
Those doubts have stopped now and so will yours. You did right by her in her lifetime and that is all we can do.
Your in my prayers
posted on July 31, 2000 08:52:21 AM newPastorleon Just wanted to say that your post helped restore my confidence in pastors... over the years I've become very jaded where pastors are concerned. I'm sure your words touched many here.
SgtMike I may be the only one that feels this way, but since this was obviously a personal journey that Calamity wished to share, I think it would be kind of you to edit the actual names of the family from your post. IMO the inclusion of their names should be her choice.
Calamity I hope you're feeling better today. Lots of hugs your way!
posted on July 31, 2000 09:00:18 AM newmybiddness,
You are not the only one who felt it was wrong for the names and identifying location to be posted. Given the highly personal and sensitive information posted by Calamity, the subsequent details changed the entire tone of the thread. If one post isn't deleted, the other should be, to protect the family. JMO.
posted on July 31, 2000 09:03:32 AM new
calamity...we all have the opportunity to be an Angel on earth. But only very special people, like yourself, ever avail themselves of the opportunity.
Thanks for bringing some joy into this woman's life while she was here to enjoy it.
posted on July 31, 2000 11:46:29 AM new
Some of the posters/readers in this forum mistakenly believe that excised or summarized information given by another is and remains concealed. Such mistaken belief is caused by geographical distance (not from the area of discussion or disclosure), and the mistaken belief there are never more than one person from the area in question using a computer and using the same forum.
To those from the area, Calam's general location of her residence was revealed by her. When she talked about the shooting incident that occurred in her area (PT police officer accidentally shot young boy), and that her husband was a responding EMT, she informed many from her area what area she lived in and who she may be. When she revealed she was a tenant of the deceased, she (then) informed people from the area who she is and where she lives. She tightened up their belief by the additional stories she provided regarding her care of the deceased.
Maybe to you who live outside the geographical area believe calam's story was private and individual to her, to those who are from the area, and have read or are aware of her posting(s), her information is sometimes personally invasive.
posted on July 31, 2000 12:20:16 PM new
In light of that, sgtmike, Calamity should either delete her post or ask that the thread be WOMB'd. I hadn't realized that, even without the identifying information you provided, the location could be determined based on her prior posts. (I avoided that murder thread, which was pretty horrible.)
No disrespect for Calamity's grief, but there was no need to disclose past criminal activity on the part of bereaved family members in order to mark her loss. I'm sorry this woman is dead, but posting like this disserves her memory.
posted on July 31, 2000 12:26:43 PM new
You know, Sarge. The approach you've chosen to take strikes me as rather irrational.
If I had viewed Calamity's posting the way you had (and I didn't), I would have e-mailed her (or even posted) suggesting to her that she edited her post, letting her know that she was revealing a lot more than she probably intended.
Instead, you posted names and specific geographic location, under the guise of outrage that SHE was revealing personal information.
Calamity was posting in grief and perhaps not thinking too clearly. What was your excuse?
posted on July 31, 2000 12:37:50 PM new
Let us break down the specific messages in calam's latest release to the world, but quite informative to friends and family of the deceased and people from the deceased's locale.
According to friend, his opinion is, calam may have,
-defamed the deceased's father
-defamed an uncle of the deceased
-defamed the deceased's husband
-defamed the deceased's son
-defamed the deceased's grandson
-defamed a hospital, nurse(s), and doctor(s)
-defamed a local preacher
-defamed friends of the deceased.
However, it would be natural for him to think and respond in a civil litigation manner, he is a PI for a powerful attorney in the area. He said all this info will be a juicy contribution to the usual gossip at the "Dutch Kitchen."
The question is, can calam prove to the friends and family of the deceased, and other entities, what she has said here is the truth? If she cannot, I would strongly suggest she repost a retraction. An expeditious public retraction, although not a guarantee, can be considered a defense to slander.
Formula:
Lack of sufficient knowledge + Distance + Impulsive and hasty compassion = Gullibility due to disregarded verification.
posted on July 31, 2000 12:47:15 PM new
Sgtmike, This issue would not have left this message board if you had not taken it out.Now you may cause Calamity real trouble in her real life. WHY would you do that? Are you just meanspirited or is there some other reason? What point are you tying to prove?
This makes me sick....Calamity I think you are a good and kind person and you have every right to feel your grief and talk about it.
posted on July 31, 2000 12:49:12 PM newstockticker
Obviously, you are outside the geographical area.
To those from the locale, calam let the cat out of the bag. Therefore, what she has stated publicly, to those who know who she was talking about, compels a public rebuttal.
posted on July 31, 2000 12:58:38 PM new
Wait a second. NOTHING justifies posting this kind of material about people's lives. This is ugly gossip, and nothing excuses it. It's not a tribute to someone's life, it's a smear on others. The whole sorry thread should be deleted.
posted on July 31, 2000 01:03:48 PM new
Pareau, While I agree that calamity may have said more than was necessary,no one here [except sgtmike]would have known who she was talking about.Sometimes grief does make us want to share.Now it may turn into a real life problem and that is not right either.
I agree that this thread should be womd.
[ edited by Rawbunzel on Jul 31, 2000 01:04 PM ]
You too must be from outside the area. To you, her stories were clandestine, to others the stories are specifically informative.
You seem to want to ignore whom started this thread, what was written; and to(many), for me to now state certain specifics is (actually) no revelation. No need to talk 3rd party now.
You need to reread her opening story and accurately identify the overwhelming message. I truly wonder if the deceased felt the same way as calam about the deceased's family and friends.
posted on July 31, 2000 01:24:54 PM new
I have always been fascinated by stories of investigations and those with powers of deduction and the proclivity for thorough investigation – you know, the “Private Dick”.
After reading the deductions posted here by sgtmike I would have to say, “Boy, what a Dick!”
posted on July 31, 2000 01:26:42 PM new
Yes Sarge, I also am from outside the area. In fact, I live in a different country. Of course, if you had clicked on my profile it should have taken less than 60 seconds of your investigative skills to have discovered not only the country, but the precise city as well.
