posted on December 21, 2005 12:59:07 PM
Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the
other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, a Marine sat down in the aisle seat.
After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a Coke."
"Don't get up," said the Marine, "I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you."
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good, I'd really like one, too."
Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it.
While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on?
This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity?
posted on December 22, 2005 07:05:43 AM
NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 ful
l hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering prescho
olers
unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by remind
ing you
of
how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till
they
moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed
before an
evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and
prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resul
ting in
enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage
and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to s
uch lethal
lines as, "You make me want to be a better person .Can we get n
aked
now?".
BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency
,
duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birth
day, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too e
ager to
share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same
irritation level as nagging him.
posted on December 23, 2005 07:06:20 AM
YOU HAVE TO READ IT ALL THE TO THE END IT IS FUNNY
SON OF A #*!@ FISH
The parish priest went on a fishing trip. On the last day of his trip
he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.
The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a
#*!@!"
"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"
"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a #*!@ fish!"
"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a #*!@!"
Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.
"Father, that's the biggest Son of a #*!@ I've ever seen."
"Yes, it is a big Son of a #*!@. What should I do with it?"
"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as Son of
a #*!@!"
Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. While unloading his gear
and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.
"Take a look at this big Son of a #*!@ I caught!"
Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"
"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a #*!@
fish!"
"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a #*!@?"
Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to
visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a #*!@ for his
dinner.
"I'll even clean the Son of a #*!@", she said.
As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.
"What are you doing Sister?"
"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a #*!@ for the new Bishop's
dinner."
"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"
"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a #*!@ fish."
"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it,
and that Son of a #*!@ can be the main course! Let me know when you've
finished cleaning that Son of a #*!@."
On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The
Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish
was excellent. The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you
get it?"
"I caught that Son of a #*!@!" proclaimed the proud priest.
"And I cleaned the Son of a #*!@!" exclaimed the Sister.
The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a #*!@, using a special
recipe!"
The new Bishop looked around at each of them. A big smile crept across
his face as he said,
posted on December 29, 2005 09:12:00 AM
Good looking guy but the pink shirt and smile give him away.
Subject: Redneck Special Forces...
The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the U.S.
REDNECK SPECIAL FORCES
(USRSF).
These Kentucky, West Virginia, Mississippi, Missouri, Arkansas, Alabama, Georgia, Texas, Tennessee and North & South Carolina boys will be dropped into Iraq and will be given ONLY the following FIVE facts about terrorists:
1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt........
posted on December 29, 2005 09:48:03 AM
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then ........"
He sighed................
"Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box." "“More Iraqis think things are going well in Iraq than Americans do. I guess they don’t get the New York Times over there.”—Jay Leno".
posted on December 29, 2005 12:26:13 PM
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man.
"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time! ! ?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. &nb sp;When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and! answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say."
posted on January 3, 2006 02:14:27 PM
This is adult but real funny.
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little
perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh,
I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy moley," the guy replies. "You actually understood and
answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "then answer this -- how do you hang onto
yo! ur perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is embarrassing but since you asked,
I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You
can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English
can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion,
sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You
really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for
$20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of
humor, he's interesting, a great pal and he understands everything,
he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
"Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't
know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the
postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him
at the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie
an! d began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his
knees and began to kiss her all over..."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
posted on January 4, 2006 11:08:33 PM
Thought this was humorous and true at the same time. Especially at the end...on why many women don't want to get married.
Why Older Chicks Rule
By Andy Rooney from CBS "60 Minutes".
This is for all you girls 40 years and over.... and for those who are turning 40, and for those who are scared of moving into their 50's...AND 60's..and for guys who are scared of girls over 40!!!!
Andy Rooney says:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.
Few women past the
Age of 40 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.
Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 Is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
[LOL....OMG how very, very true.]
Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free", here's an update for you. Now 80% of women are against marriage, why?
Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.
posted on January 10, 2006 01:07:13 PM
Peter met Sharon in a nightclub. They enjoyed each other's company very
much and at the end of the evening, Sharon invited Peter to her place, where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic session in bed together.
Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and snuggled up close to each other.
After a short while, Sharon again began tenderly stroking Peter's manhood.
Surprised but appreciative, Peter asked, "Surely you can't be ready for
more already?"
Sharon replied, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and I miss the days when I had my own."
posted on January 10, 2006 02:30:15 PM
WHO SAID MEN AREN'T SENSITIVE
A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect and they end up leaving together.
They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.
She turns to him... they kiss... and then they rip each other's clothes .... After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling,
"Well, how was it?"....................
The guy says
."Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
Amen,
Reverend Colin http://www.reverendcolin.com
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but, here is one:
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.
He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."
posted on January 14, 2006 03:32:21 PM
Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer -- are working together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total," says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." Pooooof! With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.
The American engineer says, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country. Nothing can get in or out -- it's virtually impenetrable."
posted on January 16, 2006 07:23:38 AM
One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and
ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.
The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old
cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. "Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate
attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.
The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought I
asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."
"I did," replied the old cowboy.
"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.
"Well Sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church."
posted on January 17, 2006 01:57:06 PM
Got this today. Love it.
A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks, "How will I recognize him?"
That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
"A female horth."
So he shows him a prized filly. "Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth"?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over."Nith eyeth, Now can I thee her earzth"?
So he picks the little fella up again,and shows him the horse's ears."Nith earzth, Now can I see her mouf"?
The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth. "Nice mouf, Now can I see her #*!@"?
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's #*!@, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing. "Perhapth I should rephrase that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit"?
posted on January 20, 2006 05:56:34 AM
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her,
"What did you steal?"
She replied: "A can of peaches".
The judge asked her why she had stolen
them and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many
peaches were in the can.
She replied, "6".
The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce
the punishment the woman's husband spoke
up and asked the judge if he could say something.
posted on January 20, 2006 10:58:15 AM
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion started to heat up, and she eventually said
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she said the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded
to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am
and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several different very
expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her
we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new
clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the
jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings .
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one
wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all,
dear; let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,
"No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her
jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough
for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when
she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't
you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
posted on January 22, 2006 05:32:37 AM
Max the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.
The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Each bell had a different tone so Max could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning Max noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
Max went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
But to Farmer Max's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Max was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result...The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.
Clearly Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?
posted on January 23, 2006 07:07:56 AM
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction, and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over there I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things," God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God "That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, plains, and coulees. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, and carriers of peace." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."
God smiled, "There is another Washington... Wait until you see the idiots I put there."
Amen,
Reverend Colin http://www.reverendcolin.com
posted on January 24, 2006 06:12:18 AM
WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
" Good morning, " said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."
Amen,
Reverend Colin http://www.reverendcolin.com
posted on January 24, 2006 09:17:39 AM
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answers: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answers: The never ending Coffee Break.
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
Amen,
Reverend Colin http://www.reverendcolin.com
posted on January 24, 2006 11:03:27 AM
A woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks "Are they twins"?
The woman says "No, he's 9 and she's 7.
"Why? Do you think they look alike?"
"No", he replies, "I just can't believe you got laid twice"!
Ron
"I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a
prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting
a new flagpole on a condemned building."
I'm all lit up...
