posted on June 27, 2001 09:25:11 PM new
I just got an e-mail from a friend who basically said I need to get a job because my mother won't be able to support me for my whole life. HELLO! I work full time. How can I take care of my aging parents (yes, I do live with my mother, but she does need me) and WORK TWO FULL TIME JOBS. This comes from a church secretary. She's told me before there is more to life than selling on the Internet, and I thought, "There is more to life than being a church secretary". At least *I* have a college degree. If I choose to work from home that is my business. (literally and figuratively).
How do you all respond to this type of thing? I'm spitting fire at the moment. But wanted to see how you all respond to this before I say something I regret!
posted on June 27, 2001 09:32:06 PM new
You could say something along the lines of "if it were your business, I'd spread out my income tax returns for your perusal and approval--but since it isn't, butt out of my life."
Or, , you could state: "Oh, don't worry about me--when Mom kicks the bucket I'm moving in with you!
edited for UBB
[ edited by bunnicula on Jun 27, 2001 09:34 PM ]
posted on June 27, 2001 09:37:34 PM new
How about this:
"Thank you for your message, but I think you may have me confused with someone else. My mother doesn't "support" me. I work full-time and love the fact that I can do that and still be home with Mom whenever she needs me. It's sad that other people are stuck in offices away from their homes and loved ones. I pray that those people will find the time to enjoy their families as I do. Mom won't be here with me forever, but I'm sure going to cherish each moment I have with her. God bless you and thank you again for your concern. I hope you remember the person to whom you meant to direct your message."
I have some more vulgar, less diplomatic answers ready to go, if you would prefer those. I'd check the fine print on ex-communication at your church first, though.
Hang in there. Many great people are misunderstood.
posted on June 27, 2001 09:42:52 PM new
She is probably the type of person that would rather put her folks in a home. Good for your to help your parents, I wouldn't want to be in a home either. Dumb comments are best ignored.
posted on June 27, 2001 09:43:16 PM new
A few things come to mind. Butt out is one. Another one has two words: Last word off. First word cant be typed here.
I would ask why is her life so boring that mine is her concern. I'd also block her email address,I don't like busybodies! [email protected]
Caravaggio/confusedandsleepy are not my names at eBay.
posted on June 27, 2001 09:44:59 PM new
Oh yeah! BTW, Wasn't Jessica Hahn a church secretary? [email protected]
Caravaggio/confusedandsleepy are not my names at eBay.
posted on June 27, 2001 09:45:33 PM new
Well I am a bit of a smart mouth and would certainly say something like "hm I cannot remember asking your advice on my working conditions nor line of work. Would you care to refresh my memory? Oh I didn't ask for your advice? Thanks. That's what I thought. Subject closed......Goodbye!" (Seems that she is a bit jelous of you that you can do your work in your jammies if you want and she has to put on her bloomers to go to work! err
[ edited by furkidmom on Jun 27, 2001 09:47 PM ]
posted on June 27, 2001 09:47:57 PM new
Misscandle: That was an absolutely brilliant message suggestion. Wish I had an obnoxious friend I could use it on!
posted on June 27, 2001 09:54:05 PM new
Since her DIL is a good friend, I really can't tell her to get lost. . .
but keep in mind she is a secretary at the church I atteneded when I thought i was dying. As far as I know I was never on the prayer requests for health, but only on the 'get a job' list. It was also a year and a half into my illness (which is now gone) that I got my first get well card.
I think I'm going to say something like, "I'd love to write more, but ebay has announced a free listing day, and I want to list many items. 30¢ doesn't seem like a lot, but when you have hundreds on at any given time, it adds up quickly. As for seeking employment, I can't hold down yet another full time job. Ebay keeps me quite busy. One of my best sales netted me 28,000% profit. An increase like that is rare in other business ventures, but happens occasionally to me. Someone who has made millions in the stock market is constantly impressed on my quick turn around of money. I can usually make 1000% on any item I put up for auction, and have that investment see returns within two weeks. Definately something I enjoy doing, profitable, and being at home with Mom, setting my own hours, and being my own boss are definate plusses to my current job. I'm also learning great business management skills that I may put into practice someday by opening a brick and mortar store, but at the moment, I want to stick to e-commerce because I am able to set my own hours, and with Mom and Dad like they are, that is important to me."
What do you think? What should I add because to bug off? LOL! Should I take away anything. I want her to think that ebay is the most successful venture on earth and she is an idiot for thinking otherwise.
posted on June 27, 2001 10:09:32 PM new
I did find a new church. I'm still mulling over the e-mail I'm going to send as a reply, and say something about how I needed to find a business I could start up with little capital, and as it has grown, I'm able to make purchaces in quantity, etc. Also mentioning about how I started because I had such severe medical problems and Mom couldn't help me as she isn't in a financial situation to and then list the churches and individuals that gave me money (under $250) and say my medical bills were over $10,000 only because I refused most tests and medicine that would have helped for lack of money and since I didn't have insurance I didn't want to have to be responsible for debt that I would probably never be able to pay as it looked like I would only deteriate, and not get better. (That church never once helped me with bills, called, etc.) Needless to say we found a church that cares about us!
I understand where you're coming from, but you really do not need to justify yourself to her. Your proposed reply has a defensive tone that will convey additional "power" to this woman. It gives her a lot of room for further discussion and criticism.
KISS: Keep it simple, sweetie.
A simple "thank you for your concern, but it is unwarranted" with few or no details will cut her off. The rest is none of her business.
Good luck.
Edited to add: OR, since this isn't even your church anymore, just delete her message and block her e-mails. You can chat with her later in Heaven. If she gets in.
Edited one last time to add: For Goodness sake, DO NOT build up eBay to her as the perfect business. I promise you if you do, she'll start listing and giving you competition!!
[ edited by misscandle on Jun 27, 2001 10:19 PM ]
[ edited by misscandle on Jun 27, 2001 10:21 PM ]
posted on June 27, 2001 10:23:11 PM new
You are just waaaaaaay to nice. Why do you have to explain anything to her? Does she pay your bills, help you with your parents, give you a shoulder to lean on, and offer assistance when you need, it on her own? Sweetiem you don't have to justify what you do, how you do it, or why you do it to anyone! You just keep on keepin' on. What ou are doing for your parents is a wonderful thing. Now go out there and sell, sell, SELL!!
posted on June 27, 2001 10:26:26 PM new
(to be brutally honest) She's not intelligent enough to give me any competition. She thinks ebay is a fake job, and that the only real jobs are ones you have to leave the house for! I think i'll fire back a quick e-mail mentioning the free listing day, and that I'm going to be pulling an all nighter and hopefully getting hundreds of items listed. Thanks for the concern, but business has been very well lately, and I couldn't handle working two full time jobs. (And maybe mail right before I go to bed, which will probably be 3 or 4 due to lots of stuff to scan!)
posted on June 27, 2001 10:31:38 PM new
As my "Uncle Tony" would say Froogettabutdit! If you feel a need to respond, just be honest about why you left the church, and ask to be removed from the rolls, including all emails.
edhdsn
posted on June 27, 2001 10:36:28 PM new
If you just HAVE to reply, at very most thank her for her concern and leave it at that. Don't go on the defensive, don't start justifying your choices. They are YOUR choices, your decisions and very obviously you are doing something right!
If you can momentarily pretend your mother didn't raise you to be polite, then just ignore it and delete the email .
posted on June 27, 2001 11:20:26 PM new
Whatever you do, don't overdo how well you are doing in any endeavor: It will invoke more pity and condescension (you want to hear stupid? I used to work with a woman who said "condensention" - and she wasn't talking about dampness!!!).
I think the ignore is the best bet. If she feels the need to ask again I would only answer "what email?"
posted on June 28, 2001 01:17:40 AM new
Quickdraw -- how funny. I was totally LOL!
This woman has been trying to get a college degree for about 15 years. She has to take one class at a time, and not because of finances, either.
I think she thinks any job you don't leave the house for or that requires a college education is not worthy.
It just irritates me to no end when people think all we do is watch TV all day. I wonder if people think the same of Bill Gates since he owns his own company, though? (hee hee!)
posted on June 28, 2001 02:12:38 AM new
BRAVO to misscandle for the excellent reply. Miss Manners would be proud of you!
jenndiggy,
I think this poor woman is completely jealous of you, so the only thing she can do is try to dig at you and make you feel inadequate. She's to be pitied, and you shouldn't feel like you have to justify your life to her. YOU know you're doing the right thing, and that's all that counts. Don't even give her a second thought--she's not worth it.
BTW I wouldn't go into how busy or successful you are. That would only fan the flames of jealousy, and then she could REALLY be a pain. The best way to deal with people like this is to be perfectly pleasant and thank them for their concern (and then, of course, ignore them!).
posted on June 28, 2001 02:38:48 AM new
Dear mcbrunnhilde: Thank you. Actually, I recently listed my Miss Manners audio book, but only got 11 hits in 10 days. One was me, and I'm sure the others were either pity-pageviews from family or curiosity seekers.
posted on June 28, 2001 04:04:06 AM new
I am so sorry this happened to you, & completely understand how you feel. I get those sort of comments all of the time. I am an RN, but choose not to work as a nurse b/c I want to be at home with my family. Every week someone in the tiny town I live in makes some comment about how I am "wasting my education" & how they couldn't imagine not working when I could be making such good money on the clock. I really get sick of it.
Nursing was so stressful, & when I was supposed to be off they were calling me 24-7 to either come in for something or to ask for advice. Now I am home when my husband gets off, the phone rarely rings, & I have time for my family. (sigh)........people will say anything, regardless how tacky it makes them sound or how awful it makes you feel.
Tell her you will pray for her, that she may find peace & happiness in her own life & not feel the need to be envious or to be intrusive on the lives of others.
posted on June 28, 2001 04:09:29 AM new
I really liked misscandles's approach.
You could also type , but not send, an addendum stating how much you admire both her professional experience and continued schooling.
Ask what suggestions she might have for you to expand your limited skills which only include the following:
Then list all of the talents it takes to run an online business.
You'll get tired before you finish the list but it will remind you of how much there is to do and how little time you have to waste on small minded people.
posted on June 28, 2001 05:09:38 AM new
edhdsn Has the right idea - No matter what you say she will discount it. Don't give her any satisfaction by a long winded explaination. If you want to tell her "Thanks for your concern but I am doing very well." That is more than enough.
I had a similar person feeling sorry for me and then he asked one day what the big boxes in my back seat were. I told him cases of the tool I sell. He said Isn't that a bit of money to tie up? I said Yeah - it is about $1200 a case but I turn them over in 4 to 6 weeks at 40%. He is a number person and I could see the eyes light up after only about 3 seconds. I have not heard any more from him about getting a real job.
posted on June 28, 2001 05:18:26 AM new
Be careful what you say! She is a busybody and a GOSSIP. She's obviously been talking about you and your "situation" with people you know.
The reply you send back will likely be her topic of conversation for the several days. So don't say anything you don't want spread around to dozens of other people.
I would send something like this:
"Thank you for your concern. I appreciate your interest in my well being.
Although I'm always striving to be a better person, I'll never be able to offer others help in the same way as you.
All I can offer you in return are some interesting and enlightening articles.
, you could state: "Oh, don't worry about me--when Mom kicks the bucket I'm moving in with you!
