posted on March 8, 2006 08:10:41 AM new
Although he doesn't express it in a pleasing or sociable manner, Sanmar is correct, both about the off-topicness and the superficiality of online interaction.
This is not the time I would have chosen to discuss this, but now it's been brought up.
We all lose loved ones in tragic and sometimes horribly unexpected ways. Sometimes irony abounds. My father suffered a fatal heart attack as he was getting ready to leave the hospital, having gotten a clean bill of health from his doctors.
I did post a brief note about that to one of the antiques groups I participated in, because I learned something with this death: There aren't any Hollywood endings. We were estranged for the entire time we knew each other but there was no deathbed reconciliation nor the time for one.
However, my note was definitely off-topic and I should not have done it. Doubtless there were thousands of people who read it and wondered why they should care. That doesn't make them bad people.
Seeing it with the distance of time, I think I should have restricted distribution to those people who I knew personally and had actually met.
People have a need to make sense of incomprehensible tragedy, so it's completely understandable to remind us of the need to impress teenagers with their own mortality. Grief is untidy, and we are only human.
posted on March 8, 2006 09:07:53 AM new
most of could not give a damn
????????????????????????????????????
I sincerely hope that most of us do disagree!
Have we as human beings become so self absorbed that we have NO feelings for others?
Of course, we are in cyber world and don't "really" know each other, but when someone loses a child or any loved one it is REAL.
This post is OFF THE TOPIC, that is a fact! However ANY workplace, social or business group has room for fellow feeling and human compassion.
Case in point- Brian Williams the anchor for NBC news lost his sister last week to cancer. It was announced on the nightly news, a place for condolences and messages to send the family was linked on the NBC web site.
Brian Williams sister death was not of national concern. It is accepted social and business etiquette.
Yes, although we have changed as a society, I think most still care and feel compassion for others.
If showing some comfort to a grieving person is wrong then we are a pitiful group.
posted on March 9, 2006 09:14:09 AM new
Neglus & Pixiamom, I am so very, very sorry to hear this news. You and your entire families will be in my thoughts and prayers. I have put your nephews parents on our prayer list at church. It is without a doubt the hardest thing... to loose a child. My heart just aches for them... Your friends here on this page hold you in our cyber arms of friendship.
Bonnie
posted on March 9, 2006 01:05:06 PM new
The title of the post included "OT" which we all should know means Off Topic. To paraphrase Michael Feldman's Whad'Ya Know?... Readers who are sticklers for the topics should pass by any thread with OT in the title.
I know the things we said could not touch Neglus & Pixiamom's pain but maybe they made them feel a little less alone in their grief.
-----o----o----o----o----o----o----o----o
“The illiterate of the future will be the person ignorant of the use of the camera as well as of the pen.”
Maholy-Nagy, Vision in Motion, 1947
posted on March 9, 2006 01:19:38 PM new
Neglus and Pixiamom,
It is not off topic to care about your fellow vendio posters and my deepest sympathy and prayers are with you and your family.
Pay no attention to Sanmar who apparently needs prayers too.
I like stonecold613 finger smiley goes double for me. Stone I saved that one for future needs. LOL
**************
Without my ignorance, your Knowledge would be meaningless.
posted on March 9, 2006 04:56:15 PM new
Sanmar, you had a warning in the subject line, and if you didn't heed that, you could have used the big green left-pointing arrow to leave, but you chose to show up on the second page with your nastiness.
My family, and I follow in their footsteps, are very private about grief. We don't do funerals, only sometimes we get some close family members together to spread ashes, or cry and laugh and tell jokes about the loved one who won't ever be with us again.
I, for example, didn't post here when my mother passed away. That was my choice, and it worked for me. However, it is offensive and aggressive, a form of violence really, to spit on someone who gets more solace from sharing their loss. A gentleman would have simply walked away. You should be ashamed.
posted on March 9, 2006 05:28:36 PM new
Good Lord, I hope we all DO care about each other. This is a fairly close-knit community here; we help each other in many ways.
I think I've noticed that our members are more likely to post sad OT news about something happening to a child, rather than to an adult in their family, or is it just my imagination?
Going instead to the Vendio Roundtable with this sad news of Pix's and Neglus's would be like jumping into a dark pit. There are some mean-spirited people who post there (and sometimes post here, less mean!), and I for one would feel uncomfortable throwing that group sad news of mine for fear I'd get nasty stuff back. I'm glad the gals posted their news here for us.
______________________________
posted on March 9, 2006 05:59:53 PM new
Shame on you, sanmar. I had thought better of you. We all need a reminder from time-to-time just how precious life is and how just one stupid act can end it all. Not just for teenagers. This is a reminder that when we all get behind the wheel that we need to act responsibly and with care. It's the ones we leave behind that suffer the most.
Cheryl
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." - Martin Luther King, Jr.
posted on March 9, 2006 06:06:33 PM new
I agree, I think this subject is appropriate here, just like when Cheryl told us about her little nephew I think it was with leukemia. I know I couldn't wait each day to see how he was doing. Of course, we don't want a board where everyones trials and tribulations are discussed, but once in a while something tragic happens, and I for one like to share in it, and have the opportunity to pray for the people involved. I hope that first of all we are compassionate human beings, before we are business people.
First, how would I know that he's 70 years old and in poor health? That's OT by his own definition, and I for one have no real idea who he is or what his health is (or until your post, whether he was male or female).
Second, there's expressing an opinion by saying "I don't think that this is appropriate for this forum" which is acceptable, but less worthy than just hitting the Back button. His opinion was clearly much more strongly worded than that, and it was spiteful.
Finally, if his health has brought him to such an unhappy place in his life that he lashes out, I will add him to my list of people for whom I have sympathy due to mitigating factors, but it doesn't change my view of his behavior.
posted on March 10, 2006 07:29:49 AM new
Sanmar is a seventy-year-old man in poor health ...well heres another spot where I give a d*mn. I don't know if he is religious but I'll say a prayer for him too.
posted on March 10, 2006 11:01:56 AM new
I think it was my Mom who first said to me "If you don't have anything nice to say... don't say anything at all" It seems to me that that rule is fundamental to common courtesy. I am grateful that in an age of more and more of us isolating ourselves in an office alone somewhere... that I personally can check in on this page and find familuar names and friends. I grant you we could walk right by each other and never know it was ... Stone or Tom or Mike or Cheryl. But we know each other here and we have somehow bonded, if you will into a group of friends. I know I can count on someone here knowing the answer (s) to my dumb question (s) and I can occasionally help one of you. For this I am grateful. I am especially grateful for Neglus. When I made power seller I posted here and someone, can't remember who, said ah big deal who cares! Neglus wrote to me personally and said congrats... it IS a big deal. It takes alot of work and energy. She made me smile. I will never forget that from my friend.I hope that if Sanmar has learned anything about the people who post here it is this ... we help each other with the unimportant IE: ebay and we are here for each other when something very good or bad happens. I hope Sanmar knows that that does include him/her.
