posted on March 1, 2001 08:28:05 PM
HOLY &+IT!! WHAT the +@CK were we thinking? I can't believe we thought this was a good idea! I've just had the most miserable 19 freakin hours, I am ready to axe murder my neighborhood, smoke the dumpster trash and bite through my own flesh. Nothing is fun without smoking. This sucks this sucks this sucks. Sorry, I just couldn't be positive anymore, I gotta get real with you guys, this is how I really feel. I am NOT happy anymore. I am angry and sad and in a VERY bad mood. I miss smoking. I love smoking. I don't care if I die young. Smoking was fun. Nothing is fun now. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I still haven't lit up though. But I don't know.... I really don't know anymore. Holy &+it this sucks.
Angry Rocker
[ edited by nycrocker on Mar 1, 2001 08:31 PM ]
posted on March 1, 2001 08:29:04 PM
Wow Nettak That was a nice surprise to come home to! Thanks for the song! And a huge thank you for everyone's continued encouragement.
Rocker I'm glad to see you didn't drown. I know what you mean about staying off of the computer. But, I'm having a hard time finding a place that doesn't set off a trigger to smoke.... ain't that a crock? I think we'll make it this time because there are so many people pulling for us. Doesn't it help you to read all these stories about people who have actually pulled it off? That gives me soooo much hope!
Twinsoft Expect to gain 20 lbs??? ARGGGGHHHH!
Snowy, Enchanted, Chepi... how is everyone doing? Did I forget anyone? Oddish Are you still with us or did we already scare you off? If you'll come back, we'll let you #*!@ all you want! LOL
My hubby took me out to eat tonight. When we came home the kids had a birthday cake and a balloon boquet for old mom. They were so sweet - they gave me an Elvis doll of all things. It cracked me up because it's so perfectly impractical... I'm a huge Elvis fan.
Don't forget everyone - as Rocker says:
"I'm The Bossa Me - That Weed Ain't The Bossa Me!"
Now I'm gonna go pull the covers over my head. Not paranoid anywhere else but here!
posted on March 1, 2001 08:35:37 PM I think that weed is the bossa me. But but but...but I'm not sure. I haven't let it get me... yet.
Whoa this is hard.
Rocker
posted on March 1, 2001 08:40:01 PM
OOOOOOH let's see, what can we do TOMORROW? Hmmmm how about we wake up and poke ourselves in the eyes with sharp needles, chew on some razor blades, and then stick our tongues into a fan. Yeah. Cos I'm not MISERABLE enough yet.
Rocker
[ edited by nycrocker on Mar 1, 2001 08:41 PM ]
posted on March 1, 2001 08:44:07 PMJoan I meant to say thank you for posting that. 44 years as a smoker and you managed to kick the habit! I think that's the record!
Rocker Looks like we posted on top of each other. I almost missed your rant! O.K. I know you're pissed. I'm pissed. I want to smoke because I enjoyed smoking. But, how did cigarettes becomes some kind of a symbol for us of being something fun and relaxing and wonderful? It's because the tobacco industry thinks we're too stupid to know that a cigarette is nothing but a stick of dynamite waiting to go off. Created just to addict us to the point of HAVING to have more... every day of our lives until it kills us. That's the plan and they've worked the plan very well. I'm not falling for their #*!@ anymore Rocker. This is poison and I'm hooked on it. Don't think of it as a cigarette. Call it what it is... it's nothing but poison. We may not know each other very well. We're miles apart. But, there's one thing we know we have in common. We're both dependent on sucking in poison as some kind of a sick comfort. I'm making myself really think about how ludicrous this behavior is. I'm not that stupid. And, neither are you.
Who is the boss of you? We're in this together and I'm winning the battle and you're coming with me. So, SNAP OUT OF IT! (said with a big, big hug cause I know you need it right now)
posted on March 1, 2001 08:44:27 PM
would it help if you bit someone's neck Rocker?
too right it's hard, damn hard
you gotta do what you gotta do to get through it. We all liked smoking, that's why we did it. ADDICTION. If you have to smoke you have to, just know it's you that has the choice, not the cigs.
No weed could be the bossa Rocker
hey- mybid, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, I didn't know it was your birthday til I saw nettak's cool gif for you. What a birthday present this is to yourself and your kids.
rocker, don't give up, I'm still fighting this flu and am going to go crash but I'll check in with you tomorrow ok?
posted on March 1, 2001 08:45:12 PMRocker Please do not poke your eyes out tomorrow, you might need them the day after.
I am sitting here eating chocolate, heaps of it. I have not thought so much about smoking in weeks. But what the heck so long as I have chocolate I will be a happy camper. I will just be a fatter happy camper!!!!!!!!
We are all in this together.
Sing a song or kiss your kitty, anything to make you happy. Eat plenty of chocolate.
posted on March 1, 2001 08:48:17 PM
Are you done? Aren't you glad your sooo brave. Those stinkin ciggies don't deserve
your sweet lips, your neat voice, your good lungs. YOU ARE THE BOSSA YOU
Almost as much fun as catching a bowling ball
in your teeth....but you won't have the
collatoral damage. You are the winner here
Philip Morris, Marlborough and all the rest
are the losers, Today you took the 1st
painful step....Nothing good comes easy...but
the best is yet to come.
posted on March 1, 2001 08:54:53 PM
YEAH what zilvy said! Nettak mate, pass some of that chocolate my way please
YES enchanted, I DO believe it would help me if I could bite your neck, so please come back soon. Think of it as you doing your part to fight the tobacco companies.
posted on March 1, 2001 09:01:20 PM
HeyRocker I'm glad to see your snapping to! LOL Did you see the Snap Out Of It picture I put on the bottom of page one? I keep that picture handy cause it helps me keep my feet on the ground sometimes.
I have to go to bed soon. The nicotine withdrawal is really biting tonight. We're all going to make it because we're smarter than a weed... and we've got a ton of people around here that are willing to share their stories and to keep cheering us on. And, when one of us is on the edge there'll be someone there to keep us on the path. To tell you the truth I dread waking up in the morning because I know that I'll reach for the cigs automatically without even thinking about it. And, then I'll have another day of withdrawal hell. But, I don't care what happens the next few days or few weeks. I care about what happens for the rest of my life. Stick with me kid. We'll make it.
posted on March 1, 2001 09:37:08 PM
Rocker and all - This is very much from the heart from Nutspec.
Do whatever you can - get angry - get angry that a damned burning leaf (and god knows what else they put in them) has made you so unhappy. They know that once you are hooked - that they know you will be unhappy enough in the first few days to go back to them -
like some kind of loathsome embrace from something pale and soft - slimy to the touch.
You don't let the burning leaf win.
My grandfather was told that he would never see his only grandchild graduate from Junior High School. That he should only make plans for the next couple of years. He gave them up - cold turkey - 3 packs of camels a day he used to smoke. He made it for 14 more years, He did know I graduated from High School before he passed. I would give everything I own to have another day with him. Quitting bought him time - but 40 years of smoking still couldn't be overcome.
My Grandmother on my other side of the family lived her last 3 years as a slave to an oxygen bottle - and still she smoked! Dying in front of us little by little, pulling for air so hard you were tired for her and along with her - and she whould light up another after turning off the bottle. Until one day - her lung capacity went below what it takes to live.
Get angry - get out of the house - take a walk for 5 min - make a spot you will walk to and back as a substitiute for a smoke - Don't let it win. Because there are a lot of people out there that would miss you all.
And people that die a little bit,- inside- watching someone they love, losing the fight.
It's a burning leaf - and there are people gloating to themselves, that it is so hard to quit, and that you will have to come back to them.
Get away from them - You are not meant to be a slave to these things.
[ edited by nutspec on Mar 1, 2001 09:43 PM ]
posted on March 1, 2001 09:51:35 PM Nutspec Thank you. Wow. VERY touching post, from beginning to end, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
This especially got to me:
And people that die a little bit,- inside- watching someone they love, losing the fight
How true... I watched my Dad lose the fight and die the same way as your Grandmother... he had emphysema and lung cancer, he had only 15% use of his lungs and he struggled that way for about TWO YEARS, (ugh, a long slow painful illness), and then one day, his lungs and his heart just stopped.
Now I am on the other side of it... I am healthy thank the gods... but "Scorpio", who lives with me, is always talking to me and writing me notes about smoking, about how she wants me to live a long time with her and how she doesn't wanna lose me like she lost her mother (to lung cancer too). She is horrified when I smoke and you have brought that home to me a little clearer nutspec. Thank you.
posted on March 1, 2001 10:26:23 PM
You are very welcome. Anything to help.
I'm not a nag or a preacher - only you can make the first move to want to quit - Then I'll be the meanest junkyard dog out there, fighting for ya -
My best friend in the world smokes - but she is not ready - Nagging would only make it worse - she knows how I feel and I'll be there when she is ready.
Now that I've done the "tough love" thing - (Nutspec ought to write childrens books - LOL) You ought to know that BEH is a personal acronym with me. It stands for Big Electronic Hug.
So, for you rocker - and all the rest that are trying to quit - You have a friend and support from me - Because I know how hard it is.
posted on March 2, 2001 12:29:57 AM
Up in the middle of the night in sympathy. Hang in guys. Rocker, tomorrow will be easier than yesterday and maybe even MUCH easier. Hand in there and find out!
posted on March 2, 2001 03:58:19 AMrocker I'm so sorry you had such a rough night. I'm an early to bed early to riser type gal. I've just read through all of the supporting posts. How great is it that we have so many people who have already gone through what we're feeling and are right here to tell their stories to help us get past the craves.
nutspeck your post saved me today. I know I won't light up today. I'll re-read your post if it gets rough today and it will save me.
rocker I can honestly say that I'm better this morning than yesterday. A lot of that is due to the Zyban I'm sure. If you have any cigarettes in the house....dump them in the trash right now.
mybiddness, snowyegret,chepistar, Oddish (thanks for joining us) and anyone else I've missed: I'm sending positive thoughts to you and wishing you a great day 2.
posted on March 2, 2001 04:17:02 AM
Still hangin' in there, bootsnana. Bad cravings this morning, though.
Nutspec, that helped.
Bleep the bleepingbleeps. Bleep!!!
I am a girl of few words today ~
itchin, sweatin, cursin, cravin, btchin, moanin.
ain't no butt gonna kick my a$$.
Pulling for all the rebellious energy in my body to tell Phillip Morris he will not win.
you aint the BOSSA me!!!!!!
hang in there team!
Good luck today ~ I'll be in later (when the road rage passes!!!)
edited cause i oopsed ~ i need my coffee!(but not a cancer stick)
*sticking my tongue out as I give Phillip Morris a well deserved middle finger*
[ edited by zoomin on Mar 2, 2001 04:30 AM ]
posted on March 2, 2001 04:32:47 AM
Well you have now gone one whole day without a smoke. Now I know that you probably do not feel good right about now.
Take a deep breath, yell, scream, throw something. WHATEVER IT TAKES Just do what you feel like doing. Go for a walk, in Rocker's case Kiss your cat. LOL
There will be better tomorrows, I can promise you that. It may take some time but it will be worth it in the long run.
You will smile again, you will be able to talk again and be civil to whoever you are talking to, you will not always want to yell at everyone. Just keep saying "It will get better".
Happy Birthday Mybid. What a wonderful birthday present you have just given not only yourself but you family. Be real proud.
posted on March 2, 2001 05:18:07 AM
Good Morning! I'm so glad I popped in here this a.m. I'd do anything for a cigarette right now. If any one of you were standing in front of me with a cigarette I'd wrestle it from you and I'd win! And, I'm an old lady. LOL
BTW, a huge thanks for the B'day wishes. I was feeling pitiful and sorry for myself for having a no good birthday full of withdrawal and anger but this is reminding me that this will be the best birthday of my life... one of these days!
Nutspec You really touched my heart with your post. You've reminded me in a poignant way that smoking doesn't just harm me - it harms anyone who loves me. Thank you for that.
I hope everyone is hanging in today. I'm going to go get my shower, pull my hair out and try my best to get my little guy ready for school without snapping his poor head off.
And, thanks to all of you on this thread I'll bet I actually make it back from taking him to school without swinging by the convenience store for a pack of cigs.
Have a great day for all and especially for the new non-smokers... Hi Zoomin I'm glad you joined us.
posted on March 2, 2001 07:02:19 AM
hey rocker are you awake yet? We'd really like to start our day...
OOOOOOH let's see, what can we do TOMORROW? Hmmmm how about we wake up and poke ourselves in the eyes with sharp needles, chew on some razor blades, and then stick our tongues into a fan. Yeah. Cos I'm not MISERABLE enough yet.
WOOOO HOOOO!
Go Team Go!
anyone else out there itchin and sweatin?
Both Hands On The Wheel, You Are The BOSSA You!
Phillip Morris is NOT gonna git my money ennymore dammit!
(edited to un-oops myself)
[ edited by chepistar on Mar 2, 2001 07:24 AM ]
posted on March 2, 2001 07:20:30 AM
Hi, I smoked for a year in college...because my roommates did I imagine. I ask everyone around to sell a cig to me for the cost of a whole pack...can't remember what the amount. I paid for two or three and that was it, couldn't afford it.
To get over the hard times, I used visualization that worked for me. At that time there was a photo of a smoker's lung. I visualized it each time I had a craving. Some of you with small children could picture how your little smoker's lungs look. That might help.
You could also visualize screwing those multi-national companies who are taking your hard earned money to spend on commercials to let us know how they are helping the elderly,
children, etc..... I understand from a program the other night, one companies advertising budget is a whole lot more than their social workings! Guess where they are getting their money? Get mad, get even and don't give them any more!
I used visualization for other things.
I had to get off coffee because of an irregular heart beat while drinking it. I pictured that nasty looking stuff that ends up at the bottom of the cup sometimes. The black, gooey, crudy stuff. Only went back on once....and I ended up in the cardiologist's office. Stopped cold that time.
Maybe it would work for some of you.
Best wishes to all of you. LabRat4GMOS
[Edited to wish Mybiddness a happy, smoke free birthday!!!! Someone just mentioned Phillip Morris, that is the company I mentioned above, couldn't remember their name. Fight on, guys...remember it is one less company with their hands in your pocket
when you are smoke free!]
posted on March 2, 2001 07:22:18 AM
sheesh, boots, could you turn off that friggin ESP crap already? don't tell me you could smell my nicotine sweat through your monitor. sh*t, do I need another shower already?
uok2day? or a grumpy @#$%&! witch like me???I'm thinkin of ya!
{{{{team hugs}}}}
For those of you who light up at the computer, I don't know how you guys are doing this, but dammit I'm proud of ya
Personally I'm afraid to go outside or in the car for fear of confronting the monster.(go away, NIC!)(remember me, the smoker who doesn't smoke inside?)
dammit I itch. what's up with that?
I broke down and got the wellbutrin script filled yesterday ~ is that what's making me feel like I slept in a bed of fleas???
c'mon and wake up rocker, I brought some fiberglass for you to chew on...
(edited, again, whataditzbrainIam)
[ edited by chepistar on Mar 2, 2001 07:29 AM ]
posted on March 2, 2001 07:47:04 AM
Chepi if you just filled the Wellbutrin script yesterday I hardly think the itching is from that. The biggest side effect is dry mouth. How nutty am I today? I just looked at the effect up there and sat here for about 30 seconds thinking should that be affects? LOL WHO THE HECK CARES? You all know what I mean.
Day 2 is much better. One of the BEST side affects (now I have a 100% chance of being correct once) is that the cravings for cigarettes are not as intense as cold turkey. If that is all in my head just leave me with it...it's working for me. I truly am not suffering. Annoyed sometimes... but not suffering.
rosiebud I am very aware of my weight. I've decided to give in to food substitution urges every 3 times. I drink tall glasses of ice water and breathe deeply to get through them. I have also started walking.
I certainly hope this rambling on subsides soon. Bet you all do too.
[ edited by bootsnana on Mar 2, 2001 07:51 AM ]
posted on March 2, 2001 07:58:09 AM
chepistar - Just wanted to let you know I quit after almost 20 years last July using Wellbutrin. I don't remember if I itched or not, but I do know that I DID QUIT SMOKING with it!!
I also watched my grandpa kill himself with cigarettes, my mother's doctor told her she has emphesyma - and she and my dad both keep puffing away. My husband's father also smoked when he was almost dead from it. I have no intention of ending up like my stupid, selfish and addictive family. That may sound harsh, but when you're on the other side watching someone kill themself - it does seem like a foolish and VERY selfish thing to do.
I wanted to jump in with my support and prayers - Y'all can do it! Just think - by the end of the day, you will already have about $8 more than usual in your pocket .
This sucks this sucks this sucks. Sorry, I just couldn't be positive anymore, I gotta get real with you guys, this is how I really feel. I am NOT happy anymore. I am angry and sad and in a VERY bad mood. I miss smoking. I love smoking. I don't care if I die young. Smoking was fun. Nothing is fun now. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I still haven't lit up though. But I don't know.... I really don't know anymore. Holy &+it this sucks.
And a huge thank you for everyone's continued encouragement.
WE ARE NOT GIVIN THOSE B@STARDS ONE MORE DIME!!!! 
