posted on May 1, 2001 08:12:52 PM new
Mint4you...just be yourself. Takes time to grow that thick skin, but it can be done. You will still feel angst, hurt, surprise, sadness and happiness because you are human, interacting with humans, but remember, they are people, just like you are, with different opinions. Hang in there.
posted on May 1, 2001 08:35:55 PM new
I dread being "socially acceptable" second only to being "popular" and "respected". When these things happen to you, people begin to expect certain things from you, ways of behaving and responding and they cry out when you don't fit into their pre-conceived molds, thereby revoking the limited amount of freedom that we all have to be jerks from time to time without having it held against us.
posted on May 1, 2001 08:59:43 PM new
The last time we saw my brother and sister-in-law, they stayed at my sister's house. My sister-in-law isn't, from what I can see, a very smart person, and, at the same time, she's one of those who has some insight to offer into everything (and much of it is wrong.) I'm not talking differences of opinion; subjective matters, who can say who's right and who's wrong in those? I'm talking about objective matters. In this example she, a lawyer who does estate planning, put forth that it was a shame my mother hadn't cashed out her IRA before she died. That was an preposterous thing to say; had my mother done that, it would have put her into a high tax bracket for that year. As it was, we all inherited without tax penalties. My sister-in-law knew how much my mother's IRA and other assets had been. What person, with any sense, and especially one who supposedly should know about such things, would put forth this opinion?
Well, this insight came in the evening, after a long day of such offerings from my sister-in-law. My sister, who's much smarter than I am, and also much more polite, looked at my sister-in-law in disgust, said "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard," turned her back on the woman and walked away.
It's not always about social acceptance. Sometimes, people have had as much stupidity as they can stand.
Not to be disrespectful of others who were kind enough to post, put it's late for me, and I have to get up at 5:00AM CST. I want to answer your post now, and will follow with any others addressed to me specifically, in the order in which they posted, when time permits.
I removed all of my posts to avoid the appearance of selection, on my part. I have, as a few of you know, made posts with which I spoke from the heart, and not the mind. Those of you who read those posts, know which ones they were. One of them was posted on the Yahoo! board, not the RT, to the grandmother of a child who had just had surgery.
I stick by what I say, and respect those who do. However, when posting a thread like this, as I suspected would happen, all of my past posts will be scrutinized. I do not mean for you to take offense with that spazmodeus, it is expected to be done, as you are trying to figure out why I posted such a topic? That is why they were all deleted.
posted on May 1, 2001 09:15:37 PM new
Hello Mint4you - I read the posts you made in that other thread and agreed with most of what you were sharing. You are able to articulate your thoughts/opinions very well, IMO. You seem to have a fairly good grasp on how things work around here.
You said, "There are many fine people on these boards, and just a small minority enjoy being like the above mentioned." I agree with that statement. These boards are just like in real life. Some people you identify with by their words, some you don't. Some treat others with civility and other's don't. We can only be responsible for ourselves and our own words. Some posters have been driven away because of the reasons you state. Some people don't like conflict so they choose to avoid the more heated threads/debates.
So.....hang around, we'll grow on you while you're developing that 'thicker' skin.
posted on May 1, 2001 09:16:58 PM new
I'm not speaking for Spaz, but I too went looking for what had 'sparked' your first post. (I didn't do a search, just scanned the recent topics....good rule of thumb: Many posts on thread = 'problem' ).
It's been my experience that these kinds of posts (Can't we all be friends) stem from a specific problem.
posted on May 1, 2001 09:42:53 PM new
Mint4you, maybe if you did say what bothered you to be upset and delete, we wouldnt be guessing. I think I know what it was, but it isnt for me to say. Sometimes things happen here and none of us know quite what to do unless told. Some had their feelings hurt, some wanted a shoulder, some felt left out, some felt ignored. When they came back and told what bothered them, it eased the situation. So why not give it a try?
posted on May 1, 2001 11:21:37 PM new
NeartheSea: Go to the main page of The Round Table (or the message center or the home page) and find, "Site Search" at the bottom.
When you do a search remember to click the "Search message center" square.
posted on May 2, 2001 08:07:43 AM new
NearTheSea & HJW (Same subject)
It may not be real, as in real life face-to-face conversations. But there are real people typing the words and controlling the text that appears. It reminds me of the CB craze in the 70's. It was enjoyable for the vast majority. The anonymity, for some, allowed them to vent the side they would not show in real life situations. No, I do not believe some who are posting as they do, would talk, or act this way in face-to-face conversations. However, I do believe what you see on here is representative of the persons real inner character. That, which in face-to-face situations, may never be shown.
HJW specifically
"I think that's an attitude that I need, but unfortunately its one that I don't have. I am very sensitive here and as people call it, also in real life."
I feel, in my opinion, you are a very caring person. You feel emotions more deeply than others. Personally, I hope you do not gain that attitude you feel you may need. I fear if you gained that attitude, you may lose part of the real you to attain it. That, in my opinion, would not only be a loss to the boards here, but more importantly, a great loss to you and those you see in real life.
P.S. When responding to posts specifically addressed to me. I'd like it known these are just my opinions, and I do not mean for anyone to feel I am passing judgment on them, in any manner whatsoever. I am just giving my opinions of what I have observed, as best as my limited intellect allows me to form such opinions.
posted on May 2, 2001 08:16:39 AM new
Lotsafuzz-thanks!
jlpiece-the one who controls the matrix, um, would be.......... the moderators?
mint4you-even in the CB world, you could hear emotions; sarcasm etc. Here, even with smileys etc, you can't always tell, but I see the comparison, here, a totally withdrawn person can type away anything.
Like some people coming on to threads and and typing out totally mean stuff to another, may not be that way in real life... dunno. I would hope that those aren't that way in real life.
I appreciate the compliment, thanks. It is sort of a catchy phrase, isn't it. My definition of social acceptance, as it pertains to the boards, is being accepted as the individual you truly are. Not trying to make you over to fit someone else's opinions of what you should be, or how you feel as to your personal opinions. Acceptance of you, as not having to fit into someone else's mold to be acceptable to them. Acceptance that as individuals we are all different in many ways, we all realize that, and as such, we accept that fact. We do not try to alter others, in any way, we respect how they are and welcome that difference into the group. We respect that person as having honor, integrity, and honesty. In general, we do not assume a characteristic of which we have no knowledge. We respect what others say, without an automatic assumption there is no truth in it, or that they are trying to mislead us in some way.
As far as your explaining how you feel. I think, in my opinion, you did a very fine job of explaining yourself. This board group is very diverse, no doubt. Diversity is a great forum for debates, and a necessity, for without it there would be no debates. Someone would post a thread, and it would die right there, as everyone would agree in the same manner. How we present our differing opinions, is the basis of most problems on this board. Frankly, I can't think of any problem, where the moderators stepped in, that did not include how an opinion was expressed. Other than an occasional spammer, or a double ID remark.
This is a complete crock. Not passing judgement, you say. Better read your own words:
"I was just wondering why some people need to tear down others opinions, etc? Will the boards survive these types? Although the CG's say to stick to the subject, and address it, they go after the responders who have opinions that don't match theirs? When they can't badger them into looking at the subject with the same mindset, or opinion as they have, they then go after spelling typos or character
assassination? Then to add to this type of simple minded logic, and self gratification, they have their followers who will come in to support their antics? Of course, these so-called self appointed 'Lords of the boards' stay within the CG's, as they have mastered the ability to harass, and attack people, while avoiding the wrath of the moderators. [b]Worst of all, is those who begin to follow this mentality
and before they are aware of it, become likewise 'Infants of intelligence', and find themselves members of the same mindset[/b].
Why do these people sit at their computers all day attacking those who do not see the world as they do? Who knows? Could it be
some deficiency in their childhood, or adult lives? What is it about them that makes others desire to follow them? Like the high school bully beating up another kid, do they want to befriend them, to avoid being a target? Do others really want to be like these types, and end up with such a limited outlook on life, and of others who differ from themselves? Do others also want to sit there all day seeing how much they can tear down another persons opinion, if they don't like it?
Do they have enough character to resist being drawn into the depths of this type of persons narrow mindedness?
Regardless of anyone's opinion, they do have the right to speak it, as long as they stay within the CG's. Do others feel the attempt to thwart others opinions, that differ from their own, is how they really want to end up? Can anyone honestly look at themselves, and say "Yes, I want to be just like them"? There are many fine people on these boards, and just a small minority enjoy being like the above mentioned.
Hopefully, the majority will maintain control of their own identities and individuality, and not slip in to this type of mentality. Can the majority resist being like these people, or will they eventually become just like them, and never realize it? Does it matter to the majority, if these
boards survive such people? And, if so, why cooperate with these types? Why not just put them on permanent 'ignore'? I'm sure I may be
attacked for asking these questions. Really, it's sad in a way, to see such an existence as a means of entertainment. But, if it wakes up even one person by starting this thread, it's worth it. The question I am posing here is this.Has social acceptance become so important, that respectful people will sacrifice their self esteem, self worth, and right to voice their opinions without harassment. Just to maintain social
acceptance on these boards?"
Now what is that? Just your opinion? Nonsense. You're whining because you feel aggrieved that your "opinions" were not accepted, and you're attempting to foster a support against those who did not find your attitudes or beliefs concerning the rights of accused persons either correct within the law, or palatable in any way.
It is you who posted outrageously, and you deserved every single objection that you received.
You made unsupportable statements, NOT opinions, you displayed a complete ignorance of any of the rights that you claimed to be expert in, and you denigrated anyone who disagreed with your absurdities.
It doesn't matter that you so carefully deleted your posts. There's plenty of direct cuts from them for anyone to obtain the gist of what you had said.
All of your "these people" type fingerpointing BS is sickening in it's weakness, and I think that you ought to be ashamed of yourself for sinking so low as to do it. To go on with your premise that certain "followers" are sinking to a level that you decry is demeaning to those *of course unnamed* people, who have a complete and unfettered right to think that your opinions stink all by themselves.
Now there's an opinion, eh? And it's addressed to you, mint4you.
posted on May 2, 2001 09:03:57 AM new
Whoa! I'm not up to speed on this issue, so I'm going to lock this thread at least long enough to review it and if necessary, the other referenced thread.
At any rate, I will reopen this thread after I've had time to review. Perhaps only to lock it again, but at least everyone will know what's going on.
posted on May 2, 2001 09:28:33 AM new
Okay, I've read it. I'm going to reopen the thread with the reminder to everyone to discuss the issue, not the individual.
Oops! Sorry, somehow I overlooked your post directed to me, and yours is the first to respond to the topic? I see what you mean by expressional methods, getting persons in trouble with the moderators. It's those that know how to avoid that intervention, that cause unnecessary difficulties on these boards. They find some way to do more than just debate, and still remain within the CG. It's one thing to remain within the CG, it's another to skirt around them, and come in from another angle.
posted on May 2, 2001 11:17:25 AM newmint4you - hang in there. There really isn't as big a division as you think there is between "us" and "them", altho some would have you think so.
Here, pattaylor...I picked up a super size name brand Tums just for you this morning. Looks like you might need em.
"After a while, tho, you realize that accepting yourself is a lot more important than being accepted by anybody else. When others accept you, it's gravy. Very nice gravy, no doubt - but it's not the meat of the meal."
Say what you mean, mean what you say, and do your damnedest to say it as nicely as possible. As for editing out all your posts - fight that urge.
"Good luck to you."
I've always felt the way you comment in the quotes above. The deletions, up to this point, I've explained in an earlier post. There will be no further deletions of any post of mine, unless the moderators do it. The "Good luck" is very much appreciated. Maybe I should have stated sooner, I am not new to boards, only that I am fairly new to the RT. I have been on many boards and in several clubs. This thread was not posted because of any one specific incident, more of an accumulative series of board incidents on AW. The problem of social acceptance here is an ongoing one, it never ceases. There are far more people on the sidelines, than those who actually do the posting. At times we all will see an ID we have never seen before, make a post. You click on their ID and find out they have been an AW member for a long time, and have just made their first post. The problem, as I see it, if that experience is one in which they are met with less than expected hospitality, or acceptance of their right to post an opposing view, they may return to the top of the pit as I think of it. It's like they are looking at all of us posting down here, and feel compelled to post on a subject of interest to them, and they jump in the pit. Whether they ever post again, depends on how some stretch the CG to go after their point of view, because it differs with theirs. If they view that first post as haven been a very displeasing experience, because of what they may view as an attack, they surely won't post again.
I like the way you lay it out there. Reminds me of me, when I was very much younger. I still maintain that attitude of myself, I have just softened in how I deal with others, usually. More so, than I used to, years ago.
"Social acceptance" from "...lotsafuzz, Spaz, enchanted, etc." I don't think of those as just ID's. I know they are representative of real people. Just like your given name. As such, I respect that the ID refers to you, and the others. Because it is fictitious, does not mean it is to be respected any less, in my opinion. After all, it is you, as well as the others.
Thanks, I appreciate your comment on the 'Lords of the Boards'. I must apologize now to the Ladies of the RT. I did not mean to leave you Ladies out when thinking up that title. I'm definitely not a sexist. Then again, I'm sure there isn't one Lady in the RT deserving of such a title anyway, is there?
smiley correction~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[ edited by mint4you on May 2, 2001 11:46 AM ]
