posted on February 14, 2001 07:30:19 AM new
Well, we've just about had it!! We specialize in Antiques and Collectibles. Try as we might to describe an item in intimate detail, there may be occasions where something is missed. i.e A crack in an 1860's piece of porcelain that was clearly visible after the buyer put it on his Electon Microscope or the dolt who Says the Crystal Glass Lamps are Discolored!!?? Let's face, Nothing we Have is "Perfect."
Anywho, I'd like to insert a Friendly, Humorous, or otherwise Non-Insulting, Non-Threatening TOS into our auctions.
Any assistance, as always, is Greatly Appreciated.
posted on February 14, 2001 07:46:59 AM new
Here's a good example of TOS that I found on ebay. I edited out a few things.
"****** (small packet items) THREE WAYS TO SHIP:: #1: "The Gambler" - Regular first class in a plain or homemade envelope wrapped in paper and secured with tape $1.20 We or the post office are not responsible unless you insure USA see next - #2: "The Trucker" The shipping, handling, delivery confirmaton, and insurance for this item anywhere USA:: Via First Class Mail, Padded Envelope, and Cert. Of Mailing is $3.00 - add .80 cents for insurance - TOTAL $3.80. #3: "Alfred E. Neuman Special" For PRIORITY MAIL (In a USPS Box) with handling charges via US Postal priority mail and delivery confirmation is 4.40 for additional handling & insurance add $1. that's $5.40 Total.- For outside USA please contact seller or see www.usps.com and use our zip code XXXXX for a price point. The following terms still apply but the preceeding shipping chages are in effect unless you want the "Pony Express" special. But don't forget to read the other terms below: ***********______Terms & Stuff______********** Winning bidder must send ebay item number and description with payment. All funds are US Dollars or International Gold in US Dollars (if you want to pay in gold). For US Sales: Winner to pay $3.20 proirity postal charge for shipping, plus insurance, and delivery confirmation tag cost and handling (Total $ 6.20 shipping added to the final bid price) That means you should calculate that into the final cost. US Postal Money Orders get same day shipment upon reciept - that's PONY EXPRESS! Bank Money orders: will ship 3 days from reciept. Personal or business checks: ship 14 days from reciept. If the check bounces that's Interstate Mail Fraud (a criminal felony) and we notify the cops (FBI) or a vigilante (your choice). International Postal Money Orders are good. We will not take checks or Bank Money Orders outside US. We will accept a bid pay or third party payment so long as we don't have to email anybody and no salesman calls - just tell them to send it and where to. We don't accept VISA and MASTERCARD unless they send us cash or something as good as cash. Yea.. we'll take Gold bullion coins @ .999 fine or Canadian Maple Leafs at the market value when it gets here less what broker fees when we cash it in and we will send you the change in a US Postal Money Order. Payment in Gold must account for at least 50% of the value of the final price. We always use insurance and delivery confirmation. If you don't want insurance then we still have delivery confiormation that proves we sent it. If you bid and do not claim your merchandise we will give you negative feedback and we will get really pissed off and you don't want that kind of karma on you. We're nice people. Please see our other auctions. Good luck. - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Please Note: NO SALES TO XXXXXXXX RESIDENTS: XXXXXXXX Tax Law prohibits sale to XXXXXXXXX residents without collection of 6% tax.As we no longer use our certificate of Authority to collect Sales Tax, we cannot sell to XXXXXXXX Residents. HONOR AMERICA - BUY AMERICAN & SUPPORT THE NRA http://www.nra.org ____________________ We DO NOT ship to the following countries (no exception - and we don't have to tell you why) NO SHIPMENT TO:: China; Hong Kong; Taiwan; Mexico; Nigeria; Turkey; Phillapeans; Panama; Nicaragua; Columbia; Ghana; Zaire; India; Pakistan; Israel; Lebanon; Iran; Iraq; Jordan; or to people who actually believe they are from another planet. If you're an ilegal or a resident of the USA speak English or get the XXXX out, and we won't ship to you either. If you are not the politically correct type and not afraid to speak up of how screwed up the people in this country are about that XXXX.. including you and I I will knock .25 (twenty-five cents) off the price. What can you do with .25 ? Well you can auction something off on ebay."
posted on February 14, 2001 07:56:51 AM new
Thanks LooseCannon!!
That one was high on the humor scale but was a bit long-winded. By the time I got done reading it, I would have forgotten not only what I was searching for but also the name of our first born (good ol'e what's his name?).
You definitely got the right idea though. If you have to bore the pants off them with legal shtuff, might as well leave them chuckling. I know I was!!
posted on February 14, 2001 10:03:49 AM newHarmonygrove-You could put in your TOS that although your items are EXCELLENT they may not be PERFECT, if they were perfect you would either:
1. Have them in a musuem OR
2. The starting price would probably make them clutch their heart!
You could also tell them on a scale of 1-10 your items are GUARANTEED to be somewhere on the scale above 1 and below 10!
posted on February 14, 2001 10:43:11 AM new
You are absolultely on Target Sulyn1950!! I think I would add that if the item was REALLY perfect, I'd add it to my Own Collection!!
posted on February 14, 2001 11:01:21 AM new
I would NEVER have thought of using the electron microscope I have access to here at work to examine my ebay purchases.
posted on February 14, 2001 11:16:12 AM newCaptainkirk-After you start examining your eBay purchase under that electron microscope, be sure and contact the seller if you find any "hidden/undisclosed" flaws and ask for a partial refund!
If they baulk, you can tell them that if they are going to sell on eBay, they SHOULD invest in one themselves so they can make ACCURATE condition statements in their adds and NOT misrepresent the item!
posted on February 14, 2001 11:32:52 AM new
Lordy, lordy, I have 3 magnifying glasses, a jewellers loop, and desk lamp magnifying lamp, a black light, now it looks like I will have to invest in an electron magnifying tool. This has been the best chuckle all day, thank you all.
