posted on March 3, 2007 08:38:27 PM
Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our
jobs.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that
ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance
complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on
back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right
wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away
from midget.
_____________________
People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.
posted on March 4, 2007 09:51:28 AM
I too laugh out loud when re-reading this, which was sent by a newspaper columnist friend. Sometimes I think one of the true miracles in life is comedy. I'm in awe of those who can produce it off the cuff, ad lib, like Stephen Colbert.
_____________________
People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.
posted on March 5, 2007 09:45:54 AM
Thanks - that was funny. After spending all morning on the phone with one automated telephone system after another - I needed it too.
posted on March 5, 2007 07:51:20 PM
Bahahaha too funny
************** I married my wife for her looks, but Not the one she gives me lately!
$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Check it out
And Feebay stuff at This link
posted on March 5, 2007 08:13:37 PM
Glad you liked it, irked (now that you're an old guy). I don't know why I like it so much, but it must be the great one-liners. Every time I read it, I laugh out loud again.
_____________________
People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.
posted on March 5, 2007 08:43:20 PM
Having worked at a small airline many years ago (won't mention any names but they were in New England and were part of Eastern Airlines) and knowing what really went on in the maintenance hangar, this really made me chuckle. The small airline that I worked for fixed a lot of problems with duct tape...I kid you not! Makes me wonder why I ever dared fly on them. Or maybe that explains why they went out of business.
posted on March 5, 2007 09:43:27 PM
Duct tape?!!!!!! YEEE-IKES.
I love the dead bugs one.
_____________________
People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.
posted on March 6, 2007 06:44:17 AM
Funny, sort of, airplane experience. I flew Friday evening, supposed to take off at 7:40 and at 7:35 they told us there was a minor cockpit problem and there would be a delay. At 8:15 they said they had located a repairman and he would be there in 45 minutes as there was not one at the airport (small 8 gate airport). What they did not tell us until much later was they had to fly the mechanic in from Chicago and the problem was a tray table that would not stay in the upright position because the latch was broken. Several of us volunteered to get a screwdriver out of our cars to fix it, no dice, union job. At 10:00 p.m. we finally took off, they had taken the whole seat out to remove the tray table and put it back in. Unbelievable!!
posted on March 6, 2007 09:14:12 AM
Pat, what a story! I'd imagine they could have duct-taped the thing just for the flight.
_____________________
People who want to share their religious views with you almost
never want you to share yours with them.
I married my wife for her looks, but Not the one she gives me lately! 
Or maybe that explains why they went out of business.