posted on July 26, 2000 07:48:58 PM new
Maui...we know several couples who are childless. Most of them WANT to be and are very happy and comfortable with their lifestyle. It's a truly personal choice and I admire people who can make that decision when most of their immediate families and friends are trying to convince them otherwise.
It is so much better to refrain from having children than to have them and not really be willing to be a parent 100%. Whether their reasons are health, or money, or just plain selfishness, it is no one's business but their own.
*************************
That's Flunky Gerbiltush to you!
posted on July 26, 2000 07:52:19 PM new
It would be better overall if more people really gave the matter thought before having children. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Nothing wrong with abstaining.
posted on July 26, 2000 07:54:24 PM new
Are they bad if they don't want to have kids? No...
I'm a parent of 4 kids, 3 boys ages 20, 18, 16, and a daughter who is 13. (whew, I'm tired)
Having kids is a very important life long decision. Many people I think get married and have kids without ever thinking past the "cute little baby" stage. If a couple is in total agreement about not having kids, then they probably shouldn't. I do think that many young couples start out saying they don't won't kids, and then the "parent" hormones kick in and the whole thing changes.
But, to have kids because they feel pressured is wrong too. And no, this doesn't make anyone a bad person. What's bad is having kids and then not taking care of them. And that means more than just feeding and clothing them. Parenting is a full time job, don't let anyone tell you any different.
posted on July 26, 2000 08:14:44 PM new
People who don't want children and don't have them are behaving responsibly and in society's best interest. People who love animals, love animals, whether or not they have children. (??!!??) I have to wonder why we'd be expected to want to characterize those who exercise reproductive restraint as "bad," or to judge their motives, for any reason. The way the questions were framed makes them seem an exercise in noncontemplatory inquiry. An "anti-ponderment," if you will.
Some reading for those who genuinely wonder about the actual issues involved in willful nonreproduction:
posted on July 26, 2000 09:17:30 PM new
People who realize that they do not have the patience and tolerance of children required to raise them (which may in fact be different than out and out dislike) are wise not to have them.
Too many ppl have children for the wrong reasons, and often that is to fill a void in their own lives. Children are not toys or other such disposable belongings...If you can give a child your life, you are on the right track to being a good parent. If not, you should not have them. And deciding not to have them does not necessarily mean you are a bad person.
posted on July 26, 2000 09:26:35 PM new
Oh, and btw, while we're on this subject, Maui will know who I'm talking about here... (It's not her) What stinks is someone who selfishly has a child for the wrong reasons and then dumps them off on someone else after a couple of years because they cramp their style. There is no worse parent than the one who abandons their child simply so they don't have to deal with them. When you make a child, you make a committment. Period.
posted on July 26, 2000 09:40:26 PM new
My sister and her husband have been married for more than 20 years. No kids.
They were in the Navy, met in Italy, got married in Italy. They have lived in California for 18 years. I'm happy to tell you they are very happy together.
They love their dog Gunther...
I have a couple of pictures of my sister posted at the following site;
posted on July 26, 2000 09:58:30 PM new
If men had to give birth to the first child, women to the second, and so on, no couple would have more than two children.
If people had to pass a 'parenting' class before they could have children, a lot of people who don't need to have kids, wouldn't...they'd be too lazy to take the class!
posted on July 26, 2000 10:24:21 PM new
I didnt think about how to phrase the questions in any particular way....just typed them out and hit SUBMIT. I put the question of "loving animals but not wanting children" because many folks have said "if they dont like kids, they cant love animals. EVERYONE loves kids". Not so. My mother didnt like kids. Any kids. Me included. This is not a sob story..its just a fact. She told me this when I was just a child, and I grew up with those words told to me dailey "I dont like kids, and that includes you and your sister". No anger involved, no yelling and screaming...just plain hard facts. But, she loved her cats and her dog and said so.
I asked this ponderment, because some folks flat out dont like kids. Period. And it doesnt necessarily mean that these people are bad in MHO. I wanted to get other input from posters, so I used it as a ponderment.
Yes, Cat....I know who you are talking about. Same thing happened with the dog, too, ya know. Out of sight, out of mind, eh?
posted on July 26, 2000 10:29:17 PM new
Being a parent is such a tough job that I think it's unrealistic to believe that everyone is cut out for it or desires it.
That doesn't make them good or bad - it's just a personal decision.
Here's some truisms I dug up from my favorite role model, Erma Bombeck (God rest her soul)
"Kids have little computer bodies with disks that store information. They remember who had to do the dishes the last time you had spaghetti, who lost the knob off the TV set six years ago, who got punished for teasing the dog when he wasn't teasing the dog and who had to wear girls boots the last time it snowed.
Mothers have to remember what food each child likes or dislikes, which one is allergic to penicillin and hamster fur, who gets carsick and who isn't kidding when he stands outside the bathroom door and tells you what's going to happen if he doesn't get in right away. It's tough. If they all have the same hair color they tend to run together."
posted on July 26, 2000 10:43:01 PM newMaui Looks like I was typing while you were posting. I hate it when that happens.
My comments about it not being good or bad weren't directed at you, btw, just the way I see it.
About people that love animals but don't like kids - We had a guy on the Search team a while back that treated my kids (everyone's) like they didn't exist. He completely ignored them - even if they asked him a direct question. He seemed more baffled by them than agitated though. The guy really loved his dogs though and was unbelievably responsive to them. He had a son too, but the son lived in another state and the guy couldn't even remember how old he was. He's the only person I ever met that was like that - what an odd experience. I think he was overwhelmed with the parenting aspect - and so, chose to pour himself into his animals - something he felt more able to handle.
Also, it hasn't been that long ago that everyone thought there was something wrong with a person who didn't want kids. I'm so glad most of us are over that.
I guess I've always paid more attention to people who have children and shouldn't than people who don't.
I get really irritated at fathers or mothers who leave their families for new horizons and parents who are stil together yet do nothing to support their children emotionally. Even in small towns there are ragtag kids running around with no supervision at all hours.
Right now we have the yardball invasion and they are disappearing about as quickly as they are displayed. It's hilarious to hear the City Board discuss it. You'd think it was the only thing happening in town, mainly because the ex mayor's got taken but it was solid so it just got dented instead of broken. It was found on the other side of town. You just have to live here. I'm sorry to get off topic Maui.
I figure if people don't want to have children, it's their decision and none of my business.
posted on July 26, 2000 11:54:27 PM new
Just for the record though, Maui likes my kids!
At least that's what she told me, lol... and she's not the kind to spare my feelings by sparing the truth... that's a good thing
posted on July 26, 2000 11:58:52 PM new
You know, before I had kids, my ex and I tried for years. I had 5 miscarriages over those years till I finally found a doctor that would speak English to me and help me figure out why rather than spew that "It's for the best" crap that they love to spew...
And during this time there was many a time when, in casual conversation, someone would ask why we didn't have kids. At the time, it irritated me because we were trying but thinking back, what f@cking business was it of theirs in the first place?
I'll bet childless couples, by choice or not so, get asked that question a lot.
posted on July 27, 2000 12:46:27 AM new
When I was a teenager I declared that I was never going to have any kids - ever.
After eleven years of marriage, I still feel that way.
I have three dogs, six horses, and one husband, but no maternal instincts.
[ edited by BlondeSense on Jul 27, 2000 12:48 AM ]
posted on July 27, 2000 07:30:12 AM new What about folks who would rather be around animals, loves animals, but dont particularly like children? no it's just easier to understand animals
I made a decision long time ago that i do not wish to have any children. I'm not the only one in the family with that choice.
I'm the youngest in the family so I'm, in a sense, still a child.
What about folks who flat out dont like children? Does that make them bad people? that depends on the children and the folks.
are you referring folks who have children and they resented having them? I've seen that too often.
What about folks who dont feel comfortable around children? Are they bad? not really. they just have trouble understanding them and it really depends on the children's attitude.
for example, I can't stand extremelyLOUD, SQUEALING, and SCREAMING children because they hurt my ears dreadfully but I also don't care for their parents who are off their own little world while their kids are bothering a lot of pple.
posted on July 27, 2000 07:47:13 AM new
As a casual observation, those people who let their kids run wild, also let their animals run wild. They are the type who want the "fun" parts of parenthood and pets, but not the "hard, get your hands dirty" parts of it.
posted on July 27, 2000 07:56:48 AM new
Mybiddness...I wasnt thinking you were directing anything to me...I just wanted to clarify why I formed the questions that way
It took my mom and dad 10 years to have my sister and I. Thats what my mom told us year after year. But she always told us "but then I got you two" afterwards. Dam, guess I was a brat, eh? My sister lives with my mother as we speak...and has been there with her for 20 years, along with HER daughter. I split when I was 17. My dad died, and he was the only reason I stayed up to then. They should never have had children. Daddy loved kids....adored them. Mom had us because she wanted to make him happy, I think. Water under the bridge now. She wasnt a beater, or starved us of food or shelter. She just didnt like kids...her own included. She didnt give love, and when she DID, it was in the form of gifts. Mom just didnt have it in her. When I was young, I didnt understand, and I was angry for many years, as well as down on myself because I must have been "bad" for Mom to love her pets more than me. Now that Im older...I undertand she just couldnt help being the way she was.
Didnt mean to get into my life here...just wanted different views.
