posted on September 12, 2003 01:21:24 PM
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my tush is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."
He thinks about it for a bit and then says, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight!"
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
posted on September 14, 2003 11:44:41 AM
A grieving widow preparing the funeral arrangements told the director she wanted her husband buried in a blue suit.
"Wouldn't it be easier to bury him in the black suit he is in now?" inquired the director.
"No, it must be a blue suit."
When the funeral day came the husband was dressed in a blue suit and the widow was impressed how nice the funeral director had made him look in the suit.
She asked, "How much did it cost to get the blue suit?"
"Actually, it didn't cost a thing." he answered, "Funny story, right after you left another widow came in here with her dead husband and he was wearing a blue suit and was about your husband's size. So I asked if she would mind if he were buried in a black suit. She said she didn't mind at all. So......I switched their heads."
