posted on March 23, 2005 09:18:23 AM new
SAN FRANCISCO, California --- Researchers at the University of California San Francisco announced today that they have identified the gene responsible for liberalism in humans. The discovery is being hailed as a major breakthrough.
Scientists determined that this particular gene causes the brain to operate on an extreme emotional level while suppressing the ability for the brain to interpret factual data and make logical conclusions based on reason. The gene also has the odd effect of stimulating urine production and causing more bed wetting than for people who do not carry the gene.
"We need to do further testing, but it appears me may now have the ability to develop treatments for people who are born with a pre-disposition for liberalism," said Ike Kahn of UCSF. "We still have a lot of work to do. There is minimal understanding of how some people who have the gene are able to overcome liberalism while others are not. We also know it is a recessive gene, but we don't know if it was passed from the mother or the father or both. The gene appears to be most common in Europeans, particularly French. We hope to have a test developed for the genetic marker soon, so people can know if they are a carrier and risk passing the gene on to their children. For the time being, we are recommending that no one have sex with a French person."
About the Writer: Jeremy Robb is a San Francisco resident and satirist who notes that he is on a "one man's jihad against liberalism." He is the editor of the "Jerhad!com Newsletter" and his website is at http://www.jerhad.com. Jeremy receives e-mail at [email protected].
A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones that need the advice."
- Bill Cosby
