posted on August 16, 2005 10:10:59 PM new
This is a true story from the WordPerfect Help line
which was transcribed from a recording monitoring
the customer care department.
Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired.
(now I
know why they record these conversations)
"Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
the words went away." "Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing." "Nothing?"
It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like
a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall." "Yes it is,"
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not
just one?" "No."
"Well , there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into the back of your computer." "I can't reach,"
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's
because it's dark." "Dark?"
"Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I
have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then." "I cant."
"No? Why not?" "Because there's a power failure.
"A power....... a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've
got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals
and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back
to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
posted on August 17, 2005 11:08:09 AM new
I liked both of those....funny.
I prefer political ones though:
"The Democrats are all over this. They're complaining President Bush has spent over 21% of his time out of the White House. Well that's nothing. Since Bush has been president Democrats have been out of the White House 100% of the time." --Jay Leno
posted on August 17, 2005 01:44:57 PM new
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates , do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
"Triplefilter?" asked the acquaintance.
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"
"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates . "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary ...".
"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?".
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued." You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"
"No, not really ..."
"Well," concluded Socrates , "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was shagging his wife.
