posted on April 29, 2006 11:06:38 AM new
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England.
In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.
Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course,
As "Sinko de Mayo."
**************
Some minds are like concrete,
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
posted on April 29, 2006 04:49:53 PM new
Traditionally they celebrate by consuming mass quantities of beer. The new urban Latino has moved on to wines and prefers Bartles and Jaymes, or as they call it, 'Dos Okies'.
posted on May 1, 2006 11:08:18 PM new
Another joke for ya just don't shoot the messenger. LOL
What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian
who was drunk on Scottish whisky,
( check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an American,
using Bill Gate's technology, and you're probably reading this on your
computer, that uses Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and
trucked to you by Mexican illegal's.....
That, my friends, is Globalization
**************
Some minds are like concrete,
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
posted on May 4, 2006 03:46:42 PM new
A man walked into the produce section of this local supermarket and
asked to buy a half head of lettuce. The boy working in that department
told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent
that the boy ask his manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager: "Some
#*!@ wants to buy a half head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he
turned to find the man standing right behind him, and he quickly added,
"And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager
approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got
yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here.
Where are you from, son?" "Wisconsin, sir" the boy replied. "Well, why did
you leave Wisconsin?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing
up there but whores and football players!""Really?" said the manager. "My wife
is from Wisconsin." "No kidding?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"
posted on May 4, 2006 05:21:41 PM new
Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 5-iron
standing over a lifeless man. The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your
husband?"
"Yes," says the woman.
"Did you hit him with that golf club?"
"Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her
hands on her face.
"How many times did you hit him?"
"I don't know, five, six, maybe seven times... just put me down for a five." **************************************
A guy walks up to a beautiful woman in a shopping mall. "Excuse me" he says
"But I've lost my wife here somewhere and I can't find her.
Could you please help me?"
"What do you need me to do?" asks the woman.
"Just stand here and talk to me" the man replies.
"How's that going to help?" she asks.
"No idea really... but every time I talk to a woman who looks like you do,
my wife appears out of nowhere."
**************
Some minds are like concrete,
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
posted on May 4, 2006 05:41:34 PM new
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman, wearing a tight mini skirt, was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped, and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the
first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed, and with a quick smile to
the bus driver, she reached behind to unzip her skirt a little...thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more...and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist...and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic...and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!"
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you....but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was
friends."
"“More Iraqis think things are going well in Iraq than Americans do. I guess they don’t get the New York Times over there.”—Jay Leno".
posted on May 24, 2006 11:06:06 PM new
This is a 2fer...........
1.........
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.
He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?"
She responds, "No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?"
***************
2............
"What's Your Business Sign?"
1) MARKETING You are ambitious yet stupid.
You chose a marketing degree to avoid having
to study in college, concentrating instead on
drinking and socializing which is pretty much
what your job responsibilities are now. Least
compatible with Sales.
2) SALES Laziest of all signs, often referred to
as "marketing without a degree." You are also
self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone
calls you and begs you to take their money, you
like to avoid contact with customers so you can
"concentrate on the big picture." You seek
admiration for your golf game throughout your life.
3) TECHNOLOGY Unable to control anything in
your personal life, you are instead content to
completely control everything that happens at your
workplace. Often even YOU don't understand
what you are saying but who the hell can tell.
It is written that Geeks shall inherit the Earth.
4) ENGINEERING One of only two signs that
actually studied in school. It is said that engineers
place ninety percent of all Personal Ads. You can
be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the
latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all
know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel
syndrome."
5) ACCOUNTING The only other sign that studied
in school. You are mostly immune from office
politics. You are the most feared person in the
organization; combined with your extreme
organizational traits, the majority of rumors
concerning you say that you are completely insane.
6) HUMAN RESOURCES Ironically, given your
access to confidential information, you tend to
be the biggest gossip within the organization.
Possibly the only other person that does less
work than marketing, you are unable to return
any calls today because you have to get a haircut,
have lunch AND then mail a letter.
7) MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT Catty,
cutthroat, yet completely spineless, you are destined
to remain at your current job for the rest of your life.
Unable to make a single decision you tend to
measure your worth by the number of meetings
you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry
other "Middle Managers" as everyone in your
social circle is a "Middle Manager."
8) SENIOR MANAGEMENT (See above - Same
sign, different title)
9) CUSTOMER SERVICE Bright, cheery, positive,
you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own
life. As children very few of you asked your parents
for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so
you could pretend to play "Customer Service."
Continually passed over for promotions, your
best bet is to sleep with your manager. Or finish
that damn two-year degree...
10) CONSULTANT Lacking any specific knowledge,
you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack
of experience. You have convinced yourself that your
"skills" are in demand and that you could get a higher
paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat.
You will spend an eternity contemplating these
career opportunities without ever taking direct action.
11) RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER" As a "person"
that profits from the success of others, most people
who actually work for a living disdain you. Paid on
commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your
ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond
directly with fluctuations in the stock market.
12) PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO You are brilliant
or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems
such as the fax machine suggest the latter.
13) GOVERNMENT WORKER Paid to take days off.
Government workers are genius inventors, like the
invention of new Holidays. They usually suffer from
deep depression or anxiety and usually commit
serious crimes while on the job...Thus the term
"GO POSTAL."
**************
Some minds are like concrete,
thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
[ edited by irked on May 24, 2006 11:11 PM ]
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