posted on October 9, 2008 05:10:14 PM new
Dear Red States...
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
posted on October 9, 2008 05:22:42 PM new
Don't forget the upper eastern third of Ohio!! Particularly Cuyahoga County.
Cheryl
Whitman said she and McCain share a philosophy of scaling back the role of government. a point of view partly shaped by her EBay experience. "The EBay model is very Republican in its essence -- it's about making a small number of rules and getting out of the way while not overtaxing the community," she said.
posted on October 14, 2008 03:24:27 PM new
Speaking of red and blue states. . .I was driving to the printer's with Troy who happens to be my best friend. He and I noticed that along the way most of the houses on the right side of the street had McCain signs. Most of those on the left had Obama signs. Of course, that changed while driving the other direction, but since the election was our main topic of conversation during the drive there we thought it was ironic.
Cheryl
Whitman said she and McCain share a philosophy of scaling back the role of government. a point of view partly shaped by her EBay experience. "The EBay model is very Republican in its essence -- it's about making a small number of rules and getting out of the way while not overtaxing the community," she said.
posted on October 14, 2008 03:31:58 PM new
Just off the press - Palin's husband Todd will be making a tour of the Iron Range (aka Da Range) in Northern Minnesota this week:
"The husband of Alaska governor and vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin will visit the Iron Range and northwestern Minnesota this week.
John McCain's Minnesota campaign said Todd Palin is expected to speak with voters and outdoors enthusiasts in Duluth, Grand Rapids and Bemidji on Thursday. He'll visit Thief River Falls and Moorhead on Friday.
Palin will tour the state with his snowmobile racing partner Scott Davis, a Grand Rapids native.
The McCain campaign has been trying to gain ground in northeastern Minnesota, which has traditionally supported Democrats. The campaign has held several "Sportsmen for McCain-Palin" events in the area to appeal to outdoors enthusiasts. "
Now tell me what this has to do with politics? Minnesota sportsmen ARE sportsmen and don't shoot animals from helicopters!
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