posted on November 17, 2000 08:12:05 AM
See What Happens When You Don't Elect A President?
>>NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>>
>>To the citizens of the United States of America,
>>
>>In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
>>govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
>>independence, effective today.
>>
>>Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
>>does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP, for
>>the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world >>
>>outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need
>>for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
>>questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
>>noticed.
>>
>>To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
Rules
>>are introduced with immediate effect:
>>
>>1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
>>look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should
raise
>>your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the
same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you
>>know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up
>>"interspersed".
>>
>>2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
>>your behalf.
>>
>>3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
>>really isn't that hard.
>>
>>4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
>>good guys.
>>
>>5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
>>but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
>>confused and give up half way through.
>>
>> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
of
>>football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
>>game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
>>borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You
>>will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
>>football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It
is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
>>play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
>>stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
>>side by 2005.
>>
>>7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
>>they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
>>is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
Russians have never been the bad guys.
>>
>>8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
>>national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
Day".
>>
>>9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are junk and it is for your
>>own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
>>
>>10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>>
>>Thank you for your cooperation.
