posted on November 27, 2000 10:59:55 PM
I may have led a sheltered life so tell me how this is done in your family.
When we give gifts we consider it impolite to exchange them unless they are maybe the wrong size or something you are deathly allergic to. Sometime you get what you may consider a lemon but it is a supposed to be the love behind the gift that makes you cherish it.
I was stunned (my first year in Texas) when I went to a friends house the day after Christmas and she had all the gifts her relatives had sent her from California in a box ready to exchange them.
"I should be able to get enough credit to buy a new rug for the hall" she said.
I was shocked. Then I looked to make sure the gift I got her wasn't in the box.(it wasn't)
Why go to all the trouble of selecting just the right gift if this is the way it is received.
I have given her gift certificates to the book store every year since this incident.
Well what do you think?
Well, you are right. It is rude but I always give gifts to the kids and adults telling them if the size isn't right or they would rather exchange it for something else it is fine with me and I mean it. That is part of the reason I save the receipts.
My thinking on this is I don't like to throw away money and if a gift is going to be hidden in the back of the closet or in the attic or given away because they didn't like it then I would rather they not waste my money and get something they like.
Other than clothing that does not fit I do not exchange gifts nor would I even think about exchanging or hiding any other gift. They spent their money on me and lots of thought and I will proudly display it.
I also wouldn't be stupid enough to blatently do it as your friend did either.
posted on November 27, 2000 11:30:53 PM
It wouldn't bother me. This is probably gonna sound dumb but most of the people I exchange gifts with are poor. For instance I have returned the gifts I got one year to afford to buy boots for the kids. I appreciated the gifts very much it wasn't that I didn't but taking back something that was a luxery for something needed made me much happier.
If I give someone something that they don't want I would hope they would take it back and get something they do want. I gave the gift to make them happy not me happy otherwise I would have bought myself a gift
Oddish~ The Odd One
posted on November 28, 2000 09:21:44 AM
Ditto to the idea that the gift should be what the recipient would like and enjoy.
Problem is, we all have very different tastes. While you may have made every effort to find something "just right" for a special someone, it may not be quite what they had in mind. So, if they exchange it for a more suitable item, I say good for them.
It doesn't mean they didn't appreciate the gift OR the thought behind it.
FWIW
When I got married, a relative wanted to buy me a lamp and suggested I meet her at a lamp shop to choose one. I picked out a very inexpensive lamp and we left without her purchasing anything. When I was finally presented the lamp, it was not the one I chose! Same price, but a completely different style. When I looked surprised she said, "I liked this one better!" Well, gee, thanks but it was not even usable in my living room; totally clashed. I bit my tongue and used the out of place lamp for awhile, but every time I looked at it I got queasy. Finally, I had enough and donated it to a church sale.
I still can't comprehend why you would want to give a gift and not care if the other person would like it. Like oddish said, why don't they just buy themselves a gift then?
posted on November 28, 2000 09:29:47 AM
I'm with oddish on this one. When I give a gift, then it belongs to the giftee. If they want to return it or exchange it, it's theirs to do with as they please, and if they find something more useful or that they like better, great!
posted on November 28, 2000 10:04:27 AM
When my mom gives me clothes she always says that I can exchange them if I don't like them. If I don't like something she gives me I'm usually polite and find something nice to say about it, and I either keep it or sell it under my alternate eBay ID. One time I was honest, though, and said I was considering exchanging something, and she seemed rather hurt even though she had made a point of saying beforehand that it was OK to exchange anything I didn't like. I felt just awful! Now I'm going to love everything she sends no matter what.
I also tried to exchange a sweater my parents gave me for Christmas a couple of years ago, but when I got it to the store I found out it had been very expensive. Since my parents are bargain shoppers, I knew they must have thought it was just perfect for me, so I couldn't bring myself to exchange it. I still have it and I've worn it, too.
I think the bottom line about returning or exchanging a gift is doing it subtly and politely, and expressing gratitude for the kindness someone has shown by giving it to you.
posted on November 28, 2000 01:49:19 PM
Rainybear - I know how you feel about the sweater. I'm not the best of cooks, (the microwave queen) , but my mother was a very good cook.
One year for Christmas, she gave me and hubby a juicer, something neither of us would ever use, but she thought it would make a nice and thoughtful gift for us.
I kept the juicer, and now that's she passed away, every time I see that juicer I think of her love and thoughtfulness.
posted on November 29, 2000 10:58:49 AM
My wonderful (and very missed) grandmother would always put the receipt for her gift in a sealed envelope at the bottom of the box.
If an exchange was necessary, I would call her up and take her with me so she could be part of the process. She never did get that I'll never be a size 8 who wears lots of pastels and florals, but those shopping excursions with her (with time out for lunch of course) were wonderful!
If I gave her something that "disappeared" after I gave it to her, I'd also suggest a shopping trip so she could get what she wanted.
So, while it's probably not good etiquette to return a gift, I vote that I'd rather have the recipient happy than super polite.
