posted on November 29, 2000 06:29:38 PM
Just got this from my son and thought I'd share (even though, I suspect, most of you are sick of hearing election "news"....here goes!!!
Can we count them with our nose?
Can we count them with our toes?
Should we count them with a band?
Should we count them all by hand?
If I do not like the count,
I will simply throw them out!
I will not let this vote count stand
I do not like them, AL GORE I am!
Can we change these numbers here?
Can we change them, calm my fears?
What do you mean, Dubya has won?
This is not fair, this is not fun
Let's count them upside down this time
Let's count until the state is mine!
I will not let this VOTE count stand!
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
I'm really ticked, I'm in a snit!
You have not heard the last of it!
I'll count the ballots one by one
And hold each one up to the sun!
I'll count, recount, and count some more!
You'll grow to hate this little chore
But I will not, cannot let this vote count stand!
I do not like it, Al Gore I am!
I won't leave office, I'm stayin' here!
I've glued my desk chair to my rear!
Tipper, Hillary, and Bubba too,
all telling me that I should sue!
We find the Electoral College vile!
RECOUNT the votes until I smile!
We do not want this vote to stand!
We do not like it, AL GORE I am!
How shall we count this ballot box?
Let's count it standing in our socks!
Shall we count this one in a tree?
And who shall count it, you or me?
We cannot, cannot count enough!
We must not stop, we must be tough!
I do not want this vote to stand!
I do not like it AL GORE I am!
I've counted till my fingers bleed!
And still can't fulfill my counting need!
I'll count the tiles on the floor!
I'll count, and count, and count some more!
And I will not say that I am done!
Until the counting says I've won!
I will not let this vote count stand!
I do not like it, AL GORE I am!
What's that? What? What are you trying to say?
You think the current count should stay?
You do not like my counting scheme?
It makes you tense, gives you bad dreams?
Foolish people, you're wrong you'll see!
Your only care should be for me!
I WILL NOT LET THIS VOTE COUNT STAND!
I DO NOT LIKE IT. AND AL GORE I AM!
posted on December 5, 2000 12:22:18 PM
........more dr. suess! this is pretty hilarious!
How the Grinch Stole Election Day
By Frank Cammuso and Hart Seely
Every Chad Down in Chad-ville Liked voting a lot ... But the Grinch, Who
lived just north of Chad-ville Did NOT!
The Grinch hated voting! He thought it a bore. Now, please don't ask why.
Could be Bush, could be Gore. It could be his heart bled with liberal mush.
It could be, perhaps, that he listened to Rush. But I think the real reason
his trust was so shattered Was the great Grinchy view that his vote never
mattered. BUT Whatever the reason, Lack of trust, lack of goals, The Grinch
dreaded
that day when Chads went to the polls. He just hated those speeches and
negative ads, And when push came to shove, he just hated the Chads. He just
hated their theme parks, their football-team rooters, He just hated their
gun laws, their barmaids at Hooters. He just hated their weather, even
hated their hate. And he hated that they were a battleground state.
"So they're making their choices," he snarled with a sneer. "This 'Decision
Two Thousand' is practically here! "They'll struggle to choose 'tween a
crumb and a bum, " 'Cause a voter's a voter, no matter how dumb." Then he
growled, his Grinch fingers nervously drumming, "I MUST find a way to keep
outcomes from coming!"
For tomorrow, he knew ... All the flag-waving souls, Would again waste
their efforts on Clintons or Doles. And by then, oh, the polls! Oh, the
polls!
Polls! Polls! Polls! That's the one thing he hated! The POLLS! POLLS!
POLLS! POLLS!
So the Chads, rich and poor, and by bus, car, or boat, They would vote! And
they'd vote! And they'd VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! They would vote to ban
smoking or clearing your throat. They would even vote laws in for curbing
your goat.
And THEN ... They'd sing that anthem. It always came later. Be they
Bush-ites or Gore-ites or ites of Ralph Nader. They'd stand close together,
and though still full of fight, They'd stand and they'd sing, by that
dawn's early light.
And the more the Grinch thought of Election Day's ring, The more the Grinch
thought, "I must stop this whole thing! "Why, for two hundred years I've
put up with it now! "I MUST stop these outcomes from coming! "... But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! Yes, a legal idea! THE GRINCH GOT AN AWFUL BUT LEGAL
IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed with a jig. And he wove from
his goat a Sam Donaldson wig. And into the mirror he spoke with grand
rancor, "With this helmet of hair, they'll all think I'm an anchor!"
"All I need are some ballots ..." The Grinch looked around. But since
ballots were private, there were none to be found. So he made his own
ballot, printing letters quite little, And he scattered the names, running
holes down the middle, And he stuck it together with Chad-berry spittle.
And he said, "They'll need Einstein to figure this riddle!"
THEN He loaded his boxes, and without looking nervous Put a sign on his van
that said "Voter News Service." THEN The Grinch pulled away in his van with
a screech Toward the pads of the Chads in a place called "Palm Beach."
When he came to the first polling place in the square, All the lines were
quite long. Thoughtful talk filled the air, As the Chads chatted merits of
managed health care. "Vote early and often," the Grinch said with a grin.
And he marched to the front of the line and stepped in.
There he left all his ballots, the strange ones with punches, And
instructions that said, "Please punch punches in bunches." As he slunk out
the door toward the nearest Grand Hyatt, He could hear what you'd think was
an Eli=E1n riot. The Cohen sisters Esther, Mitzi, and Shannon, Just realized
that their votes had all gone to Buchanan!
At a place in Dade County near a middle-school yard, The Grinch donned a
shirt that said, "Polling Place Guard." And he eyeballed each Chad and
said, "Where is your card? "Voter card? Motor card? Credit card? Diner's?
"Face
card? Race card? Baseball card? Shriners?" And he turned them away. Then
the Grinch, like a fox, Stuffed all of his ballots and locked the lockbox!
Then old Grinch returned home to go "LIVE" on TV. He had waited quite late:
(It was now eight oh three.) So the Grinch Network News first projected a
score: "Now with one percent in, we pick Chad-ville for GORE." Every
Gore-ite in Chad-ville said, "GIVE US SOME MORE!"
So he pulled more projections straight out of his stack. Then, "Oh, dear!"
said the Grinch, "I must take it all back!" So the Grinch Network News, in
grand fairness to all Now reported that Chad-ville was "TOO CLOSE TO CALL."
Don't be mad, all you Chads, for this isn't a scandal, "It was just," the
Grinch said, "we forgot the Panhandle. "The science of sampling can leave
one out-simpled." So the Chads were left hanging and pregnant and dimpled.
And the stress of it all put George Bush among the pimpled!
Then the Grinch raised a finger for the night's final push. "Election Day's
done, and the winner is BUSH." After all, George was leading at least by a
dozen. (And whenever it's close, always go with your cousin.) "Play the
music, the songs, pop the corks, sing the praises, " 'Cause with Bush as
the winner, you're all getting raises!" And then the Grinch yawned, "This
election stuff's hokey, Good-bye 'till next year! And now back to you,
Cokie."
And the Grinch, he went back to his old Grinchy pad. But en route, he was
nabbed by a little Chad lad Who had stayed up all night (quite ignoring his
dad). He stared at the Grinch and said, "Sir, who's our leader? "Is it
Bush? Is it Gore? Or, my choice, Derek Jeter?" And the Grinch simply smiled:
This
day couldn't be sweeter.
They were finding out now that no outcome was coming! They were seeing it
now, all their dumbness and dumbing. "They're just waking up!" he said.
"Here's what they'll do! "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two "And
the Chads down in Chad-ville will all cry, 'WE'LL SUE!' "
As he stared down at Chad-ville, the Grinch popped his eyes, But the scene
that he saw brought a shocking surprise. All the Chads down in Chad-ville,
Chad lads and Chad dads, They were counting the votes, they were counting
the chads! He hadn't stopped an outcome from coming. IT CAME! SOMEHOW OR
ANOTHER, IT CAME JUST THE SAME!
As the Grinch with his head buried deep in the sand Sat puzzling and
puzzling, "They will count them by hand?" Yes, it came with the lawsuits,
it came with the lawyers, It came with Tim Russert, it came with Bill
Moyers.
When the ballots were plucked and the counting was done The last margin of
victory turned out to be ... ONE! And if the Grinch had just voted, ....
HIS GUY WOULD HAVE WON!
And what happened then ... Well ... In Chad-ville they say That the
Grinch's small district Grew three sizes that day.
'Cause the minute his mood had come out of its slump, The Grinch said,
"Hmm! I could be running this dump!" So he formed a committee to do all the
work
And he ... HE HIMSELF! The Grinch ran for town clerk!
....here goes!!!
thanks I enjoyed that.