posted on March 12, 2001 04:45:54 PM
I'm getting tired of looking at the same threads for three days. So here's something fun.
I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN
I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts until 8 PM.
I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, antacid...
I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
I'm so cared for: long term care, eye care, private care, dental care...
I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians...
I'm positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like...
I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.
I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies...
I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory.
I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.
I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors...absolutely nothing!
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.
I'm in the initial stage of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA'S, AARP.
I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?
I'm supporting all movements now.... by eating bran, prunes, and raisins.
I'm a walking storeroom of facts.....I've just lost the storeroom.
I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life - I just can't remember!!!!
posted on March 13, 2001 05:15:25 AM
LOL @ your list, Muriel. I can especially identify with "I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies..."
I also wanted to share that I get a kick out of you and xardon when you're 'playing' with one another on these threads, and always enjoy Barry's sense of humor too. You guys add much enjoyment to the RT, IMO.
posted on March 13, 2001 08:24:51 AM
Thank you Muriel, Getting old is not for sissies is my motto...course you have to
admit that your social life can have new
meaning...like:
A date with Arthur Ritis,meeting Ben Gay for a massage, there are more but I
am old and I forget!!
* * * * *
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the
operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?"
God said "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in
the hospital and have a facelift,liposuction,
and tummy tuck. She even had someone come and
change the color of her hair. Since she had
so much time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance.Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40+ years? Why didn't you pull me from the path of the ambulance?"
God replied.............
"I didn't recognize you.
Somewhere in here there must be a moral:
Sometimes its the trip not the destination
posted on March 14, 2001 08:35:05 AMMuriel in the spirit of keeping something fun to read going I will add another item...let's see if others will come up with new things.
Warning
When I am an old lady I shall wear
purple
With a red hat, which doesn't go and
doesn't suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on
brandy and summer gloves,
and satin sandals, and say we have no
money for butter.
And gobble up samples in shops and
press alarm bells.
And run my stick along the public
railings
And make up for the sobriety of my
youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain
And pick the flowers in other people's
gardens
And learn to spit
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
But maybe I ought to practice a little
now
So people who know me are not too
shocked and surprised
When suddenly I am old and start to
wear purple.
(author unknown)
Mid-life is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This
gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
Mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.
Mid-life is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's
more like splat!
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too"!
Mid-life is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film.
Mid-life brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
Mid-life can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"
Mid-life is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.
The good news about mid-life is that the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.
You know you've crossed the mid-life threshold when you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.
Mid-life is when your 1970's Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).
Mid-life is when you start to repeat yourself and your chins follow suit.
You become more reflective in mid-life. You start pondering the "big" questions: what is life, why am I here and how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
posted on March 15, 2001 08:59:48 AMMuriel Yeaaaa can I have a ride huh, can I, can I....do you have a RED HAT??
Margot ROFLMAO..oh you ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everything is farther away now
than it used to be. It's twice as far to
the corner and they have added a
hill, I've noticed. I've given up running
for the bus. It leaves faster than it
used to leave.
"It seem to me they are making the
stairs steeper than in the old days,
and have you noticed the smaller
print in newspapers? There is no
sense in asking anyone to read aloud.
Everyone speaks in such low tones I
can hardly hear them. The material in
dresses is skimpy now, too, especially
around the waist and hips. Makes it all but
impossible to reach down to put on shoes.
"Even people are changing. They are so much
younger now than they used to be when I was
their age. On the other hand, people my own
age are so much older looking than I am.
I ran into an old classmate the other day, and
she had aged so much she didn't recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor thing while I
was combing my hair this morning. In doing so
I glanced at my own reflection. Confound it.
They don't even make good mirrors like they
used to anymore.
"Lamentations" (20th century version) form the Senior Sentinel
posted on March 15, 2001 12:49:32 PM
A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, Where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly didn't invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there and the next day she was. She's very clever. She manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her there: and when I look into a mirror directly to check my appearance, suddenly she's hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. It's very disconcerting. I've tried screaming at her to leave but she just screams back grimacing horribly. She's really rather frightening. If she's going to hang around, the least she could do is offer to pay rent. But no. Every once in a while I do find a couple dollar bills on the
kitchen counter, or some loose change on my bureau or on the floor, but that certainly isn't enough. In fact, though I don't want to jump to conclusions, I think she steals money from me regulariy. Any time I go to the bank and withdraw a hundred dollars, in a few days, it is gone. I certainly don't go through it fast, so I can only conclude that the old lady pilfers it.
You'd think she'd spend some of it on wrinkle cream. God knows she needs it. And, the money isn't the only thing she's taking. Food seems to be disappearing at an alarming rate. Especially the good stuff-Ice cream,
cookies, candy. I just can't keep them in the house. She really has a sweet tooth. She should watch it. She is really putting on the pounds. I think she realizes that, and to make herself feel better I know she is tampering with my scale so I'll think I am gaining weight too.
[ edited by margot on Mar 15, 2001 12:51 PM ]
[ edited by margot on Mar 15, 2001 12:53 PM ]
posted on March 17, 2001 06:20:38 AMMargot I think that same woman spends time at my house too! This has got to stop!!I've replaced a couple of mirrors with paintings....trying to keep her in her place.
posted on March 17, 2001 11:58:29 AM
I showed a picture of my 75 year old mother to a friend at work, and she exclaimed "Oh my God!". I said "What?". She said "I guess we know what you're going to look like when you get old!". Very funny. I already look like my mom did at my age.
posted on March 18, 2001 09:04:09 PM
FYI, the WARNING poem (When I am an old lady I shall wear purple, with a red hat...)
is by English poet Jenny Joseph. She has at least one book out of like poems which is enjoyable and comforting to those like me who already have the red hat and are waiting for just the right moment to begin spitting.
posted on March 24, 2001 08:49:19 AM
oh, Grannyfox.... who is the author? that is so cute! Did you write it?
And I adore "Warning", I have it framed on my wall, it has two more stanzas.
It is also in book titled "When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple" edited by Sandra Martz a collection of writings and poetry on aging.
[ edited by immykidsmom on Mar 24, 2001 08:58 AM ]
LOLThat is a mental image I could do without, but verrrry funny!!
I already look like my mom did at my age.