posted on March 15, 2001 09:21:13 PM
RULES FOR BEING A GOOD REPUBLICAN:
1. You have to believe that the nation's current 8-year prosperity was
due to the work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but yesterday's
gas prices are Bill Clinton's fault.
2. You have to despise government programs, but expect Social
Security checks on time.
3. You have to believe that government should stay out of peoples'
lives, yet you want government to regulate same-sex marriages,
ending or not ending pregnancies, and what official language should
be spoken by you.
4. You have to believe that pollution is okay, and it's even better if
it's in another state.
5. You have to sponsor prayer in public schools, as long as you
don't pray to Allah or Buddha.
6. You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
7. You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions
about her own body, but that large multinational corporations should
have no regulations or interference.
8. You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and you're certain that Jesus
shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, labor unions, and
Hillary Clinton.
9. You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black
in America doesn't diminish your opportunities, but you still won't vote
for Allan Keyes.
10. You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend
$50 million to attack Clinton because no other US Presidents have
ever been unfaithful to their wives.
11. You have to declare that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun
is bad because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern
for all Americans, even children and felons.
12. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools
because of course, if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have
sex.
13. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because it defends the
Constitution, while the NRA is good because it defends the Constitution.
14. You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve
federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the
public doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore
it, it will go away.
15. You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals
of 6th graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the
Bible, which is full of sex and violence, is good reading at any age.
16. You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed
more Americans than handguns, alcohol, and tobacco.
17. You have to believe that even though governments have supported the
arts for 5,000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art
were paid for by governments, our government should shun any such
support.
18. You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old
growth US forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the
extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.
19. You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt
Gingrich, Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities,
but that bastard Bill Clinton should never be forgiven.
20. You have to believe that George W. Bush REALLY won this election.
posted on March 15, 2001 11:31:19 PM
Here's some add-ons that I can think of:
Addition to #19: George W. Bush, Sr. and Ronald Reagan (that he never raped actress Selene Walters in the early '50's.)
21. You have to believe that making the Top 1% of Americans Richer by cutting benefits for the Bottom 40% is going to make America a better place to live-in.
22. You have to believe that trickle-Down Economics, dubbed Voodoo-Economics, actually works: that by making the Rich richer, it'll create more jobs (actually it does, but none of them are in America.)
23. You have to believe that Labor Unions are the wrong answer. Instead, quit your job to hurt the bastards! That'll learn'm!
24. You have to support your President, no matter how badly he blunders or shows that he's human - unless it's Clinton.
25. You have to believe that proofs of overwealming KKK and Aryan Nations influence and their politicians in the government is a personal attack on Republican voters.
26. You have to believe that Nixon did no wrong, that Ronald Reagan never really admitted that he lied under oath to a congressional investigation (a federal felony), and that George Bush Sr. never caused the most heineous abuse of Presidential Power. Nope -- not once!
27. You must fight for the interests of multi-national corporations and their abuses since it never seem to affect anyone . . .
28. You have to beleive that when Your President lies: it's "just" a campaign promise broken.
29. You have to believe all of the campaign promises of your party's candidates, including that Cigarettes are as harmless as drinking a glass of Milk (Bob Dole, 1996)
That's all I can think of for the moment. Thankx for posting the others.
++edited for spelling++
[ edited by Borillar on Mar 15, 2001 11:38 PM ]
posted on March 16, 2001 02:09:12 AM
Rules for Democrats:
#1 No matter what those scum sucking Clinton's do they are still the greatest thing that ever happened to the US.
#2 Hand out the cash, until the government is broke, on Welfare, Food Stamps and other "social aid" programs.
#3 Show your children, by your example, that their is nothing wrong with premarital sex, adultery, and abortion (murder).
#4 It is okay for Federal funds to pay for "art" exhibits that feature human waste.
#5 It is our duty to take care of the worthless masses that will not hold a job and take care of themselves for the rest of their lives.
#6 It is fine to murder an unborn child, after all, us women must have that CHOICE, but we should protest, and wail and weep about that Godless child killer/murderer/rapist/ who is a few days from his execution date.
#7 We must believe that even though the recession started while Clinton was still in office that it is all Bush's fault.
#8 You believe that even though the Bible states that homosexualality is an abomination that we should allow them to get married and have children.
#9 You know of the 10 commandments, but yet, you feel that surely it does not mean that it applies to you.
#10 You believe that we should fork out the funds for AIDS research and make it our top priority even though there is 20 other diseases that have a much higher death rate.
Too tired to think of more right now, but that pretty well sums up you Democrats doesn't it?
I shudder about the people who don't shudder at all.
posted on March 16, 2001 03:20:09 AM
30. You have to believe that it's not ok for your tax dollars to be spent supporting art, but it's ok for my tax dollars to support vouchers so that you can send your kids to religious schools.
31. You have to believe GeeDub has a brain.
32. You have to believe global warming is a rumor, because "we had hotter summers."
33. You have to be absolutely sure that when the bible says, "a man should not lie with another man as if a woman," that it refers to homosexuality in general rather than being a health admonishment about anal sex. (It is with a lot of other rules that pertain to health, you know.)
[ edited by sadie999 on Mar 16, 2001 03:23 AM ]
posted on March 16, 2001 08:44:59 AM
For Republicans:
You have to believe it is necessary to stick your noses into other peoples' bedrooms, and judge the appropriateness of their actions, based on your beliefs.
For Democrats:
You have to believe it is necessary to stick your hands into other peoples' pockets, and spend their money, based on your beliefs.
posted on March 16, 2001 10:20:08 AM
For Republicans:
#34 a. While campaigning to get government out your private business, you must ensure the government is into the people you dislike's private business ie gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, wicca, non-white -well anyone who isn't "like" you. Or even anyone getting more than you.
[ edited by bobbysoxer on Mar 16, 2001 10:21 AM ]
[ edited by bobbysoxer on Mar 16, 2001 10:23 AM ]
posted on March 16, 2001 05:36:35 PMsnowydays: I wish that you had posted that list in a new thread: I'd like to make an answer to quite a few of them, but do not wish to throw off this anti-republican thread. Could you be so kind as to start a new thread with it??
All I'm saying is that one has to be "absolutely certain" that's what it meant. It's with the stuff about men and animals, and the stuff about separation of foods also, so yes, it could be about health.
My personal belief is that the bible that most of us have access to has been so corrupted through the ages for various agendas, that no matter what the original intent of its authors, that intent is long gone.
#8 from the original poster: You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and you're certain that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, labor unions, and Hillary Clinton.
