posted on April 24, 2001 07:36:17 AM new
This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee who obviously has a sense of humor.
The company, of course, does not have a sense of humor, & made the web department take it down immediately. The IMPORTANT note at the bottom is well worth the read.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below.
Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. Title:
[_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Dr.
[_] Sgt.
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name: .......................................... Middle
Initial:
........ Last Name.............................................
Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)
Code Name:............................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ......................
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): .... /..../....
4. Serial Number:.....................................
5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Direct Mail
[_] Telemarketer
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] South / Central America
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
[_] Home Theater System
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate
all that apply)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Religious Fanatic
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you & your spouse enjoy participating
on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Gardening
[_] Oppressing minorities
[_] Gourmet cooking
[_] Oppressing majorities
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Auto Racing
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Kinky sex
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings & special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups &
mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be
registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORP.,
Marketing Department Military,
Aerospace Division.
***********************************************************************
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above & may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use & may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this e-mail, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.
However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself & your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you & your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg & egg whites, whisk & place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
