zilvy
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posted on April 26, 2001 03:33:39 PM new
With the weekend drawing near, here is a timely warning regarding the
consumption of an excess of beer. Have any of these symptons happened to you?
********* WARNING: ********
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell appened to your bra.
(and worse where in the ell is the "H" in happened)
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
[ edited by zilvy on Apr 26, 2001 03:35 PM ]
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zoomin
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posted on April 26, 2001 03:36:19 PM new
Have any of these symptons happened to you?
Today???
only ZOOMIN here 
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Kazanne
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posted on April 26, 2001 03:37:39 PM new
OMG Zilvy You've just summed up my whole life. LOL 
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zilvy
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posted on April 26, 2001 03:40:12 PM new
I myself wondered about those inexplicable rug burns on my forehead and why was "He" wearing my BRA??
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HJW
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posted on April 26, 2001 04:45:55 PM new
zilvy, thats hilarious!
I only remember getting on and getting off. (the boat)
I remember getting on the boat....
Somebody gave me a BiG drink.
Then, I remember getting off the boat...
And somebody was telling me that I was the life of the party!!!
But I don't remember the cruise...not a minute of it!
That was my last drink of alcohol.
Helen
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gravid
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posted on April 26, 2001 06:19:51 PM new
I have this built in protection.
On my second beer the end of my nose starts to get numb.
On my third beer I go to sleep.
It is hard to drink a fourth beer sleeping.
However drinking whisky I don't go to sleep.
I just get slower and slower until people want to check for a pulse to see I am still there. The odd thing is that I can still ( in slow motion ) run a table of pool after having 10 to 12 shots of whisky. Which usually results in my waking up the next morning with a headache and a lot of paper money stuffed in my pockets.
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HJW
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posted on April 26, 2001 06:37:47 PM new
gravid,
That's interesting...your skill with pool while under the influence.
I've known artists who could paint absolute masterpieces while drunk
but nothing sober.
Some great writers also are notorious drunks. I guess it relaxes your inhibitions?
Helen
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Kazanne
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posted on April 27, 2001 04:07:26 AM new
Ummmmm. Gravid I think you've got all my money!!!
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gravid
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posted on April 27, 2001 06:55:16 AM new
We had a fellow who worked in a shop with me who would smoke pot all night long. The crazy thing was that he could make great parts on the milling machine all the time - no scrap. Anyone will tell you it is pretty dangerous to run machine tools while altering your mind with anything, but he got away with it.
The truth is I very seldom drink much but I have had people keep buying me drinks hoping to get their money back and it just does not work. But it is not worth the headache the next day. The people I have played with will go twenties but if you lay a hundred down they flee in panic. Not high rollers.
My Step Mother was a golf hustler. Built like a little fire plug. My Dad told me one time they went out with a couple young guys and she teed up first hole with them at the men's tee. There was a gator on the green to one side of the hole and my Step Mom said watch me nip that gator boys and drove a shot about 6 inches short of the gator that bounced off his side and rolled back a little for an easy putt. One guy looked at the other and said "We are in trouble man."
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ktsclutter
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posted on April 27, 2001 08:44:44 AM new
Gravid, I couldn't hit the broad side of a pool table if I were shooting at a bowling ball, until I get that "aiming fluid" in me. Won a huge tournament that way. Alas, no more booze, no more pool. Stomach can't handle the fluid anymore.
[ edited by ktsclutter on Apr 27, 2001 08:45 AM ]
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gravid
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posted on April 27, 2001 10:40:47 AM new
That's OK I'd give up booze before the morning paper and I don't believe half of what it says anyway.
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Borillar
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posted on April 27, 2001 10:18:45 PM new
"The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning."
Christ, there oughtta be a LAW against that one!
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MouseSlayer
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posted on April 27, 2001 10:33:53 PM new
No kidding Borillar! (been there, done that-or I should say have had it happen to me  )
Although I will say I am guilty of this one: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. And/or get really huggy!
~^~  Hippy wannabe  ~^~
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ubiedaman
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posted on April 27, 2001 10:39:27 PM new
Gravid..
Back in "the day" when i was still "smokin", Pool was a DREAM...I can totally relate!!
When the buzz was "just right" ALL the shots became "tunnel vision"...including the banks!! Mucho dinero was transfered from a drunk bastard to a stoned MF...LOL
Keith
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except
the ones that are someone else's fault.
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nycrocker
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posted on April 28, 2001 12:02:43 AM new
Zilvy  You just summed up why I've been in AA the past 15 years. LOL!
Rocker 
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