Lately it seems that everyone I know is married and miserable, and TELLING ME ABOUT IT. I just married my high school sweetheart three years ago, and we are happy as clams. But the rest of our friends have been married for 20, 25, or 30 years and have just about had enough of each other. I have two friends at work that do nothing but b**ch all day long about their husbands (who, incidentally, ARE lazy slugs) and another friend who calls me and e-mails me all the time about being miserable. I personally made the sacrifice of getting divorced as soon as I realized I was miserable, and I struggled for years as a single mom to get where I am today - which is happy! So quite frankly, I'm getting tired of all these whiners going on and on, day in and day out, about how unhappy they are, but not having enough intestinal fortitude to do something about it. What would you do? I'm about to scream!! (P.S. I have done my share of "good friend listening", so don't tell me I'm a lousy friend. I've just heard enough!)
posted on May 3, 2001 03:20:43 PM
Is that a Valiant in your gif? Cool! My grandfather bought one brand new off the lot, way back when
Oh Divorce..... well go ahead and tell them, to leave these guys or don't #*!@ anymore
I know, seems like some of my friends are doing the same thing, one freind that used to go on and on about her husband, I finally said, Leave him then! she never said anything more about him, but she is still with him, go figure...
posted on May 3, 2001 03:24:49 PM
Did you ever notice how some women just love to play the martyr? They resent this, they dislike that, they complain about one thing or the other. But, when you offer a good solution they become deaf...it would defeat the purpose of their rant if they took positive action.
If this happens during your lunch time I think I would say, Please I am trying to eat and I can't handle the pressure....get a divorce! But, then thats me today in the heat of 95 plus degrees and steaming humitidity. {{{hugs Muriel}}}
posted on May 3, 2001 03:30:11 PM
Dear Sweltering Zil:
Thanks for the hugs. Hope things cool down tonight.
You're so right. I offer positive advice to them up the wazoo, but that's not what they want. Last night, my one friend tried to shoot down every idea I had, even to the point of saying "I can't leave because we have two new puppies and they need me!".
posted on May 3, 2001 04:08:25 PM
I have given up on giving advice or sympathy, to friends or family members who whinge and whine about there husbands or partners. One of my sisters' has finally left her scumbag husband after 15 years of marrage and something like 23 years together. They used to fight like you have never seen before, and you hated having to invite them to any family get together because it always ended with them screaming at each other. Anyway she finally left, not before time, but the stupid woman told him her new address and what did he do, he went and bashed her. I asked her if she had him charged, but no she is too afraid to do that. Well of course I had a thing or two to say about that little gem, and now I am the worst in the world.
Tell me who is the stupid one, me for wanting her to be safe and happy, or her for sporting a new bruise ever couple of days.
I have another friend that lives with constant fear, she never knows when her husband is going to go off the deep end and bash her, again she will not leave or report him. I can not understand this attitude, if he was my husband I would have put a knife in him years ago. Why do women stay in abusive or just plain bad relationships, I think in cases like this, DIVORCE is the only answer. Oh maybe a bit of jail time thrown in for the offending husband.
posted on May 3, 2001 04:18:14 PM
When you work with people, and you have to maintain a good working relationship, it's hard to just ignore them without pissing them off. (Can I say "piss" here?) How do you draw the line without messing up the rest of the relationship that is good? I would like to tell both of them to pound sand (can I say "pound sand" here?) but these are people I see every day, and people I need to be on good terms with in order to do my job.
posted on May 3, 2001 04:20:02 PM
I am officially ~*~*free*~*~ tomorrow...
To say I'm thrilled would be an understatement.
I know lot's of couples, who stick it out for the "good of the children." Hello? It does the kids no "good" to have to live with two miserable parents. I think a lot of women are also too scared...I know I was for a long time. I finally had to ask myself, "Is it worse to be scared or miserable?"
posted on May 3, 2001 04:24:22 PM
I feel so sorry for you Muriel, I put up with having to be the big sister and listen to my sister for months, and now I have freedom...... She is someone else's problem (I know that sounds awful), she has moved interstate. YIPEE!!!!!!!!! I don't have to hear every single day how bad her life is.
So I hear ya Muriel and am sending a few hugs along to say I understand. {{{{Muriel}}}}
I have to add that I really did try to help her, but she would not accept that she needed help, so you can not help someone who will not help themselves.
posted on May 3, 2001 07:01:44 PM
Hi Muriel, I just heard that you are the person to talk to.....you see, my husband and I hate each other and...................
posted on May 3, 2001 09:49:25 PM
A dear friend is going thru a divorce. He was mentally abusive - not a good situation for her. Here is how life changed for them since they split:
He moves in with mistress - she raises toddler alone.
He gains 100+ pounds - she slims to a very sexy figure.
His mistress is a psycho - the toddler is adorable & lovable.
She has well built good looking guys with excellent jobs calling her - his mistress now wears fat hiding clothes and they fight alot!
She, who was always miserable - now laughs and has a good time. He, who was always happy - is now miserable.
He wants her back - yeah, right!
Oh, did I mention he was a 10 minute wonder?
Congratulations and just wait until you encounter a real man!
posted on May 3, 2001 10:47:19 PM
And some people actually thrive on that sort of situation. If they didn't have hubby to gripe about, it would be something else.
Avoid negative people-or at least learn to tune them out. Just say 'uh-huh!' every so often and they'll never notice-they're too busy talking.
posted on May 3, 2001 10:52:56 PM
Years ago I took a look around. So many family & friends went through the same cycle. They were happy. They got married. They became very unhappy. They got divorced. They were happy again. I made the decision to cut out the middle parts and just stay happy. It has been a successful strategem!
posted on May 4, 2001 12:21:20 AM
I have a friend-slash-coworker doing the same to me. Always blah-blah-blah he did this, or blah-blah-blah he hurt me when he said this...He was never physically abusive, just not emotionally there for her.
When he asked her for a divorce she cried for days. I could not believe the venim that flowed so easily from her mouth about him but once he asked for a divorce she wanted him back. When she did go back to him (said she liked being married)I told her I did not want to hear another word about her husband this, or husband that, any longer.
I can see the hurt in her eyes and hear the shake in her voice on her bad days but I can not take another deep discussion about how terrible this man is to her and her children. I learned to hate the man and I had only met him a few times. When she decided to go back to him I lost all respect for her. She had the opportunity to leave him and she chose to stay. Now she has to learn how to cope in the marriage. And this is something she has to do on her own...
posted on May 4, 2001 04:07:32 AM
I can not understand why people put up with crap for years I would not take for a week.
My first wife was deeply unhappy that I did not party and do pot. We went together long enough that this was not some surprise after we married. She found herself some dude that grew and sold the stuff and moved out when I was in the hospital. Never thought about getting back together. Too late.
Almost all these complainers don't want to DO anything - they just find some strange partial release in telling how unhappy they are. I don't understand it - That would provide no help at all to me - it would just be embarrassing.
I think it's tacky when people complain about their spouses in a gossipy way. It makes them look fairly brain-dead. (This doesn't apply to people who are honestly looking for a way out.)
I think I'd try sarcasm. When one of the complainers starts in, you might reply with, "Gosh, second husbands are great! He brings me flowers, and makes me laugh like we were kids." If it continues, "He let me sleep in on Saturday and cleaned the whole house, even though it was my turn!" Keep bragging your hubby up until they get sick to death of hearing it. Innocently ask, "After all these years, do you still have sex every night?"
If this doesn't work, I think I'd just eat with someone else, or start going for walks at lunch.
posted on May 4, 2001 07:18:33 AM
I can relate to this one Muriel I have a friend that seems to love to whine about her husband. He's not abusive but she finds him disgusting...
After listening to her constant whining for the umpteenth time I finally snapped one day and said something similar to - Look, I'm sorry you're so miserable but we've had this same conversation for months now and I'm obviously of no help to you because nothing has changed. If you really want things to change you need to be talking to him or to a counselor...
She seemed shocked. I don't think she had realized that we had in fact been having the same conversation for months. She still goes on a tangent from time to time but it's at least slowed down quite a bit.
posted on May 4, 2001 06:40:20 PM
I work in a factory full of women.There are plenty of whinners!!!!!With the cronic ones I've learned to say "oh really" and change the subject.I don't want to hear the same blah blah blah.I don't want to sound unsympathetic but the ones that have real problems tend to not talk about it at all.
