posted on October 9, 2005 07:27:58 AM new
Today we have a Blonde Joke.
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final
plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other
birds? Is it A) the condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or (D) the vulture?"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. The woman hoped she would not have to use it because .. her friend was, well ... a blonde.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one hat her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would seem to be the logical thing to do.
On the other hand - the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded. "I need an answer," said Regis.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Regis.
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Two minutes later, Regis said, "That answer is .... absolutely correct!!
You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant.
"How did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde. "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
Remember, "Reverend Colin Loves You, Even if you are an AzzHole"
posted on October 9, 2005 07:30:58 AM new
I have a stupid question-is a drugstore blonde a 'DUMB BLONDE' when she is actually a brunette??
even MM is not blonde!!
-sig file -------
Eat grass,kick ass,never go belly up!
posted on October 10, 2005 04:07:35 PM new
This is scary.If you have a bad heart or loose bowels, you may not want to watch. I leave it up to you. Enter at your own risk.
This is a car advertisement from Great Britain. When they finished filming the ad, the film editor noticed something moving along the side of the car, like a ghostly white mist. They found out that a person had been killed a year earlier in that exact same spot. The ad was never put on TV because of the unexplained ghostly phenomenon. Watch the front end of the car as it clears the trees in the middle of the screen and you'll see the white mist crossing in front of the car then following it along the road. The background music plays along with it too......Spooky!
Is it a ghost, or is it simply mist? You decide.
If you listen to the ad, you'll even hear the camera man whispering in the background about it near the end of the commercial.
posted on October 10, 2005 04:38:59 PM new
How do you make a post
so that everyone that
looks at the thread
has to scroll back and forth
just to read it?
posted on October 17, 2005 07:42:38 AM new
The Navy found they had too many officers and decided
to offer an early retirement bonus.
They promised any officer who volunteered for
retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a
straight
line
between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose
what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured
from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured
at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and
asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands
to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a non officer grizzly old Chief who, when
asked where he would like to be measured replied,
"from the tip of my weenie to my testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he might
want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the
previous two officers had received. But the old Chief
insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the
measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief
to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the
tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to
work back.
"My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied . . "Vietnam".
posted on October 21, 2005 08:41:29 PM new
A popular Fayetteville, Arkansas Barber shop had a new robotic barber
installed.
A fellow came in for a haircut. As the robot began to cut his hair it
asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "130." So the robot
proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, investments,
insurance, and so on. The man listened intently and said, "This is
really cool."
Later, another gent came in for a haircut and the robot asked him as it
began the haircut, "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "100." So the
robot started talking about football, baseball, and so on. The man
thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool."
Later on, a third guy came in to the barbershop. As with the others,
the robot barber asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "60."
The robot then said, "So, I understand you Democrats are really excited
about Hillary running for president?"
posted on October 23, 2005 07:31:32 AM new
Someone has to keep the people up to date...While you were on Sabbatical.
Amen,
Reverend Colin http://www.reverendcolin.com
posted on October 23, 2005 05:07:22 PM new
A 100 year old man and a 100 year old woman
filed for a divorce and when the time came
to go to divorce court, the judge commented
on them being high school sweethearts and
that they married right after graduating
high school. The judge then asked them why,
after 82 years of seemingly blissful
marriage, did they want to divorce? The 100
year old man replied; We just wanted to wait
until all the children died.
posted on October 23, 2005 05:12:50 PM new
lol pi!
old one: A duck walks into a pharmacy and says: I'd like some chapstick please. And the clerk says, will that be
"cash or charge?"...and the duck says, "just put it on my bill"....
posted on October 23, 2005 06:05:24 PM new
The Lord knows the Reverend trys to be fair to all races, creeds and sexes,,,so here.
Blonde men story
Two blonde men were in the woods hunting. One looked at the other and
said, "I've got to poop."
The other said, "Well go behind one of those big trees, and poop."
The first one said, "But I don't have any paper to wipe my butt."
The other blonde replied, "You have a dollar, don't you?"
The first one said, "Yeah, I've got a dollar. That's a great idea--I'll
use that!" He left and came back with poop all over his hands and
clothes. His friend looked at him and asked, "What in the hell happened
to you?"
The first one replied, "Have you ever tried to wipe your butt with 3
quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel?"
posted on October 24, 2005 12:29:30 PM new
DWARFS IN ROME
Seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are THE seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey Leads the pack. "Dopey, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?" Dopey asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?" The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome." In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?" The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe." This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them, with an angry glare. Dopey turns back and says, "Mr. Pope are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting, "Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!"
posted on October 24, 2005 12:41:37 PM new
Day after day at the office, a new male co-worker walks up very close to a woman standing at the coffee machine inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a couple of weeks of this, she can't stand it any more and takes her complaint to the Human Resources Supervisor. She explains the situation and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against the co-worker.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a man telling you your hair smells nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
____________________
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." -- George W. Bush
posted on October 27, 2005 06:10:33 AM new
A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank
you Mr. American for letting me in this country, and giving me housing, food
stamps, free medical care and free education!" But the passer-by says "You
are mistaken, I am Mexican".
The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having
such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says "I no American, I
Vietnamese."
The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops,
shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts
up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not an American!"
He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an American?" She
says, "No, I am from Russia!" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all
the Americans?" The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says........
"Probably at work!"
posted on October 28, 2005 07:30:25 AM new
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."
posted on October 28, 2005 08:46:39 AM new
A woman from the Oregon/Washington area, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.
In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down."
posted on November 1, 2005 10:13:38 AM new
AN EXERCISE FOR SENIORS
(for those of us reaching the mature stage of life)
As you know one's strength weakens when you start being on the wrong side of 50.
I just came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle
strength in the arms, shoulders and upper body. It seems so easy, I thought I'd pass it on.
The article suggested doing it three days a week. Just don't over-do it.
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of
room at each side. With a 5-LB. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.
Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit
longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-LB. potato sacks. Then 50-LB.
potato sacks, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-LB. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the
sacks.
posted on November 4, 2005 10:31:58 AM new
What are you???????
Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican ?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:
BANG!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Southern Republican's Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! click.....(sounds of reloading).
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"
posted on November 4, 2005 10:37:16 AM new
EXCELLENT!!! And oh so true too.
------
The liberals will talk and talk and talk and talk and talk...on and on....while the conservatives 'take immediate action'. Then the liberals start with their whining and complaining...taking any of the four sides they were 'talking' about...as long as it's one that opposes whatever the conservatives did.
Just the game of politics....and why I love it so much.
"Whenever the nation is under attack, from within or without, liberals side with the enemy. This is their essence." --Ann Coulter
And why the American Voters chose to RE-elect President Bush to four more years. YES!!!
