posted on January 15, 2001 07:41:28 AM new
LORI, been there done that, from a child and divorce when I was 18 to a wonderful man who has given me 3 more wonderful children. Counting your blessings is #1 on my list. When I think there is no way out, I count my blessings, because remember no matter how dark your life looks, there is someone out there who has a darker outlook on their life. Not only have you suffered with all the downfalls in your life, but so has your little boy. I have never experienced depression until I had my last child, wow, what a eye opener, thought my world was just crashing down on me. But my doctor is a wonderful guy, and after 8 months of treatment I feel alot better. Just wish my 1 yr old would sleep all night!! haha Anyways I would like to know how old your little boy is and what size he wears. With 2 boys in my home I just wonder if there is anything I could send him, kids like getting things in the mail addressed to them, what does he like to play with, probably loves the hotwheels and matchbox cars if he is old enough. Please let me know, I really want to make his day also. I think your has been made by all the good advice these wonderful people have given out here, and just maybe you and them are helping others who can't bring themselves to put there problems out there. I have tears in my eyes just reading all the encouraging information these people have sent to you. Remember the big guy is looking out for us all. God Speed. Fluffy
posted on January 15, 2001 07:57:11 AM new
cmbtboots
I'm going to take a wild guess here and say you were probably depressed long before your boss got arrested...right? It sounds like you were trying to stay home with your son (kudos to you) and were doing whatever you could to make that happen. But there were other problems as well (like the tax problem)that were bound to need your attention long before the arrest.
So, if you can seperate all the problems/issues you'll find that it will be a little less overwhelming to deal with.
You have lost the money that was coming in to pay for your bills...if you're already behind on your bills this means you've not known what to do and waited until it all got really bad...I'm not trying to be cruel but sometimes people in bad situations also need to hear the truth. If you don't know what to do, learn to ask for help, from many of the places mentioned here. Those people/places can help with some of your issues, but remember that each thing you do can help one issue but can't help all of them.
You will have to face the consequences of anything you've done. But the system will assist you to make sure your son gets what he needs...they really will. You will probably have to start working full time, and that's a bite if your son is young, but that is probably the way it will be for a while. Consider working a different shift for more pay, plus you'll be home with your son during the day...not much sleep but you've already been working with stressful conditions to provide for your son so you're sure to adjust easily to some positive changes if you know you're safe a secure and actively participating in improving your life situation.
Make sure you are honest with yourself in each decision you make. Increase your support system of people. You can get through this (not around it) but it won't be easy. Have faith in yourself. All is not hopeless, you are valuable and worthy, you are not alone...ask for help until you get it.
posted on January 15, 2001 08:27:57 AM new
I'm sure in your situation it feels like you're the only one who's ever gone through something like this, but I'd wager that almost everyone reading this post has either gone through something similar or knows someone who has. As for advice from someone who's "been there done that" when an ex-husband left me with 3 small children, a part-time job and afraid to answer the telephone because of the bill collectors--here's a couple of things that helped me. (1) I wrote every day in a notebook the best thing that happened to me that day--whether it was the fact that the bill collector DIDN'T call, or one of the kids said something cute. It was helpful to go back and read it when the days were dark and I felt like my life had been in the pits forever. (2) I'm sure when someone mentions "Dr. appointment..." you're gasping and thinking you can't even pay for the gas to get there, let alone the fee he's going to charge! Remember, almost every community now has a free clinic, and they can get you started in the right direction. IT IS NOT A HANDOUT IF YOU NEED THE HELP. (3) A family who loves you is there to help. As a good friend once told me, "Sometime you've just got to suck off your parents." And something that's always personally helped me when tragedy strikes--remember the difference three days can make. Christ died on a Friday--(and after that experience, the disciples probably laid around in their pajamas for days!)--but look at the difference waiting those three days made!
posted on January 15, 2001 10:17:50 AM new
I read through this thread and feel that the posters have poured out their hearts.
I also viewed cmbtboots auctions, about me page and other threads with her opinions.
I have to say, she sounds like a great person.
But helping her live life "underground" is not going to help.
If this is not a scam, she needs to get herself over to a social service agency and in contact with the IRS to sort out her life. Maybe use a pro bono lawyer or something.
Come clean and feel better about herself.
The IRS is not going to go away, and when she is prosecuted who will raise her son?
If this is a scam, she seems t have a reason she can not do anything to help herself and she will start accepting everyone's offers in a day or two.
Yes, I am maybe a little more jaded then most. I travel around the country and there are a lot of scams out there.
posted on January 15, 2001 11:19:26 AM new
Barrelracer,No one is asking Boots to live underground.A depressed person cannot take on
Several battles at one time.I've been around the block ,So has everyone on this thread,And
regardless of what some ,have been thru or seen,They still try to help someone hurting.
Give everyone here a little more credit,And give Boots credit for that hill shes trying to climb.
You have just logged a fear in the person,
Who shared a problem with everyone,If she accepts help, then she has a game playing.
Shame on you for that.And I hope you will never have to go thru it.
posted on January 15, 2001 11:52:59 AM new
barrelracer....I too was very sceptical at the beginning of this thread, but I got over it. To me, this is not your everyday scam that you evidently see through all your travels. This is much more personal. You said you read the ME page and this entire thread...if you truly read everything boots had to say, then you know in your heart this is not a scam. There are many ppl. here who are will to give and help boots any way they possibly can....what is the harm?? IF this is a scam, then that is between boots and her maker....but everyone else here is doing a GOOD thing, and that is between them and their maker.
And not real sure what you mean by "LEAGALLY"
[ edited by nanastuff on Jan 15, 2001 11:54 AM ]
posted on January 15, 2001 11:55:22 AM new
Barrelracer,No,I do not know your sitution.
You keep saying underground,Where is the underground?Someone who tells their problems in an open forum,Is not underground.Nor can they be traced.Someone underground would not be at Auction watch or ebay.We seem to have differing views on what is underground.It is not underground to be able to handle problems
One at a time.Are you speaking of being paid
Under the table?All she has to do is fill out the w2s for those years,And send them in.The one in trouble will be the employer for not reporting employees taxes to be with held.
She would not be the one, the IRS would be interested in.The back taxes?She still has
Time to deal with that.One thing at a time.
posted on January 15, 2001 12:02:33 PM new
Hi nanastuff
I did not say this thread was a scam.
I gave 2 scenerios, advice to boots if it was not, that involved getting legal help to get unburied from her problems. Which I truly believe is the thing to do...
and my other thought that maybe, possibly it was.
I knew my post would cause rage in some people, but it is my post.
junquemama,
<<nor can they be traced>>
I am having a hard time understanding your post, because you are so furious with me your sentences are running together.
But gee, if I was IRS, all I would have to do would be bid on one of her auctions to get her address.
I agree with you, telling your legal troubles on a public board is not underground.
What is so wrong with my advice of getting herself to social services and legal help?
posted on January 15, 2001 12:22:48 PM new
I know how it feels to have nothing left but your pride. I don't have a lot to give but I'm gonna go bid on her auctions. So, if I can manage to win one of your auctions boots, my question is, can I include something for Superman?
Superman is just a lil fella and doesn't know about all that pride stuff that effects us grownups so deeply. It would probably make me feel better than you, just to be able to help even if only a little.
posted on January 15, 2001 12:23:45 PM new
Barrelracer,
f this is not a scam, she needs to get herself over to a social service agency and
in contact with the IRS to sort out her life. Maybe use a pro bono lawyer or
something.
No such annimal.(Free legal help with the tax man.)Legal services thru the State and Fedral level is for divorce,Children,And aliens.To get a free attorney ,you have to be charged with a crime,And get a court appointed attorney. Or get a grant to pay attorneys fees.Very time consuming.The IRS does not strighten out, anyones life for them.There are steps to be taken,And they are one at a time.
posted on January 15, 2001 12:28:10 PM new
barrelracer...the point is that even the word "scam" was brought up only by you...your advice had already been given (as far as agencies, IRS, ect). You are the one that brought up the scam thing. Yes, you gave two scenerios: one: somehow trying to get her out from "underground" (with the legal advice, which had already been given) and two: a scam, and sounds like you are waiting to see if she starts "accepting everyone's offers in a day or two." Oh and of course you would be critical of junquemama ....I understood her perfectly, and no I am not angry, and I hope you are not either. Too bad you had to bring this up, and I personally will not comment on it further.
posted on January 15, 2001 12:42:23 PM new
CHOCOCAKE & NANASTUFF=
I am having a hard time understanding your post, because you are so furious with
me your sentences are running together.
Nope,Not upset,Advice is free.The right advice,Can be everything.
posted on January 15, 2001 01:52:24 PM new
Hi all,
I have been reading this thread since the beginning and have not commented as there is plenty of great advice here. I went the route of some mentioned and checked out her auctions and bid (not under this id on e-bay).
I wish boots and her son the best.
Just a couple of points; free lawyer-I don't know if she can get free help for taxes (probably not), BUT there is free legal help for small businesses, especially women and minorities, e-bay is a business and should be treated as such. From there they may be able to refer her for help with IRS.
I had a friend a few years ago that had a tax bill of over 20,000, hadn't filed for 8 years but after they bought a home the paper trail got them. Anyway they never made a whole lot of money and probably boots hasn't either. But she has a child and probably expenses she doesn't even recognize as such. I'm probably losing everybody (I tend to ramble on) but the final outcome for my friend was that the IRS owed them almost $5,000 in refunds, earned income credit etc. and that might very well happen here. A good accountant is worth the money, sometimes you can pay for a consultation and do the footwork yourself, but it's usually better to have them speak for you. They're not as easily intimidated as the average JO (or Jane) Anyway that's all folks!!
posted on January 15, 2001 02:19:57 PM new
A good tax accountant is what you need ~ I too had a friend that started with a $10,000 bill and ended up only owing $500.00 ~ earned income credit made all the difference. Since there is a small child involved ~ that should apply here as well. Those that feel lead to help this person should ~ you will be blessed for your giving. Those who feel no such desire should help those they feel lead to help.
posted on January 15, 2001 02:35:35 PM new
Well then, call me jaded right along with barrelracer. Continuing working "under the table" - for herself or anybody else - is NOT going to fix this situation long-term.
I am more than a bit nonplussed that many of you are suggesting that somebody who's got a huge debt and a child to feed consider a startup business for income, whether it's depending on ebay or selling Tupperware. This is NOT the time for the unpredictability of self-employment (geesh, have we really forgotten the "I can't get any hits! threads of just a few weeks ago??). Any guide to starting your own business tells you to have at least 3 and ideally 6-12 months' income stashed away before you start - or at least have a "real" job until you know your biz is successful. Right now, this person is seriously in the hole financially, and she's not the only one depending on her income. I really don't think that adding the stress of your own business is going to make her life any easier right now.
I also understand that our thread's originator doesn't want to be away from her child during the day, but at this point what one "wants" and what is "necessary" are two different things. Once you get your life back into order, THEN you can make choices.
As a paralegal who's helped on pro bono cases of every possible permutation, I can assure you that FREE legal help is available in nearly every community in the country. A couple good places to call are the state bar association and any nearbly university with a law school; law students, under the supervision of their professors and "real" attorneys, often participate in legal assistance programs which handle all sorts of cases and can help you find a pro bono or sliding-scale attorney if you actually need a lawyer. Contact a women's center for referrals as well - not only to legal advice, but counseling and day-care options as well.
posted on January 15, 2001 02:50:56 PM new
Also look on the website of your local phone company, lucent.com and avaya.com for jobs. I found my job by looking at the website and posting my resume. At all of them you will have to pass a written test. But, the pay is usually good and benefits after 6 months. Also, most temp agencies have websites with job listings.
posted on January 15, 2001 02:53:32 PM new
CPA's who work for the big accounting firms are encouraged to do a percentage of pro bono work. They would probably be working with agencies.
Don't know much about them, as to whether to recommend or not, but have been hearing about a tax org. that will assist consumers. I think you can get a free consult. 1-800-away irs is the phone#.
cariad
posted on January 15, 2001 03:08:04 PM new
I have been following this thread from the start and haven't felt I had much to add.
I would like to say, please don't forget the 'depression' factor .. if you've never suffered from clinical depression then you CANNOT know what it feels like. Argue with me all you will, but it's true!
The place I would recommend starting would be a crisis line to get counseling.
Also, I have some things I would LOVE to send to you, Boots! Really!! I inherited things from 3 households and have a room full of stuff. Nothing big $$ left really, but there is no way I can list everything I've got. I have GOT to get some things out of my 'guest room.' Cannot even walk through it!!
Please send me your adddress .. my email is [email protected] .. if you don't take them they'll probably end up at Goodwill for some other ebayer to buy and sell. You'd be doing me a favor .. REALLY! No compensation wanted. People have helped me in the past, I help people in the present and I'm sure you will help people in the future!
Good luck and hang in there!
I have a memory like a steel trap .. unfortunately it's rusted shut!
posted on January 15, 2001 03:09:39 PM new
Just a quick comment, but I guess the IRS chaged considerably over the last 12 years? My BIL owed some major taxes to Uncle Sam and managed to get paid under the table for a very long time. Next thing he knew Uncle Sam had seized his bank account and when he did get a job that paid him legally.. Uncle Sam garnished 80% of his wages.
1) Uncle Sam can take any amount of someone's paycheck in a garnishment situation. They don't have to be nice and they make the rules.
2) Uncle Sam can and will seize a bank account in order to get it's money.
Boots has been working under the table for 8.5 years and has yet to have her bank account seized by the IRS for taxes that she owes? I guess I could go on the assumption that she doesn't have a checking or savings account.. but as an ebay seller, that's awful hard isn't it? *but it also blows the PayPal part of things away.. doesn't it?*
The whole point of this post, cmbtboots, is that if you don't pull yourself together and get it together, you're going to be in a much bigger bind, financially, than you already are. Hiding, by ignoring, not responding, not making any payment attempts, from/to the IRS is not a wise way to do things.
Wanting to stay at home, with your son, is a wonderful idea........ but.. there comes a point when it's not the smartest idea in the world... when you can't support yourself or your child.
You have a couple of choices. Either go after help, such as what has been outlined by others in this thread. Or go get a job. Contact your creditors (such as the IRS) and work out something with them.. so they don't turn around and take 80% of your wages. Wake up and quit hiding.
If you don't, everything will come crashing down around you..... worse than what you *think* it already has.
To those who think I'm being cruel sometimes people need blunt honesty, in order to wake up from their daydreams/nightmares and get on with reality.
posted on January 15, 2001 03:09:45 PM newcmbtboots:
Please don't take this the wrong way: If you sell on eBay, and have a PayPal account, post your email address in here. I'm sure a lot of folks in here (myself included) can and will send you a couple of bucks to give you a slight shove and get you on your feet again.
posted on January 15, 2001 03:24:10 PM newbarrelracer
What about them?
------------------------------------------------------------ Many miles away, there's a shadow on the door of a cottage on the shore of a dark Scottish lake. http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/preacher4u/
posted on January 15, 2001 03:26:39 PM new
Barrellracer - I understand how you feel. A while back, another board held a fund-raiser for a lady with two very sick babies and she was also hit with overwhelming problems at the same time.
People worked desperately to help her, donated money, food, clothes and toys for the children (yes, me too).
She truly was in dire need, that was not a scam. However, even after receiving all the help, that lady is now in the same or worse situation.
Sometimes we can't fix people, and it makes us jaded because we know the kids are suffering due to the parent's lack of capability or willingness to help themselves.
I don't know the answer, I wish I did.
(And yep, I know exactly how chronic depression feels).
posted on January 15, 2001 04:54:41 PM new
Wow I really feel like I need to defend my self here.
Please know that when I origionally posted here I certainly DID NOT expect people to offer me money and other items, all I needed and expected was a place to vent and someone older than 4 years old to listen. THAT IS ALL.
It was mentioned that I am in hiding. I am not, I have lived in the same place for 6 1/2 years and the IRS knows exactly where I am because they have called and talked with me and I have received letters from them over the years.
Seven years ago they did empty out my bank account and I have not had one up until a few months ago. I got one because paypal required it. The account is non-interest bearing and I was told by they guy who set up my account that they only report interest bearing accounts to the IRS. And I only keep $10.00 in there to keep it open.
As for my desire to stay home with my son, the reason for this is a bit more complex. He was born 2 months premature due to toxcemia. He tends to get sick a bit more often than most kids. The first few months I lived in total fear something would happen to him and he would not make it. I guess I am just too overprotective of him. I won't apologize for this.
I feel that if there is anything at all I can do in order to stay at home I will do what I have to do. Money has always been very tight for me but I have, since 18, lived on my own and fully supported myself (except for about 15 minutes in the mid 80's when I was married). I would rather forgo the little extras like movies or new clothes or trips in order to be a stay at home parent. The choice for me is a no-brainer. Perhaps I will try selling avon or similar business.
Someone questioned the items I have bid on. I don't know why I feel like I have to explain myself, but I am bothered that some feel I am trying to pull a scam here. Like I said earlier, all I wanted was a place to vent. What I have bid on and won during Jan. with the exception of one item (a neighbor without a computer asked me to bid on something for her and I did) have either been items I am buying to resell or items I am buying in order make other items to order to sell.
