posted on February 22, 2001 09:40:56 PM
My husband has his own bathroom. No ladies things to be inconvenienced by. No waiting in the morning.
The only stipulation is HE is supposed to keep it clean. I come in and get his dirty clothes. This house has 4 bathrooms, and I clean the other 3.
Do you want to know how bad it gets before I give in and clean it? How can he use it when it looks like that? He won't even empty the trash until it overflows.
And we have opposite takes on thermal control. We live south of the snowline and north of the equator, the weather here isn't that bad. I refuse to run up the bill, I turn the heat off during the day til he gets home, and I won't let them turn the AC on until after the 4th of July. We have sweaters & blankets for winter and fans & windows in summer. I visit my mom then, and he turns the AC on as soon as I leave.
Now if he would just stop surfing during the commercials while I'm trying to watch a show, I'm getting tired of missing the first minute of everything.
posted on February 23, 2001 06:28:33 AM
Turn around is fair play, read on:
SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females)
1. Combating Stupidity
2. You, Too, Can Do Housework
3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
4. How to Fill an Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
6. Understanding the Female Response to You Coming in Drunk at 4:00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly "Don't Wash my Silks"
8. Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception
9. Get a Life: Learn to Cook
10. How Not to Act Like a Jackass When You're Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You: The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons to Give Flowers
15. How to Stay Awake in Public
16. Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom
17. Garbage: Getting it to the Curb
18. You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try
19. The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower
20. I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please
21. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down (formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet"
22. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms
23. Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bull
24. How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost
25. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
26. Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex
27. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
28. Mothers-in-Law: They are People Too
29. Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home
30. You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
31. Seeing the True You (formerly "You Don't Look Like Mel Gibson When Naked"
32. Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works
33. The Attainable Goal: Omitting "tits" From Your Vocabulary
34. Techniques for calling home
What happens when a man opens his zipper?
His brains fall out.
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
What did God say when he made man?
I'll get it right next time.
WHAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN
1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
2. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
3. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
4. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.
5. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a women.
6. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -- strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them!
7. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent -- but they make great pets!
8. Mens brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
IF MEN GOT PREGNANT!
* Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay.
* There would be a cure for stretch marks.
* Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
* Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.
* All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
* Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
* Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
* They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
* Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
* Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
* Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
* They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
* Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as entrees.
* Women would rule the world.
posted on February 23, 2001 08:32:35 AM
This seemed to fit. Maybe it is not our fault - the devil made us do it...
N THE BEGINNING.......
>> > In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth
>> was
>> > without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
>> >
>> > And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
>> >
>> > And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And God said,
>>"Let
>> > the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree
>> > yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.
>> >
>> > And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."
>> >
>> > And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and
>> let
>> > them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the
>> air
>> > and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping
>> thing
>> > that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image;
>>male
>> > and female created he them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw
>> that
>> > they were lean and fit.
>> >
>> > And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this game."
>> >
>> > And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,
>> > green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live
>> long
>> > and healthy lives.
>> >
>> > And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent
>> > double cheeseburger.
>> >
>> > And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
>> >
>> > And Man said, "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
>> >
>> > And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure
>>that
>> > man found so fair.
>> >
>> > And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.
>> >
>> > And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
>> >
>> > And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
>> >
>> > And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil
>>with
>> > which to cook them."
>> >
>> > And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
>> > platter.
>> >
>> > And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
>> >
>> > And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those
>> extra
>> > pounds.
>> >
>> > And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not
>> have
>> > to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.
>> >
>> > And Man gained another 20 pounds.
>> >
>> > And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought
>> forth
>> > the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with
>> nutrition.
>> >
>> > And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center
>> into
>> > chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also.
>> >
>> > And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled
>> in
>> > cholesterol. And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into
>> > cardiac arrest.
>> >
>> > And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
>> >
>> > And Satan created HMO's.
>> >
>
>
></blockquote></x-html>
posted on February 23, 2001 09:27:04 AM
The other day my husband asked me if his Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue came yet. I told him no, but that I would pick one up when I stopped off to get my Playgirl Magazine. Know what he said? "It's not the same"!!
posted on February 23, 2001 09:44:23 AM
Now listen you people! You must stop!! I don't think I have EVER p'd on the toilet, but I am laughing so hard that I just p'd my pants!!!! Thanks a lot LMAO No; the hubby will never know about this, cause what he don't know, I don't have to hear about.
posted on February 23, 2001 02:40:39 PM
Women's Bumper Stickers:
1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
2. GOD MADE US SISTERS, PROZAC MADE US FRIENDS.
3. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.
4. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.
5. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.
6. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.
7. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.
8. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
9. DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF.
10. I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN - AND I HAVE A GUN.
11. GUYS HAVE FEELINGS, TOO. BUT WHO CARES?
12. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES
13. AND YOUR POINT IS?
14. WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT.
15. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
16. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.
17. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE SHUT UP.
18. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.
19. I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE.
20. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?
21. SORRY IF I LOOKED INTERESTED. I'M NOT.
22. IF WE ARE WHAT WE EAT, I'M FAST, CHEAP AND EASY.
23. DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
24. WHO LIT THE FUSE ON YOUR TAMPON?
posted on February 23, 2001 04:41:11 PM
I wasn't going to post this, but you women leave no alternative.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There's a clock on the oven!
Why do men pass gas more than women do?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell Them apart.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same thing.
Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%...wedding cake
posted on February 25, 2001 07:46:16 AM
I like that guys that are going bald then let what hair they have left grow 3 feet and swirl it around their heads. Nobody can guess.
posted on February 25, 2001 11:14:48 AM
ROTFLMAO!!!
This kind of crap is exactly why I live without a man ... no need for one. That's not to say that I won't ever be in a relationship again, but it saddens me to see women who think they 'need' a man to give them a definition...and men who believe the same. I am raising my two boys to be the kind of men that respect women as human beings, rather than things. They are not cissified but neither are they chauvinists-in-training. I envision a better world in generations to come with men who were raised by self-confident mothers who refused to take any bull@hit and know that their life is not dictated by another person's agenda.
posted on February 26, 2001 06:38:10 PM
Regarding the toilet seat being left
up yet once again....
I'm out of estrogen and I have a Gun
if you catch my drift.
See you around.
here, there, and everywhere 
