posted on March 8, 2001 01:33:28 AMpharlap LOL!!!
That same womans husband came home from work one day and commented to his wife that the new milkman had had his way with every woman in the street but one.
"Oh!" said his wife, "I'll bet it's that Mrs. Jones from 46!!!!"
Bob, Downunder but never down.
Mouse - I think we should be ok - after all, moderators need to be entertained too
The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sightseeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client.
The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her...don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the king from wanting to marry her.
After a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara."
The African king pauses for a while. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem! I have. I have."
Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."
The African king pauses for a while. He whips out his cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I build."
Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally she gets an idea, a sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis." The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut. I cut."
posted on March 8, 2001 01:58:04 AMPharlap Behave now we do not want to have our beautiful new rooms closed down, due to smutt. LOL
Okay I am really cheesed off, remember almost 2 weeks ago I said that my daughter was sick and I had to take her to hospital, (she is okay now),well we went to our own doctor on the following day, and they rang the hospital. The hospital said that they would fax through her results to our doctor, and if there was any major problem, our GP could look after it. Well I just got a phone call from the hospital telling me that they have just got the results back. Bullsh*t, I know how long those tests take and they do not take almost 2 weeks. I am fuming, we had a run in with this hospital once before and this is the first time I have taken her back since. We are talking 4 years, and it looks like they have not improved in all that time.
Wait until tomorrow, I am going to go through them like a bag of salts.
posted on March 8, 2001 02:07:15 AM
Nettak - 2 weeks??? They can't be serious! The most I've ever had to wait for results is 24hours! (although I've never had tests done through a hospital so maybe it's different)
Is the hospital in Bris and have the initials PA by chance?
posted on March 8, 2001 02:14:36 AM
No it isn't the PA, although would you believe her Private Specialist is at the Renal Unit at the PA, and I hate the PA.
In fact I have some really bad memories associated with that hospital.
No I took her to the Logan, because it is only 4 klms from our house, I should have taken her to Logan Private, but they do not have a Renal Unit and the specialist told me not to take her there. Sheesh I am so mad, I could spit.
When my husband cut the top of his thumb off, I raced him to the Logan and they were fantastic, and when my son got flash burn to his eye from the welder they were fantastic. It only seems to be when I take my daughter up there that we have problems.
I know how long those tests take, and they can not convince me otherwise. She has been having these tests all her life. So I am the wrong mother to try and fob off with a pack of lies.
posted on March 8, 2001 02:25:14 AM
I agree with you about the PA. That place is the reason why I hate hospitals today.
My dad was there for a couple of weeks after major brain surgery and we had to travel up every day to visit him. Would you believe that one day they actually LOST him!!! No one seemed at all worried and we were furious! They eventually were about to call the police when he came back. He had been wandering around Bris in his hospital garb looking for lollies & cigarettes! Who on earth lets intensive care patients just walk out the door????
On top of that I hated the fact that the place was so old - just plain creepy. Have you checked out the elevators there??? I always felt like crossing myself whenever I entered one - and I'm not even Catholic
posted on March 8, 2001 02:32:45 AMROTHFLMAOPIMP, have you checked out the elevators there??? I always feellike crossing myself whenever I entered one - and I am not even Catholic
I do know what you mean and what about the cockies in bed with the paitents.
At least the Renal Unit is new and it is away from the rest of the hospital, but they have no parking and I HATE that!!!! Oh and it is away from the looney bin as well. LOL
I was to busy laughing to mind my spelling. LOL
[ edited by nettak on Mar 8, 2001 02:36 AM ]
posted on March 8, 2001 02:34:40 AM
Yes Tigerlady, but it would have to be chocolate milk, cause my best mate Rocker does not touch the hard stuff anymore.
posted on March 8, 2001 03:07:35 AM
I dunno what it is about my computer and this thread tonight...Everytime I make a post or come back to check up on it I have problems
Tigerlady, too funny! I hope that was because you like us! LOL The get drunk one actually made me think of you Netta and the hospital! LOL And in reference to my back problems...I'm not smiling yet
Bob, you never cease to amaze me you bugger you!
Pharlap, that is scary what happened with your dad! Are lollies lollipops?? I'm still learning!
posted on March 8, 2001 03:10:33 AM
Ok, I just got a joke in my email and it's a little less blue
A man had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the man stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'd crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at
the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time
he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the
pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!"
"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look.
"The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
Lollies = sweets (I think that's what you guys call them). Good lord - I can just imagine him walking in sucking a lollypop - we would have really thought he'd flipped!!!
My birthday is: The Long and Winding Road by The Beatles
My wedding day is: One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey with Boyz II Men
(for both I picked USA cause that's where I am! )
posted on March 8, 2001 03:27:17 AM
Hi mouse, I love that word you use when your 'putor arcs up. HINKEY.
Thats what mine's got to night. HINKEY syndrome!
Didn't matter where I pointed the cursor, it kept whizzing off to somewhere else. Boy, was it doing some strange stuff.
Seems ok now. I've got some special diagnostic tools that do the job.
Bob, Downunder but never down.
posted on March 8, 2001 03:29:30 AM
Not yet Netta, I need to give them a call tomorrow. I needed to find out some information from my doctor first. My back is slowly getting betterl but my knee is worse right now. The therapist is confused as to why, but we both figure it's just because I'm working muscles that haven't been used much for a long time.
I just checked my email and along with some fun stuff I got disturbing news. It seems my plant is very slow right now and they're forcing people to take a week off. I was afraid of this because my brother's plant just had a lot of layoffs last month. We're in different sectors though, so sometimes what happens to one has nothing to do with the other.
So I guess I still have no idea what's going on with my disability. It's all driving me mad dammit. I just want to be able to get better and go through therapy and not have to worry about if I will have a home or car next week. Know what I mean? I swear the stress is making me heal slower too.
Ok, enough of the depressing stuff! Where did Bob run off to? I need a dancing partner!
posted on March 8, 2001 03:36:54 AMMouse, that is a cool site.
There are three that match my birthday on the US list. Don't LOL too funny. At the Hop and Sugartime ( I love that song)
For my wedding day it was Reunited..... do you think it means we were together in a previous life. Gee you would think we would have learnt the first time. ROTF
posted on March 8, 2001 03:46:56 AMmouse Dancing. That sounds cool.
I thought I'd share my special computor fixing program with you all.
It will download into any system.
Once you've used it your computor is guaranteed not to give you any more trouble.
Use it in what is called "forceful download mode"
Bob, Downunder but never down.
[ edited by bitsandbobs on Mar 8, 2001 03:49 AM ]
[ edited by bitsandbobs on Mar 8, 2001 03:51 AM ]
posted on March 8, 2001 03:49:15 AM
I don't know if everyone else is having trouble getting a connection tonight, but it sure is slow my end.
Mouse, Stress can make the healing process slower, your body can not possibly heal properly if you are under constant stress.
A few years ago we lost a lot of money to a con merchant. My husband was trying to help this guy out of a jam and he ripped us off for a lot of money. We very nearly lost our house, we had no money for medical expenses for our daughter. I thought my world was going to end. The doctors were great they only took what medicare paid and that was a great help for us. It was through all of the stress that I believe I got sick and when it hit me, it hit hard. I was not normally sick with anything. Stress can be a killer.
You know the funniest part, the mob that was going to take our house off us, now gives us work. This world we live in is a very strange place and you just never know where a cloud with a silver lining is, so you hang in there and I just know that your cloud will float over to you very soon. {{{{HUGS}}}}
posted on March 8, 2001 04:14:07 AM
Well, I don't know if my tax refund is my silver lining, but I hope it's a start! Believe me after the past few years I've had, I need a break dang it! Thanks for the hug too, I need as many as I can get!
Love that new program Bob! Mind if we borrow it??
*spelling, oops!
~^~ The hippy chick ~^~
[ edited by mouseslayer on Mar 8, 2001 04:15 AM ]
posted on March 8, 2001 04:20:50 AM
Well, I meant the "help you plot revenge against the scum sucking b@st@rd (or B!TCH in this case) who made you sad" part, not the get you drunk part. *LOL*
Neat site Mouse!
Hmmm... so my theme is "American Woman" by The Guess Who...
I HAVE been listening to Lenny Kravitz' version a lot lately...
The one for our anniversary is "The Power of Love" by Celine Dion
posted on March 8, 2001 04:24:00 AM
It is bucketing down here and the wind is pretty strong. So much for Sunny Qld. hey Pharlap, at the moment it shoud be wet and windy QLD. LOL
Bob did you send this crappy weather up to us??? We know you southern folk enjoy it but we don't.
Oh well I guess it will green the paddocks up and then they will have to be slashed. haha
Mouse you can have as many {{{{HUGS}}}} as you want or will help.
~^~
)
