posted on March 11, 2001 07:45:52 PM
oh, and note to deco...
When I punched in cookiestwo's data wrong I had the birthday right, but 10 years younger .. so you can tell him if he keeps it up this other guy looks pretty interesting
anais - I take it you do not have a time on your spouse then? You are late at night, so it is not likely that you spouse is "trine-free" as things are always moving. But I wonder.
I don't know how much I like challenge, I would have to think about it, but I do know that a new wrinkle in astrology is pretty cool. It is like there is a large body of text and then you insert a word and the whole thing reflows. Same document, but just a wee bit better.. VeryModern Space Junk
posted on March 12, 2001 05:03:40 AM
Thanks a lot Very Modern. I showed him the first part and all he said was "So why aren't you spoiling me?" Yikes!! Did I miss something there or did it go straight thru one ear and out the other? Rhetorical question, not expecting an answer to that!LOL
posted on March 12, 2001 06:00:33 AM
"So why aren't you spoiling me?"
where Bold = Cancer rising asking about Aries ME?
I am still thinking about you two and Mars Pluto on his Moon, and in your 4th house sq you Moon and I do hope you let us know what occurs.
Also hope Vomiting Virgo shed some light. See how this stuff expresses so many levels of the same thing.
anais fast notes on the notes you sent me ---- you have a Cardinal grand Cross on the angles - the Cardinal houses and so a most natural leader.
On the investigative - your Mercury (thinking /reading) is in the 3rd house (where it likes to be, house it rules) in Sag (the truth) and trine Pluto (excavate).
You are not a cheap Capricorn because you have Jupiter (generous) conjunct you Moon and trine you Sun. The Moon Jupiter in the 7th is what gives the goos partner, especially since trine Venus in Sag, and Saturn in Libra (Venus sign) which is an exalted position.
Your arthritis is shown by Saturn in the 1st house (the body), Saturn makes things rigid, Same Saturn is also square your Sun and so imposes restriction.
The love of small animals is given by your Virgo rising which rules small pets.
Heart attack?
Your Sun (rules the heart) is exactly opposed by Uranus implying a sudden unexpected event. Same Sun is also square Saturn and Jupiter - part of your Grand Cross - so you see constant stress.
Stress like this.
Saturn says slow, and Jupiter says GO. If conjunct in your chart, you can "go slow" but since opposed they war with each other - impacting the Sun and Uranus opposition via the square.
(if you have not seen your chart - post me and I will put it up because you will be able to see this visually)
Okay - on the other side, the Sun in Cap in the 4th says tradition / family rule and Uranus in the 10th wants to defy father/mother/roots and so they also war, and this is further exasperated by Sun in Capricorn in the Cancer house (sign it opposes) it gives a double whammy conflict between career and family. Whew! See Capricorn wants public success, Cancer wants home (both want to control) and the obvious answer is a family business or home based business, or renting homes...
(like Maui - Cancer Moon in the 10th which is your situation in reverse)
Your sensitivity is shown by Moon in Pisces and further supported by a conjunction with Jupiter (and trine Venus). I am wholly glad to see this configuration, it is a sweet spot in a rough chart, and provides you with faith when going is tough, and going is tough pretty often.
Now.. this "tough" is from the outside looking in, Capricorn rarely appreciates how profound their ability to endure is. I don't know what to say, outside of what you have been through would have killed a dozen others.
Also Virgo rising (and I knew you were worried, because you said you were worried) combined with the Pisces moon cannot help but swerve others, so between the 3 (The strong Saturn /Capricorn, the Virgo, the Pisces - you are quite apt to put yourself LAST.
Now taken to an extreme this will cause you problems, but on the flip, sitting around focused on your own problems is no way to live either.
When people think you ruthless, they are mistaking supreme competence and command, and a lack of tolerance for those who are NOT competence, but you are only this way on Tues, Thurs, and Sat [biggin] because the other days Pisces Moon conjunct Jupiter is driving and you can forgive horrible crime, see a higher vibe. I consider this an asset... a broader mind.
Moon is in Pisces, but Jupiter btw is in Aries (conjunct by degree, out of sign) and so this is another reason for your various careers.
See Saturn/Mars is the police (stop/control with force, etc. etc, etc) military, authority, and so forth.
The Saturn/Mars thing is repeated in your chart..
First your Cap Sun ruled by Saturn sq Jupiter in Aries ruled by Mars (that energy has to go somewhere)
Second Saturn is placed in the first house (Aries house)
Now I have told you everything you know, I will be back with more, and do post if you have not seen your chart.
There was a line up in Capricorn 10 + years back that would have hit your Grand Cross (and triggered your heart attack) and I want to check that out, and then get a read on current problems and look ahead.
I have to get my daughter to school. This was supposed to be a quick note VeryModern Space Junk
posted on March 12, 2001 06:56:36 AM
This is Anais - note the Grand Cross.
back asap
VeryModern Space Junk
[ edited by VeryModern on Mar 12, 2001 09:00 AM ]
posted on March 12, 2001 08:55:08 AM
Oh.... VeryModern, I might have known some of what you spoke of above but the knowledge was seen through a fog and I ALWAYS questioned my feelings, motives, and anything else that crossed my path that wasn't clear. You have given reason to that foggy knowledge. Your explanation makes things clearer. (If that makes sense?)
Conflict has been my constant companion, it seems. For example, you hit my control issues head on. I recognize my need to control and also recognize that I need to "let go". When I let go I feel guilty. It feels as if something is going to happen that I should've had a handle on, so to speak.
"Saturn says slow, and Jupiter says GO" Exactly. I am acutely aware of this conflict in my mind. In the past, Jupiter always won. I lived most of my life on fast forward. And I had to push to live this way. There was the perception of a force that I was working against me. Nothing was easy, I always found the battle that needed to be fought. Principles and Integrity are important to me.
Yes, I have a commanding presence. I "look and act" like I can handle anything. On the inside though, something entirely different is going on. I question, interrogate and often beat myself up. I am my own worse enemy.
Very interesting VM. Not only interesting but I can see where this kind of insight could have helped me throughout my life. I'm still in Awe and looking forward to more when you have time. My chart has a box with a red X. Is there somewhere I can go to see it? Thanks so much.
posted on March 12, 2001 08:58:39 AM
Okay anais, I feel a blather about your chart coming on and it got so huge on me that I found I had better blather about blathering first.
This is for Silk Moth and anyone else who may be studying. Also for me, a way to stop and take stock of my own transits.
Okay, I have Mars conjunct Mercury in Libra.
Mars - raw male energy
Mercury - cars, communications, thinking, mind
Result :
quick thinking, fast talking, fast driving, fast writing, talk before you think
also
aggressive speech, truck-driver mouth, aggressive driving, fighting words, intellectualize anger, angry mind / thoughts
also
the tie I have mentioned a few time, where I *think* best during exercise where mars = physical exertion. The more burn the more action in the mind.
also
fights with siblings, neighbors
also
lungs (ruled by Mercury) under constant stress
and on and on and on
Now the blathering is because of Jupiter. T Jupiter in Gemini (Jupiter / preach beliefs + Gemini communicate) TRINE my Natal Mars Mercury.
Jupiter expands so now my Natal Mars Mercury is flourishing (perhaps to excess - part and parcel of Jupiter)
On the excess it would be far far worse if it were a square.
anyway... I wrote this out so I could think about it and so that Silk Moth could be entertained to watch result when T Saturn comes into Gemini to trine same Libra and changes the whole tone. Bottom line, I will blather while I can... I am going to have to meet a more rigid standard / restrain myself shortly...
I also wanted to show how it is the tip of the iceberg regarding the various ways and levels that just a pair of planets express in a chart... The ways my Mars Mercury "exists" every day and over the course of my life are endless. (talk about sex, think about sex, mars is how you get what you want - I write personal ads looking for...etc. etc. ...). Point is that there is a serious limit to what I can write about a person's chart - but if you can grasp the energies ar work you can see how things play and play and play and this give great understanding of self.
Example... say I walk into a therapist and he/she says "you are angry. Angry with your siblings" and I say "F*** you, I am not!"
LOLOL
3 years later I may think..
Uh.. maybe I was just a tad pissed of
Okay anias, I am coming back and write about your friends.
I will also fix that chart, I see my error. VeryModern Space Junk
There is the link to your chart. It seems to be working fine with IE but not Netscape.
Geocities glitch no doubt. If it keeps up, email and I will email it back to you. VeryModern Space Junk
posted on March 12, 2001 09:22:37 AM I recognize my need to control and also recognize that I need to "let go". When I let go I feel guilty.
The need for control comes via the cardinal grand cross and it is ACUTE. (SEE PHOTO)
The need to let go comes from the Moon in Pisces conjunct Jupiter which SCREAMS "let go, let God" Major Faith.
The guilt comes from you Virgo rising who is super hyper critical especially of Pisces above - thinks you should have perfect performance at all times!
There you go.
(I will be back with ideas to cope)
Principles and Integrity are important to me.
This is code words for Capricorn. Do the right thing.
Yes, I have a commanding presence. I "look and act" like I can handle anything. On the inside though, something entirely different is going on. I question, interrogate and often beat myself up. I am my own worse enemy.
See conflict above. Capricorn tough hide, tough as nail, but Pisces Moon - ultra sensitive.
There is a way to live differently, live better, I will draw you a map. VeryModern Space Junk
Pissed off (Mars) about cutting (mars) genitals (pluto) and so lawsuits filed (Sag)
"Circumcision Lawsuits"
By ABCNEWS.com
William Stowell, 19, says sex without a foreskin is not as good and he is suing the hospital where he was born for
performing a circumcision on him. He says uncircumcised men and their partners have a better time in bed.
[url]http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/abc/20010312/hl/gma010207circumcision_suit_1.html[/url VeryModern Space Junk
posted on March 12, 2001 10:32:47 AM
Okay anias - I have to start with the friends because it is in my head - then a map.
You have Pluto in the 11th house. The 11th house shows our friend/associations/clubs I also feel it rules the Internet. (Gemini may rule email - a quick note) but the structure of the Internet is 11th house Uranian, and I will get to why I mention this. (Silk Moth - ancient ruler of Aquarius is Saturn - that is why "structure"
Okay, so wherever you have Pluto in a chart, house and aspects, you can expect a "wipe out" a some point in your life, and probably more than one. It is waiting to happen and "when" is shown by the transits.
The symbol of Pluto is the Phoenix that rises from the ashes... another way I like to view this is a how periodically parts of a forest burn to the ground (from natural or otherwise causes).
In the wake of a fire like this, the ground is barren and everything about it is horrendously bleak. Some of these trees were taken down in their prime - and the horror of this is unspeakable especially when you apply this concept to human life.
Now Pluto is a survivor and so this is what has happened to you as T Uranus (sudden unexpected) came to square your natal Pluto and you very quickly lost your friends.
I am terribly sorry of course, but there really are no words.
I have great experience with grave pain, but have never (and likely will never) get hit in the way you did, and very frankly, I can't even imagine / don't even want to imagine what a horror it must be to be left standing alone where your friends once stood.
What I can offer is a perspective that might afford you some relief, and a peek at the future, because there is one.
Pluto heals and kills. Pluto in the 11th shows powerful friendships, healing friendship, intense and loyal friendships.
Losing same, you have no choice but the retreat and endure the intense burn that feels NOT survivable.
I know only the slightest bit about alchemy but will borrow here - the process at hand is akin to being locked in a pressure cooker you cannot escape.
Now if you stay in place what occurs is a boiling down process and in the end a transformation occurs and you are left with "gold". A nugget sized thing that is borne / was created with all this intense energy.
Now you cannot get this kind of gold any other way. Climb out of the pot and circumvent the process, and no gold.
This is not some flaky metaphysical idea, this is a process that occurs in all of our lives at one time or the other, or at least the "opportunity" occurs.
Some people hang with the burn and get the gold. Others get drunk or otherwise deny and miss this ring.
See, anais you cannot suffer what you have and walk away like this did not happen and expect to have the rest of your life to be lovely. It will not happen.
Do the pot thing. Climb in and stay in. Expect a result and a result you will get.
BTW this is a horrible disservice many of us do to our children in a misguided attempt to help.
Our child is in pain for whatever reason (childlike or otherwise) and we want to protect them from these negative feelings, so we take steps to cheer. Buy them something or whatever.
Well they would be better left to complete their process, which means you leave them in the pot. This does not mean you so not support them, it means you stay out of what is a natural process.
Example I have been in the pot with my friend Ben supporting and vice versa.
I can dial him up and ask him how the heat is in his pot --- how are you doing in there, but that is all. I should NOT take him out of the pot and take him to Tahiti so he forgets all about his pain.
See if I do - then no gold.
We have to let our children and our friends "finish" these things or we cheat them egregiously. because this is how power - true power is created.
I will be back, I only got to 10% of what I wanted to say about your fiends.
See - I told you I have a blather coming on.
PS - the reason to leave the kids in the pot is so they gain strength from their experiences instead shame. Yes.
Thwart this process and not only no gold, you are left with a feeling that what has happened to you is shameful and next time you are hit by crisis all they know to do is run. I plan to send my kids out on their own with some gold in their pocket. I will not be here forever and want them to have their own power source.
anais you have been taken to the rim of hell.
Do not leave until you see and pick the flower because it is there, I swear it is. VeryModern Space Junk
posted on March 12, 2001 10:44:18 AM
I just re-read and I surely hope someone understands what I mean.
I wanted to clarify - at the end of this process, when you are done in the pot, what you get (to be) is the Phoenix rising from the ashes...
and just FYI the Phoenix offers very little information about what went on in the pot. This is a scorpio process and so occurs in the dark. VeryModern Space Junk
posted on March 12, 2001 10:52:52 AM
so.. more personal to you anias - with all your Cardinal energy your first line of defense against a loss like this is to build a wall and try to control all aspects of the experience.
You are so competent that there is a risk and a danger that you will be successful which will not be a good thing for you.
See, you need to work your Pluto - your power because this is where your trines are, and all your power to heal and transform.
If you opt for the Cardinal control and leave Pluto lay - you are caught in the Grand cross and the body problems.
My point is, that you really need that flower.
as an aside - there is a gal on this board who is in the pot right now. Been there awhile. She has pretty much stated same. Anyhow, I had your chart anon, and you wrote and disclosed privately who you were, and I hope that you are reading this.
If you are, I hope you see yourself, because you are on SOOOO the right track. I think about you. VeryModern Space Junk
posted on March 12, 2001 12:01:01 PM
okay anias - back to your 11th house Pluto - you will find healing same place you suffered the wipeout when you are ready. Via friends and groups very possbibly via the Internet (told you I would explain).
Regarding health problems, I was wondering if you participate in any mailing lists on the subject / other forums where people gather. You will get powerful information that will benefit you in this way (11th house Pluto(power) trine Mercury (communications) in Sag (benefit), and some laughs courtesy of Jupiter.
When you are ready, you are also likely to find a powerful friend, a healing friend, like those you have lost. Friends like this are a natal promise to you, so know that you will see a renewal on this front and you will instinctively know when to go look via your Mars Neptune which I hope I have a chance to get to.
Okay so this map....
First thing is there is no divorcing any of your self so best to id everything and form a co-operative. Like I have to allow Venus in Leo to blurt out this or that now and then... it is part of my interior management
Jupiter can't grab the wheel all the time.
Too much Jupiter, no nod to Saturn and Saturn takes the body and YOU are caught in the middle.
You seem to have this idea / concern / fear that as a Capricorn you will be perceived as cold and cheap and unfeeling.
This tells me that you need to rethink Capricorn (the SEAGoat). Capricorn is not always the SOB foreclosing on the rest of the zodiac!
Thank Capricorn for your wisdom, your integrity, your restraint, your rich sensuality, the drollest humor in the land and on and on and on.
To merge the Cardinal conflict with the Moon Jupiter try planting ideas like
"I can feel good about my ability to control myself"
"I know I am afraid but I have faith everything will turn out okay"
"I am afraid of failing, but if I do I know that there is a divine purpose"
"I am cautiously optimistic!!!!"
To merge Virgo and Pisces - work to comprehend that you have two sets of skills, not one. You are a "more than one trick" pony.
Faith is great, an overabundance = denial of reality.
Attention to detail is great, an overabundance = view of one tree - no forest.
Someone with a preponderance of one or the other has to seek out the opposite energy to cultivate and you have both at hand. Don't let them war - have them co-operate.
Determine the task at hand. If it is math and Pisces is overwhelmed - then leave if for Virgo who will certainly show up tomorrow.
See what I mean? You can do it all, just not right now, so lose the berating. The berating is crap and you know this both intellectually and emotionally.
One more bit and then I need a break..
your lavish praise of me is shown by Venus in Sagittarius TRINE Moon Jupiter. IOW you give good love. VeryModern Space Junk
Most men undergoing vasectomies aren't too worried about it, a new study finds. And they report that pain is
their biggest fear, not the finality of the procedure.
~~~~~
Both pieces feature Saturn too..
This one regarding "fear" the last regarding "loss"
posted on March 12, 2001 01:10:33 PMSilk Moth Reporting that it just dawned on me that T Mars in Sag is sextile my Mars Mercury in Libra and so CHARGE!
anias it is my intention to write about your transits as soon as I regroup. Also did your chart ever come up? If you see it you will see clearly the challenge and the gift of your life.
posted on March 12, 2001 02:08:04 PM
This is for anon lurker who will remain anonymous and anyone else it may serve.
My friend tested AIDS + in 1985 and was also completly devastated with the diagnoses. His future uncertain, we talked and talked. It was a very sad time and I felt that if he had a short time left which was the forgone conclusion in this era that he should pursue his love which was music - specifically the cello.
He was a waiter at the time, playing the cello with various quartets and teaching the occasional student. Come to think of it, this was his Saturn return - time to decide what kind of adult you want to be and instead facing death.
Anyway, after hearing this news I felt the same as always that he should focus on the cello - only now I felt this more fervently. The point being if you are going to die then PULLLLEASE get busy living the life you were born to ... dance while you can. If he had 3 months or one year left then I really did not think he should serve even one more lunch. I loved waiting tables myself, but he hated and so what is the point of going to work another day?
He was scared. Profoundly scared, and long story short he received an offer. How is a miracle but he was able to go to work teaching music in the public school system. Strings were pulled and he left our town [sob] state [sob] and landed in a blackest hole you can imagine.
Wrong color, wrong sexuality, wrong politics and expecting to die, big secret to keep, you name it. He worked, he clawed, he fought and it took him about 3 years to emerge.
Okay so Fast forward to today.
My friend is alive. He has never been sick even one day. He waited years (10) to seek treatment because of the possible professional repercussions, but now takes some combination of drugs, and in whatever case has been able to ward off any and all symptoms.
Doing what he loved, his career has thrived.
He has now been teaching cello long enough to see his students join him to play in the symphony. He plays in two cities, also various smaller groups. He is loved and respected and credited with creating a top flight music program where there was nothing, and when he shows up people cheer. To his great embarrassment. He is given standing ovations.
It is a good thing he got off the couch, eh?
You know how many kids he has empowered?
Lurker, I feel the same now as I did then. I know that my friend has been fortunate, but I don't know what to say but live the life you have the way you want to live it and I know you have a better idea than current.
I will write tomorrow about this, I need to think. I am going to try to get you out of the chair, but I have to figure out why you are in it.
Hang in. You are not the only one. I am sure of this.
VeryModern Space Junk
[ edited by VeryModern on Mar 12, 2001 02:12 PM ]
posted on March 12, 2001 02:37:48 PM
Okay lurker - I just re-read your post and I gotta say something about this "big germ" idea...
That you are a "big germ".
I have been writing on these boards about this maligned subject, astrology for nearly a year and the last 4-5 months solid.
I have enough sense to understand that there is a percentage of people out there who think I am a big germ.
There is nothing I can do about it.
Anyone who thinks that you or I are a "big germ" has got an enormous problem, and I am not going to take it on, because I have problems of my own.
All that matters is what YOU think of you and so start asking yourself who told you that you were a big germ because you are going to have to excise that little non-factoid before you can get moving.
Start looking and I will come back with a light.
"who told me that I was flawed?"
That's the piece you want. VeryModern Space Junk
posted on March 12, 2001 02:53:20 PM
Strange that you should post that first thread to lurker,and this has nothing to do with him, but today has been a very thoughtful day. Rereading the posts......
Then I posed the hypothetical question to myself "What would you do if you knew you had only one more year to live?"
No answers yet, but at my age, when I do figure it out, I'm gonna do it! Maybe that is what it (my home thingy) is all about!Maybe not to be here (this home). Gad, I wish I was clairvoyant!!
posted on March 12, 2001 02:56:55 PM
deco - I think that's a great question to ask at any age!
Works the other way too.
If I have one year to live, what am I not going to do ever again?
posted on March 12, 2001 03:05:35 PM
Oh and deco - don't worry too much on the home stuff. That is going to come right to you. Remember, I said I was your *early* warning. VeryModern Space Junk
posted on March 12, 2001 03:25:13 PM
Anyway, if you can figure out a few things / people that you are not going to do anymore, then you have less clutter and distraction and what you really want is going to have an easier time showing itself, eh?
Maybe it is only frightening to die if you feel you never lived. VeryModern Space Junk
posted on March 12, 2001 05:52:17 PM
Okay lurker, I am looking at your chart because I am puzzled. You have been on the couch a good long time, a too long time. I cannot see anything keeping you there, and you know I am not shy. If I could find a rhyme or reason for it, a way that it is serving you then I would say so, but it is not there. I looked carefully. Your chart, your Solar return and also you progressed chart, and I have to conclude that you are still on the couch because you are *stuck*. You sat down and missed your cue to get up.
I also considered if you had some profound problem that you needed to get mega heavy duty professional help for, but I don't think so by the tone of your mails. Again... You sound very stuck and a little afraid and very very interested in finding a door to a new reality.
Using that premise...that you are unnecessarily stuck, I went looking for an opportunity.
A course of action or thought process you could apply that would be supported by the current transits to steer your boat to a new land. I found one right away but want to think overnight and incubate but want to offer this tonight.
I also wanted to answer your direct question - yes you have a grand trine. It is your gift and your curse, and here is why.
Your trine is from Sun Pluto and Venus in the water houses. You told me some months ago that you thought you would die within a year, and I could not see that in your chart but I thought "hell, you ought to know" and so wrote you back that you would have an easy passing, a sweet death. If was not telling some dying person something nice to hear, I took this from your chart.
See, you have Venus (love) in the 8th (death) trine Pluto (death) in the 12th (God) trine Mars (ruler of your Sun and Moon) in the 4th house, how - endings.
Your death will be "covered" by your grand trine... that is where you will go to die.
Now lurker, what I think you have done here is set up shop in this grand trine where you can stay for ever but get nowhere.
What I mean is that most people cannot "rest" this number of years that you have, and in this sense, the GT is a curse to you.
Someone said "HIV +" to you and you went to go stand by the door, but if you have not noticed, let me point out that you are well.
Now if you want to jump start your life - you will need to leave the trine. You will need to work with the hard aspects of your chart/ yourself if you want out of the loop.
This is the smart thing to do, and you can always know that the trine is there is you need it and will be there when you die.
Your trine is security, stout security but lurker - TODAY you are not sick and you do not need it, you need out of it.
I will come back tomorrow with map out.
I will lay it out for you. Meantime it might help if you could get a pissed off about being stuck in a lazy trine when all the tools you have and can use lie right outside of it.
posted on March 12, 2001 06:28:31 PM
VM... with great respect and not having seen the lurker's chart...
Venus in the 8th (Pluto's house) could also indicate regeneration or rebirth, no? I am thinking of the Persephone myth - sometimes being held hostage by Death is the beginning of new life.
I will watch this reading with great interest.
--------
not SilkMoth anywhere but here
posted on March 12, 2001 07:11:41 PM
Silk Moth - Yes, yes, yes!
And lurker has an 8th house Sun, perfectly able to cope with this, to get a good result.
I think the trine is lazy and I think that Pluto (trine Mars and Venus) is in the 12th and so not apparent to lurker.
Power?
What power?
Like that.
It is lucky to get a glimpse of what you have in there.
On the foggy thing, Venus is also Opp. Neptune.
Anyway - this is taking too long, it is not working.
HIV status is NOT new news - lurker has been stuck a too long time and knows it. Not 3, not 4, not 5, but more years.
There has got to be a revolution.
T Uranus has just entered the 6th house (health) and N Uranus is square the SUN - so I am thinking a JOLT may trigger a sudden change in the life force (Sun).
Something like "radically" change daily habits" which is what the universe wants with T Uranus in the 6th will trigger the square and swiftly take the life force *forward* to the future.
Lurker wants to move - this has been made very clear to me, and so why move slow when you can move fast? Lurker is Aries with Mars in Sag.. not one to dawdle. See the big problem here?
In the chain - Triggered Natal Uranus infuses the 8th house Sun with power which is gas it needs and so jump starts the HEART.
Lurker...
Imagine that your adult children and your lover have all but counted you out. They love you and have basically accepted you as is.
Do you think it would be fun to shock them?
An Aries boast...
Watch this and marvel!
The other thing, is there is a Virgo rising and so innate affinity with the 6th house. IOW lurker knows how to be healthy and knows that there is a problem with this time that has passed.
Oh.. and transits...
T Uranus is opp. PLUTO in the 12th.
Time to get a wind of the power.
Lurker -
Put them together and you get "shocking tranformation" and this is what you want, yes/no?
Silk Moth as I wrote this, I see T Uranus will be triggering the Grand Trine.. the 8th house, so this must be it, eh?
Lurker - I think we've found it.
I will post tomorrow in English not astrology.
posted on March 12, 2001 08:52:41 PM
VeryModern, The link on page four is not working. I have cleared my cache, refreshed. It is just a box with a red x. I have also clicked on the links on page 5. Same problem. I use IE so I don't think that is the problem.
My company is spending the night so I really have'nt really had the opportunity to reflect. Maybe we can get back tomorrow and you will have some more to say and I will have questions.
posted on March 13, 2001 10:20:08 AM
Okay lurker, first the obvious..
I am talking to Virgo.
Get your calender out. You are going to call the doc and schedule your blood work.
Not later and not maybe, this is #1 thing to do. To *not* do this is a sink on your energy is every way, so clutch it up and make the call.
The appointment you want is called "first available"
Don't think about it. Think about Yoda.
"Do or do not do. There is no try."
The reason to do this immediately is because as soon as you do, you will have turned your life around, and so if you want to turn your life around then there is nothing to ponder.
Get up, dial, schedule, hang up and you are in a new land.
Is it that simple?
Of course it is.
Wallowing and wishy washy is the complex thing. Direct action (ARIES) is a very simple thing.
Now, the reason to get yer calender is that from now on you are going to follow the doc's instructions to the letter.
If they recommend a blood test every 3 months then you are going to attempt to schedule your test 3 mos out to the day.
See how much fun this is?
It is fun because it is new. It is different.
It is NOT what you have been doing.
It is a revolution. A new way to live.
It is also a way for Aries to run the show. Somewhere in you is a drill Sergeant, yes/no?
Better / Worse yet, a "perfectionist drill Sergeant". This is who you want to wake up.
Find out where the marks go (on the calender), put them there and hit each one.
20 pushups is 20 pushups, not 3 and then "I'm tired".
Avoidance is a horrible sink on the life energy, so never miss another test date, ever.
This offers you some feeling of control. It also happens to be the best scenario for you physical health, which you surely know.
#2 thing - I really think that you need to puke up this bit about 'bad germ". The idea that you are flawed. Wrack your brains everyone who ever gave you a message like that. Keep going until you get to your family because this is where the root is.
This is not a trip down memory lane to feel morose - it is a military operation.
Search and destroy.
Now just like I wrote on the smoker thread, and this comes via Oprah's Dr. Phil btw, but modified --- it is not enough to get rid of a bad thought like that, you have to replace it with a preferable one.
The point of this is to provide an interior "option".
When you get feeling there is something wrong with you - instead of going down the old path that you know so well, that is so easy to do, you have a choice to take door B, a message you design.
"I am a bad germ" becomes "I am a big deal" and while you are at it, please try to appreciate that you are forsaking yourself, so here is another revolutionary idea.
Every day, and I mean every day you look in the mirror and tell yourself "I will not forsake you."
If this is sounds like a regimen, that is not an accident. You are suffering because of the lack of one and you need to get back in the director chair of your life. You tell yourself this message each day and I promise you it will impact your life.
#3 thing - For Silk Moth - lurker has abandoned friends rather than disclose her diagnoses.
Lurker, this is okay. Perhaps you need some new friends so lets go get you some.
(Silk Moth 11th house Uranus "changes" friends, and Pluto in the 12th has a hell of a secret)
Next thing to do is go out on the Internet and find yourself some HIV+ boards.
Find some peers.
See, the secret adds to the shame and the idea you are germ, so you need to reveal your reality at every opportunity and the Internet is a safe place to do it because you can remain anonymous. At least at first. It would be a wonderful thing if someday you could come on this board and say "I am Lurker".
I can tell you exactly what would happen.
There would benothing but an outpouring of support. Nothing. That is what is out there for you, the other is a myth, but back to the anon group - this will serve you in dozens of ways - here are a few.
1. it is harder to feel like a germ when you are hanging out with 20 friends who you know to be marvelous and are also infected. Eventually your positive feelings for others will transfer to yourself.
2. Interacting with a group, you will id people who you admire - their coping with illness and/or the threat of illness and you can allow them to inspire you. On the flip, you will encounter people who are struggling and negative in some way who can be just as inspirational to you because they show you the result if you choose part d or e or y. Note the control you enjoy here. You get in charge and stay in charge.
3. You state your lover does not truly understand and of course you are right - how could he? You need some peers. The reality these days, is that you will likely not be dying of AIDS, you will be living with HIV+ so go find some people who are doing that well and adopt their attitude.
4. You have Virgo and so out in the "community" you will spot poor souls who you will me motivated to help, and when you do you will help yourself.
5. this is a way to get more comfortable disclosing before taking it to the next level - your offline life.
#4 thing - You have to quit squishing you natural urge to get going. You report impulses to travel, etc and there is no NO reason from an astro perspective why you should not. In fact, the desire to get moving is what is apparent and stepping on it plays hell in your life.
You want to go to &&&&&&, then get up and go. See, the point is to turn on a dime. You've tried it one way, try it another.
"hey lover! Remember yesterday when I would not / could not... That was yesterday, but it is Wednesday now so lets go!"
Bottom line here, is you have to DO exactly what you are not doing and you have to NOT do everything you are doing.
That's right Lurker - you are doing is all wrong and this is very convenient because it means all you have to do is stop in your tracks and take 180 degree turn and march other way cool, eh? Subtle is your downfall, can you see that? You need decisive action.
Hide your diagnoses?
Instead, make it your first handshake.
Am I kidding? Of course not.
Go to the first board and first post is "I am hiv+ and...."
interlude..
if anyone has some good links or leads to boards for lurker, pls post them or email them to me [email protected] and I will forward
end of interlude.
Miss your blood checks?
Not anymore.
Wait to die?
No. Instead, live immediately.
Now back to this negative message thing, because this is a big hindrance.
You write that you feel you have "used this as an excuse" and I understand but please note how you are berating yourself.
Beware this.
How about "I have hung like a loose tooth for awhile but I am done now" or at the very least "I have used this as an excuse but not anymore".
You see how you have to re-write some of this stuff?
Questions are welcome.
Lurker if you don't think you can do this, my request / my challenge to you is this.
I need one reason why not.
You wrote me for a kick in the @ss, and here it is.
Go far and be well! I wanna see some piss and vinegar. Take your life back Lurker. You don't have to live low even one more day.
It starts with calling for the test. That is your ticket. Not call and then slip. Call and then step 2, then 3 and then 4 and no need to look back.
This is my fervent wish for you..
That you post me one the way out the door.
"I am going on the road..
no time to write..
later Mod."
~~~ Lurker!"
You think you can't get there, but you can. Just turn around and go the other way. Your scenery is tired. Need a new horizon. Send a postcard.
VeryModern Space Junk
[ edited by VeryModern on Mar 13, 2001 10:25 AM ]
posted on March 13, 2001 10:48:37 AM
I just wanted to clarify one point.
Lurker when I write "doing everything wrong" I do not mean this as criticism, so please don't take it as such. Poor choice of words, but I meant to imply that you have an opportunity to change every shred of your life. I took this as a good thing because you don't like it the way it is.
Did you notice that as of today - there is not one thing in your way? Life is rarely offered up like that.
posted on March 13, 2001 10:51:39 AM
YAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
WOOOOHOOO!
She is going now!
Lurker is going for a test NOW, right NOW she is going out the door!!!!!
