posted on August 23, 2001 11:18:10 AM
Dear Newbie,
Thank you for your registration to BooBoo, America's #1 online auction!
Here are some tips that will improve your experience:
1. Don't familiarize yourself with anything about BooBoo. Just hop right in and start bidding like an idiot. After all, anything Grandma can do you can do.
2. Don't ask questions before bidding. Ask after you've won. Then if the item isn't right, you can blame the seller.
3. Always expect your item to be new - especially in the Antiques and Vintage categories.
4. Delete everything in your inbox every night. This way you won't know where to send your payment.
5. Don't forget the ease of paying by credit card! Even if the seller doesn't take credit cards, you should pay with one. Then when your seller explains that it said in the auction s/he didn't take cc's, you can neg them for being unreasonable.
6. Contact your seller within three days of auction's end. If not, then 10. If not then, by the third week for sure. When the seller tells you s/he's resold the item, leave the seller a neg for being impatient.
7. If you're an aol user, make sure you register with that email account you have blocked to everyone except Mom. Then when your seller isn't responsive, you can neg them for not getting in touch with you.
8. Your seller lives on the Starship Enterprise. This means you should have your item within moments of paying for it - s/he will just beam it to you. If the postal service or UPS takes longer to deliver your item than five minutes, don't check the postmark, blame your seller! Left handed positive feedback works here: Great item! Great packing! Great price! Slow shipping.
9. Even though you haven't taken your measurements in 10 years and have stretched that size 12 into an 18, be sure to neg your seller when your clothing item doesn't fit.
10. Assume all sellers are crooks. The media has done lots of stories about online fraud. Even though your seller has been on BooBoo for three years and has 1200 positive feedbacks, they ARE going to rip you off for that $5.00 Beanie you just bought.
For new sellers, may we recommend the following:
1. Never ever state what your shipping will be. Let bidders guess. This leaves you room to bump your shipping on a two pound item to $10 because your auction didn't go as high as you thought it would because some folks didn't bid because you didn't list what your shipping would be.
2. See #1 for bidders. This applies to you too. This way you can list your items at $10 starting bid ($9.99 looks so tacky) and we'll get 55 cents instead of 30 cents from you.
3. Use catchy little descriptions like: The picture tells the whole story. Don't give measurements, maker, or condition. These facts are just a waste of your valuable time.
4. Use really colorful or moving backgrounds and loud music. This way, if you're selling garbage, you might get someone to bid just to stop the music from playing.
5. When shipping, make sure newsprint comes into contact with anything white. This will give the item a nice dirty vintage appearance. If using popcorn, make sure you skimp, so the item bangs around in the box. If it arrives broken, be sure to blame the PO, and demand that your buyer return the item 15 seconds after it's been received.
6. Make your terms of sale so unrealistic that only the bravest bidder will bid. Demand payment within 10 minutes of the end of your auction. Take only one form of payment - money order is best because it costs your buyer time and money, and you can delude yourself that Uncle Sam's never going to know you earn money selling online. Threaten negative feedback. Drone on endlessly about deadbeats.
7. Be sure to charge a $5 handling charge for something delivered in a 50 cent mailer. Don't mention this in your auction, as it will ruin the surprise.
8. Take really dark fuzzy pictures. This tip works really well with #3. Don't crop them either. You want your page to take a long time to load so the buyer doesn't have time to look at anyone else's stuff.
9. Take everything really personally. Leave nasty feedback. Write unprofessional emails. Call your customers names. Don't respond to their emails concerning delivery. BooBoo has found that not responding to emails has enabled us to cut customer service staff by almost 10% this year alone.
10. Always assume your buyer is lying. Never believe any excuse a buyer has for paying late. Every good buyer is really a deadbeat inside. Never EVER take personal checks because 90% of our registered users went and got a bogus checking account just so they could rip you off.
I enjoyed this so much when you originally posted it - very creative! After this weekend's closing auctions, I am convinced that I had several of the bidders you were describing!
Hopefully this will "bump" your thread back up for others to enjoy - and realize that they are not alone....
You brought back some memories. I've been
on BooBoo for about 3 years and you made me remember by first listing very well.
I figured the items I had for sale were
worth $10 so (being an idiot) that's what I set the price at. I guess I felt like I had too much money and wanted to waste it one quarter
at a time.
posted on September 9, 2001 07:24:31 AM
Sadie, I thought there wasn't a person on this earth who understood the frustrations of selling on ebay until I read your guidelines.
Now I think I am in love.
Are you single? <wink><grin>
Thanks for a wonderful boost to my spirits!
(Edited to make sure mods know this is a compliment, not a marriage proposal!)
[ edited by litlux on Sep 9, 2001 07:26 AM ]
posted on September 9, 2001 09:26:48 AM
Thank you all for your nice words!
I think the day I posted that was a day when I'd read about a gazillion complaints on the board, then I searched some things for me to buy and danged if the sellers weren't being as obnoxious as the buyers when it came to rules, lack of info, pic sizes, etc.
So I thought if I was going to piss and moan, I might as well do it all wrapped up purty in sarcasm.
Litlux, as someone once said, marriage is a great institution... I may try it again if I ever need one.
posted on September 9, 2001 02:16:57 PM
You left out an important one for bidders: When sending payment, do not include an item #, description of the item, your user ID, or your email address. Simply state "for ebay item". Your seller, (who sells about 200 different ebay items a week and asked in his EOA email to include the item # with payment),will have hours of fun going through his records trying to match up items that could even remotely be the one you are paying for. All sellers love to do this type of detective work, as they have nothing better to do. Better yet, let your 3 year old write your return address (preferably in Chinese). Sellers love trying to decipher your chicken scratch, which gives them even more pleasure when they have to go on the USPS website, and typing in various combinations of streets and zip codes, to come up with an actual address that looks something like the one on your envelope. Remember that a return address is not very important. After all, you already know where you live,and it is not unreasonable to expect the seller to already know where you live.
posted on September 9, 2001 04:01:20 PM
Here's another one for bidders: when writing a seller to inquire about an item, don't bother to include the item number or any identifying information about the item. This is why they put their email address in the description, so you don't have to bother with that pesky "ask seller a question" form.
Since the seller doesn't actually have a job, he or she will be delighted to give you additional information about every single item he or she is currently auctioning. That way you won't need to email again when you run across another auction by the same seller.
Of course, if you run across one of those sellers who are able to read your mind (and nearly all BooBoo sellers have this ability), you'll only get information about the one item you were originally interested in, but since you weren't really going to bid on any of their items, it doesn't matter.
posted on September 9, 2001 04:23:03 PM
And make sure you set your spam filter to maximum, so you can complain you didn't get an answer to your question.
posted on September 9, 2001 05:47:58 PM
HA HA HA! I LOVE this!
Thanks so much for sharing!
I would like to include this on my "Me" Page at the bottom if it is available for that with proper credit. Maybe others would to. Let us know.
~~~
People have have been including their additions. Here is mine.
~~~
Buyers:
New buyers should find a reputable seller and then ask lots of questions about how to bid and why this does that. Then win the competitor's auctions. The seller especially likes it when you pay more for both the auction AND the shipping. Bonus if competitor seller has more negative feedback.
Be sure to claim seller hasn't sent ANYTHING because surely seller doesn't keep copies of any of the communications they send. When the messages are forwarded to you claim it is all a lie.
If you send a check begin to ask after the third day if it has cleared yet. The seller has nothing better to do than check his or her bank account for your payment. Be sure to point out if it has cleared on your end because your word is all the seller needs.
Try sending the payment from a third party that seller doesn't have a clue about. Of course this only works if you don't include any other information about the auction. This is especially fun if you have won two or more auctions so that the seller can't guess based on the total sent. Alternative is to send for the incorrect amount.
Start demanding the day after you send your payment to know why the package hasn't arrived yet.
Don't indicate, if there is a shipping option which one you would prefer. Let the seller guess. It's more FUN!
Don't include shipping charges. You have paid enough for the item as it is. Seller should be happy with that.
Ask if the $2 shipping charge is for overnight delivery.
Decline the insurance and then threaten the seller with any number of things when item shows up broken.
Or, as an alternative leave the worse feedback you can imagine claiming fraud and worse insult the seller's mother before contacting seller about your concern.
Don't keep any copies of your correspondance with seller so you can claim that you tried several times to contact seller but seller didn't respond. When seller asks you to forward these messages you won't have to outright refuse because you don't keep any messages. Your word is enough.
Whatever you do don't let the seller know it arrived safely.
Make sure the first time the seller hears from you is the negative you leave him or her three months after the auction ended for leaving a negative for you when you didn't respond or pay for that which you bid.
Sign up the horrible seller for every porn spam you can.
Sign up the good seller for every email list and chain letter you can.
Sellers:
Assume in your title that bidders are finding your auction by category only so they don't need to know superfluous things like size, format, etc.
Make sure your auction title and description don't match.
Make description as brief as possible or better yet don't include one at all. You don't want to waste anyone's time.
If you include a description afterall, especially if it is a really long one, remember the bigger the font (lettering) the better.
As an alternative to showing a blurry, dark picture from far away (make sure the sun or bright light is in the background - it is really good to hang item in a window), only show a partial picture. If a bidder is buying a shirt or dress he or she really only cares about the collar.
When responding to a question from a possible bidder be sure to delete any information that might actually relate to the item. The last thing you want is for that bidder to be able to find your item again to bid on it or for that matter have any idea what you are talking about.
Get snippy when someone asks you a question. Tell them it is in the description but don't check first to see if it really is.
Be sure to exclude ANYONE with negative feedback of any kind regardless of amount of positive from bidding on your auctions. Bidders especially like this if you have negative feedback yourself.
Don't include your address with your end-of-auction notice. No one who sends you money needs to have any idea where you are located. The address will be on the package.
Wait to leave feedback until your bidder leaves feedback for you. Then if it is negative immediatly leave a negative for the bidder no matter how well the transaction went until then. Better yet, if the bidder doesn't leave you feedback assume the bidder never paid for the auction and leave appropriate feedback for a deadbeat. When bidder send Visa statement claim it is their fault for not leaving you positive feedback so you knew the auction was paid for.
Be sure to respond to a negative on your feedback with derogatory statements like "Idiot" "Bonehead" "Stupid" "Jerk" and many, many other classic putdowns. This intices other bidders see what you will say about them.
For both seller and buyer: Don't ever let the other party know you might appreciate them.
posted on September 9, 2001 06:44:04 PM
Always use catchy words in your title, ie:
LQQK, MINTY or AlTeRnAtE CaSeS or lots of **********, & if you sell clothing, NEVER EVER list the size in the title!
posted on September 9, 2001 10:24:18 PM
nanandme - TRAINING?
I wouldn't wish either these bidders or sellers on anyone.
Yet I can tell you this... I have dealt with them all (that I have listed) and then some. The seller who told me she didn't need to give me her address because it would be on the package was a (4) and she told me I was the MOST difficult person she had ever dealt with. I told her she better quit now. I do think it is funny that these B&S think since it hasn't happened before it shouldn't be happening now.
Thanks for the encouragement. I am glad that someone is getting some enjoyment out of my pain. I think sadie999 is genius for coming up with the idea.
Here are some more...
Both seller and bidder:
Start off all correspondence including the auction description with a threat. Puts everything on the right foot.
Send large emails preferably with HUGE attachments. If you are the bidder include a picture of the item you just won. If you are the seller include a screen capture of the auction. Or include a picture for your signature. At the very least use lots of HTML to give your emails heft.
Seller:
Dont use paragraphs <p>.
If you do include any information that might make the auction go smoother afterwards like payments accepted and shipping prices hide it in your description or use very small type.
Consider using private auctions so know one will know if you are shilling the auctions.
When sending the EOA notice email put only "eBay Item" in the subject header. Inside state: "You won my auction. The total is $x.xx to be sent to:" Do not include the title of the auction, the item number or your eBay user name.
Bidder:
Email seller during the auction (at least two or three days before the end) and ask the seller if he or she might have two of the item up for auction because you have two kids and tell the seller you would be happy to buy both for the current price. Sellers who start auctions at a penny really like this.
When seller declines your offer respond that seller is selfish, that you have sold things on eBay and you are not trying to make any money on eBay by sticking to people, if seller doesn't want to accept current price why does seller start the auctions out at prices lower than seller would like to get? Finish the email up with a remark about answering to God. Sellers with names like "dharma" are especially open to this form of communication.
Send a third party check.
Ask for change.
~~~~~
On another note:
eBay specifically asks that Asterisks ( * ) and Quotation Marks ( " ) not be used in titles as it interferes with search. Don't know that anyone else has read that.
Edited because I don't know how I ended up with a smiley face in the middle of my sentence so I added a little.
[ edited by another_smith on Sep 9, 2001 10:55 PM ]
posted on September 10, 2001 03:52:18 AManother_smith - I think my comments might have come across wrong, and I apologize. I am not finding any enjoyment in your pain in dealing with difficult buyers and sellers. You hit the nail on the head with the descriptions you posted, and I could identify with nearly all your "buyer" comments!
I surely wouldn't wish these buyers on anyone either. I originally "bumped" this thread back up because I thought Sadie did an excellent job initiating this subject. I read and learn a lot from these boards, and really appreciated what Sadie was saying in such an original and creative manner. Lately the boards have reflected a wave of issues with buyers, and I thought this was a refreshing approach to which we could all relate. And I just happened to relate especially well to yours...
posted on September 10, 2001 04:36:25 AM
I think that for the most part, eBusiness is relatively new for a lot of us. Add to that the fact that eBay is a relatively inexpensive way to get started, and just being in business is new for a lot of us.
Now add antsy/nervous/weird/anonymous buyers to the mix, and you're bound to have some problems. I think some folks just take it all too personally.
My first few months on eBay, I was on late payers like flies on poop. Now, depending on their feedback, I send a quick note reminding them (if they have very low feedback, I sometimes skip this). If no response, NPBA, 10 days later FVF credit. Then relist or stick it in a b&m. You know what? Just tonight, all of my Accts Rec are totally current and all for just auctions that ended last night. So, worrying didn't getting me any better results than being laid back does.
As to the complainers. I've taken the approach that I just thank them for their concerns, offer them the option of cancelling the transaction, and since most don't cancel, all goes well. If they do want to cancel, and they've been even moderately reasonable (i.e. calmed down after they saw that my responses will NEVER show anger), I even file FVF cr's using the option, that buyer & seller agreed to cancel the transaction, so they don't get hassled by eBay.
Everyone brings certain strengths to their business. I think the best thing I had going for me when I started (aside from a filing system I still use) was something that I'd learned in Korporate Amerika: how to tell someone to f*** themselves without them really understanding that's what you've done.
After about two years, I still feel like a new seller sometimes and still have tons to learn. But I'm getting there.
posted on September 10, 2001 04:42:26 AM
nanandme
I am the one who owes the apology. I think it is funny. I love the idea of the facetious set of rules. When you write out your frustrations this way you can laugh about it even though you thought about hurting people when it happened. That is why I am glad even though it was "pain" when it happened now we are getting laughs and finding that others go through the same thing. I think it helps.
I sincerely and really do hope you are getting enjoyment from it.
And I did really appreciate your comments and encouragement.
I do think it is funny to think that these guys and gals had any training. This isn't how I would send them out into the world. However, maybe we can wish them on each other.
I want to hear more from others.
[ edited by another_smith on Sep 10, 2001 04:47 AM ]
posted on September 10, 2001 06:54:04 PManother_smith...
okay, my time to share: this past weekend I had two different buyers that got really obnoxious about s/h fees [u]after[/u]the auction ended and I sent EOA confirmations. All my auctions state "buyer pays s/h" and also has the s/h listed in the item description. One is threatening me with a negative if I a)don't ship a Hanes size large heavyweight sweatshirt for $2.00 or $2.50 (what she "usually pays" or b)don't release her from her obligation without leaving her negative feedback for not completing transaction.
Now today I receive this email:
"I am writing this for my Mother. She is in Calif. having surgery. She wanted me to write to you and say that she is very sorry for not getting back to you. She says to please ask you to please just relist the XXXXXX so you can get your money out of it. She says that if she was able she would contact you herself. Agian I am sorry for the incoveince she has caused you. If you have any questions please feel free to E-mail me at my mom's E-mail address.
posted on September 11, 2001 03:11:37 AM
Now today I receive this email:
"I am writing this for my Mother. She is in Calif. having surgery. She wanted me to write to you and say that she is very sorry for not getting back to you. She says to please ask you to please just relist the XXXXXX so you can get your money ...
~~~~~
I'm sorry nanandme.
I wish I had an answer for this one. You want to be compasionate if it is real but you probably feel you are being played and you resent ever being played because now you doubt any story like this but at the same time... Are they doing this to everyone? I guess the good news is you were contacted. The bad news is no matter how you handle it you eat the listing fees and time it took to list and now list again. I always consider a NPB to be like someone who takes the item off your store shelf and walks around the store with it for a long time before putting it back.
The other one is just annoying. I guess if you look on the bright side, she is honestly annoying and not just sending you a dollar less.
I asked once after winning an auction if the seller was willing to consider Media Mail rather than Priority and was read (or typed) the riot act. I didn't think it would hurt to ask and since the seller seemed to sell mostly clothes I thought there was a possibility that she might not know about Media Mail (I didn't understand bookrate for a long time when I started selling). I was willing to accept whatever she wished but I think the seller was gearing up for a bidder like yours who claims she only ever pays $2.50.
Have you checked either's bidding history? Sometimes that will help you decide how to proceed.
Just when you think you have heard it all...
Another round of auctions end.
~~~~~
On another note... I have been enlightened as to the mysteriously appearing smiley faces. Would seem this board is based on a windows format so if you type something that could be interpreted by a Bill Gates software to be an EMOTICON like a quotation mark followed by a paragraph it will convert it for you. Isn't that special? MSWord often makes changes for me too and I always scream, "NO *#&% DON'T THINK FOR ME! I know what I want! Reminds me of eBay's new mandatory sign-in.
or b)don't release her from her obligation without leaving her negative feedback for not completing transaction.