posted on October 13, 2002 11:36:00 AM
My partner and I were talking about this shortly before he left for Maui.
As some know, I do a lot of volume on eBay. Most of these purchases are less than $20. I have very simple but rigid rules. I don't bend them for anybody.
I keep getting mail from women buyers who think they are special and the exception to any rules. (Never have I gotten one from a man, and I do have quite a few male customers.) On being told politely that the terms of service are as stated in the auction -- period -- they get all huffy and try to make it personal. They write that their feelings are hurt, that I'm awful to be so rude to them, etc. It doesn't matter *how* I word the response that the rules are the rules, the blowback is the same. You hurt me. I'm pouting. You meanie. I hate you.
I was telling my partner that as far as I can see, this is a uniquely female mode of communication. He agreed. Men don't complain to each other that their feelings are hurt, or expect to gain an advantage by doing so. I went on to speculate that since I am a woman, perhaps I should remove my real name from correspondence and just use my nom de eBay, which is masculine. He thinks that might be worth a try.
So we'll see if the whiners and pouters respond differently when they perceive the party on the other end is a man.
What has your experience been? Do you have more selling problems with one gender or the other?
posted on October 13, 2002 12:12:33 PM
most of the problems I have had have been with women...I am a woman...they think whining and demanding will get them everything.
My first neg was from a woman who bought an item "worn by a 3 year old" because it was not NEW IN THE PACKAGE!!!
posted on October 13, 2002 12:47:13 PM
rariffle: Yikes. Such people don't want to deal with things as they are, they want to deal with it as they think it should be.
In other words, even though you said in the auction it was worn by a 3 year old, it should have been new in the package because that's what she wanted.
posted on October 13, 2002 01:35:31 PM
I have had no problems with either male or female buyers. I have had the same amount as NPB (2). I have rules but I do bend them if they want the postage changed to Parcel Post from Priority (no big deal). Most men pay by PayPal. Most Women pay by check. I except either way. I give them the check option because some women don't go out of the house or as one put it I just had a baby and it would be more convenient to pay by check.
posted on October 13, 2002 02:15:52 PMHey Fluffy I would have gone to Maui.
Not on this trip, you wouldn't.
A bunch of buddies go over there every year to dive. One of 'em owns a condo, so they stay free. I don't do scuba (I'm asthmatic), so there's not much for me to do.
Maui is the land of $50 t-shirts, so let's just say the shopping opportunities...aren't.
When the guys are done with their diving for the day, they come back to the condo and watch TV all night. If they're feeling particularly festive, they might go to Longs Drug and buy a new pair of flipflops. Or they sit around the condo with their laptops logged in to the Internet. Might as well be home.
Me, I'll stay here, take care of the cats, and get lots more jewelry listed. My bidders are buying for Christmas now...
posted on October 13, 2002 02:30:57 PM
It has been proven that in any industry that serves the public that the most complaints and problems come from the female species. It is because they tend to take things more emotionally and personally than men.
Don't take me wrong, I'm not "picking" on women, but stating the facts from my experience in the computer customer service industry (help desk) and from polls that have been conducted through out the U.S.
Try as you may to give logical explaination to a women who has perceived a wrong done to her and no matter what you say will be received the wrong way.
posted on October 13, 2002 06:38:00 PM
In general I find women are more emotional customers. For better or for worse. They have more problems, but they also leave better feedback when they are satisfied.
posted on October 13, 2002 06:40:21 PM
bear1949: Believe it or not, I had never heard that before. I worked in customer service for a number of years (well, IT actually, but it's all customer service) and the only time I had profanity spewed at me it came from a woman.
I'm going to see if I can find some books on customer service. If I get any good tips I'll pass them along. I'm pretty sure there's more to CS than just "give the customer what she wants".
posted on October 13, 2002 06:43:39 PMThey have more problems, but they also leave better feedback when they are satisfied.
Those are two sides of the same coin, aren't they? I know what you mean about feedback; sometimes the praise is so lavish it seems out of proportion to the actual transaction.
posted on October 13, 2002 07:05:33 PM
To relate one incident, I took a call from a young woman that was interning at a major oil company in the Houston, TX area telling me that the floppy drive on the new computer I had just installed was defective.
I explained to her that while it was a possibility, I doubted it was, since I had just completed installing several software packages not 15 minutes prior to her call.
I was told I didn't know what I was talking about since she was a computer science major & knew what she was talking about.
Told her I would see her in 10 minutes. Went to her location, inserted a diskette of mine into the floppy drive & it was read with no problem.
I asked to see the diskette she was having trouble & found the problem immediately. When she had placed the label on the 3 1/2" diskette it had covered the shutter.
When I pointed out the problem (while hiding a major grin), she became very "huffy" & I was told that wasn't the problem & I must have swapped out her diskette with another one.
Just would not / could not admit to the error. To the day she left to go back to school she still cattied a "grudge" against me for pointing out her error.
I had male users that would make a error similar to that & would laugh it off and even remind me of the problem the next time I talked to them....
posted on October 13, 2002 10:23:04 PM
On eBay I deal mainly with women – on a niche auction, and via one of our web sites, my customers are 99% male.
By and large, I found after a number of years, that women are a bit more difficult to deal with at times, but by and large I’ve had a great deal more problems in dealing with men. Men can become aggressive, pushy, and often lie, more than women. Fortunately I have a “switch hitter” first name, and my clients can’t tell if I am male or female. Occasionally, if a man gets seriously pushy, I’ll inform him that I am female, and he becomes a pussy cat....
I do like the fact that my male customers spend a great deal more than the female of the species!
In face to face sales at our shop, I prefer to deal with men 10 to 1 over women. So many of our female customers seem to have a major problem in making decisions, and as someone else said, they all want “special” considerations, I’m not real good at baby sitting customers and “charming” them.
Needless to say, I seldom work in floor sales at the shop, that just isn’t my bailey wicket. In person, my husband can charm the women, and shoot the bull with the men equally well, it just isn’t my gift, so he handles the shop – you can read my face too easy....
I like the computer, you can't see my face or hear me, when I read a customer’s stupid e-mail, asking me, after they just wrote me, to send them my e-mail address!!!! Yes, that is the truth, I’ve had 2 of those lately – fortunately they couldn’t hear or see me when I read that!!
posted on October 14, 2002 12:07:46 AM
fluffie, I didn't bother to read all of the reports you have received. My answer is: use a male ID as you suggested. It has been my experience in the retail business as well as on eBay that women think that they can get a better deal from a feminine.
posted on October 14, 2002 07:03:17 AM
How about grannies? They must get at least a little more slack that the average ebay user.
"Granny's having a bad day. She forgot where she left her teeth."
posted on October 14, 2002 07:07:35 AMand as someone else said, they all want “special” considerations
You mean like this?
"I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side, and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it, if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real; if it's out of the can then nothing."
posted on October 14, 2002 08:46:54 AM
Speaking of names in general. Being a female, when I was born I was given a very feminine name. When I grew up, I wasn’t fond of the name, but used it for 40+ years. Then I remarried, and my husband (long story) started calling me a nick-name he evolved. Initially, I never thought about it being or not being feminine. Over the years, now, EVERYONE, calls me by the nick-name, which I truly like. Finally, only people from my distant past called me by my legal name. About 8 years ago, I legally added the “nick-name” to my legal names, so I could sign checks with it, etc. BUT, in the 20+ years now of using the “nick-name” I realized that it was a “switch hitter,” name, like Courtney, Alex, etc., one couldn’t tell whether I was male or female, and I have found it works much better than a clearly female name. It gets more attention, and I definitely have less problems with vendors, when writing or e-mailing, as they seem to presume I am a guy! I only tell those I correspond with, that I am female, when it is to my benefit!
If I were young and starting a family and had daughters, I’d definitely give them gender neutral names – it definitely empowers them.
posted on October 14, 2002 09:17:17 AM
Have you noticed the sex difference of drivers in a crowded parking lot. The female drivers tend to be ruthless in their pursuit of an open parking space while the males ( older males anyway ) tend to yield the spots to drive another day rather than risk life and limb to attain a parking space.
While watching the Discovery channel they had a show about gender differences in animals and their different roles. The birds were interesting because the males in most animal species are colorful and the females drab looking but that is designed for protecting the young of the mated couples. When danger comes the colorful male risks his life to draw predators away from the nesting area. The drab colored female is able to hide better at the nest because of their unspectatular colors.
As the French say "Viva la Differance!"
posted on October 14, 2002 09:49:45 AM
If men take control of a situation they are noted for their authority and strength. If a woman does the same thing she is accused of being a b$tch.
I find many women are more indecisive when purchasing and some need reassurance that they are buying the right article.
Women "browse" and waste time more than men.
Women are more whiney when they return items and they return them more often than men.
I also find that many deadbeat females lead the seller on and make excuses whereas males tend to just drop out of sight.
Many women are kind of catty also. I prefer my male customers and I have more male friends. I have always found them more trusting.
For awhile I did an experiment when buying on ebay and I pretended to be a male bidder. The women treated me very well.
posted on October 14, 2002 11:00:08 AM
[i]If men take control of a situation they are noted for their authority and strength. If a woman does the same thing she is accused
of being a b$tch.[/i]
Batch? Botch? Butch?
No, I've heard that before and I think there's some truth to it, but for a reason: You can't play Miss Oh-You-Big-Strong-Man-You one day and Ms. I'll-Open-My-Own-Damn-Door the next without people noticing. And I think that even females who believe they are assertive use feminine communication in situations that don't require assertiveness. Imagine how confused a guy is when Ms. I'll-Open-My-Own-Door says what she really wants in bed is to lie back and be ravished.
posted on October 14, 2002 11:08:18 AMI also find that many deadbeat females lead the seller on and make excuses
Yeah, I'd have to agree with that too. It's always puzzled me. I mean, why bother? Some of my female deadbeats have done the most elaborate email dances you can imagine. And I wonder why.
All I can think is that despite their bad behavior, they still want to be liked. As if the approval of a stranger means much...
posted on October 14, 2002 11:23:39 AM
Yes, I can open my own door but I can also lie back and be ravished just as easily if that is what I wish.
Are women manipulative? Of course we are.
Too many times there are generalizations made about the two sexes.
I have also met whiney men in my shop and also wimpy men, some of them are just as frustrating to wait on as the indecisive female. Also the macho type male who thinks he's god's gift to women, has anyone ever had to wait on one of them?
posted on October 14, 2002 12:41:32 PM
You always see in a war movie a bunch of guys in a foxhole and a handgrenade comes rolling in ready to kill them all. There is always someone ready to jump on that grenade to save the lives of his commrades. For some reason I think if there were only female soldiers in that foxhole there would be less candidates willing to jump on that grenade. It's not that they are cowards or anything but it is not in their psychological makeup to give up their life for the other soldiers. They would gladly do it if it were their children in the foxhole though.
Bash me, I deserve it.
posted on October 14, 2002 01:08:13 PM
In over 2,500 sales, only had one complaint about postage. A male buyer of a trading card said when I state "buyer pays actual postage", that does not include envelope etc, postage only. He left feedback "great item, great value, great postal rate"!!!
posted on October 14, 2002 01:45:38 PM
That's a very good feedback though. I have to admit, some of those trading card buyers are the cheapest people on the face of the earth.
posted on October 14, 2002 02:01:40 PM
I really don't notice much difference in quanity other than woman do play the guilt trip more often. I once canceled a bid, and I got the email, "How dare you take advantage of an old woman."
Another woman claims she sent me a check, I didn't receive it. She hounded me for a month saying she has a kid, and she doesn't have a lot of money, and that I scammed her. I tried real hard to get this settled but she never cooperated and just kept spewing out her sad stories.
