fluffythewondercat
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posted on January 27, 2003 10:09:45 PM
My girlfriend, who lives in another state, has been somewhat of a Luddite about the Internet the last decade or so. Just recently (unbeknownst to me) her hubby's ancient Mac was treated to a faster modem, so now she's finally online.
First thing she does is start bidding on my auctions. Note that I did not say the first thing she did was TELL ME she was online and bidding on my auctions. No, I didn't find that out until she was well into discovering how this proxy bidding thing works.
I was feeling pretty uneasy about this. For one thing, neither family or friends have ever bid on my auctions in six years on eBay.
Then, a few days ago, Girlfriend gets into a bidding war with one of my best customers over my best piece of merchandise. GF comes out on top at about four times as much as I'd expected to get.
Today I get a card and a check in the mail for $1000, which far exceeds her total to date. She wants me to hold the remainder on account for her so she won't have to mail payments all the time. OK, I can do that, but this all still feels weird.
Do you have friends bidding on your stuff? Has it ever turned out badly?
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Roadsmith
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posted on January 27, 2003 10:31:15 PM
Well, let's look on the plus side! Your friend is a Known Quantity, and You Know Where To Find Her. I think it's great that she wants what you're selling--unless, for some reason, you suspect she's doing it for you out of charity? Otherwise, be happy; you've made another satisfied customer.
On the other hand, money in advance wouldn't make me comfortable; I'd return the extra right away.
Make sure she knows about feedback. . . .
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kamdens
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posted on January 28, 2003 02:04:12 AM
DID YOU SAY YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S HUBBY???
AND YOUR UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT WHAT!?
I GUESS I DONT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SELLING, BUT EITHER SHE LIKES IT OR IS BIDDING TO HELP YOU OUT?? BECAUSE WHY IS SHE 'PLANNING' ON HAVING TO KEEP SENDING CHECKS??
IT IS WEIRD TO ME
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rarriffle
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posted on January 28, 2003 02:22:16 AM
the quickest way to break up any friendship is to put money in the mix...what happens if she is unhappy with an item? what if her hubby wants her to get her money back, or doesn't know she is spending this amount of money?
I think I would be very uncomfortable too. and if she puts the wrong wording in her feedback to you it could look like shill bidding.
you have done nothing wrong, but i can understand your wariness over this
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neglus
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posted on January 28, 2003 05:18:09 AM
Maybe a solution to your problem is to say you had no idea that she was collecting/interested in those widgets and ask her to tell you what exactly she is looking for so you can let her know when you find something along those lines and offer them to her outside of eBay for a fair market value (I certainly don't think selling to an old friend outside of eBay would be breaking any rules). AS an old friend you might tell her the ins and outs of ebay...like don't get into a bidding war too early to avoid escalating the price beyond reason. After all this has been said you could also tell her that once an item is placed on eBay you have no other option than to treat her like any other customer. If she continues to bid on your items then it looks to me like you have a "new" best customer! Unless you know that she has marital and or financial problems etc or is a "spendacholic" I don't think I would worry about the husband..she is a grown up and maybe feels comfortable buying from someone she can trust until she gets her eBay feet wet. Just some thoughts...closest I've come to selling to a friend is to sell an item to a lady who lives 3 blocks from me and I thought that was fun!
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fluffythewondercat
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posted on January 28, 2003 06:19:05 AM
the quickest way to break up any friendship is to put money in the mix...what happens if she is unhappy with an item? what if her hubby wants her to get her money back, or doesn't know she is spending this amount of money?
Exactly. I couldn't have said it better.
[ edited by fluffythewondercat on Jan 28, 2003 06:19 AM ]
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shop4shoes
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posted on January 28, 2003 06:31:37 AM
[i]the quickest way to break up any
friendship is to put money in the mix[/i]
Fluffy, you are obviously uncomfortable with the situation. Think of a tactful (did I just say tactful!) way to tell her your concerns.
As for holding the money, I would be very leery of that.
None of my family or friends know my ebay ids. I am very glad of that fact.
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jensmome
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posted on January 28, 2003 08:03:36 AM
This sounds dangerously close to ending badly. If you really are friends, she'll understand and accept your discomfort about selling to her on eBay. Then you can both work out a solution.
Keep us posted.
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bowtiefifty
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posted on January 28, 2003 08:27:05 AM
Never do business with a friends or family.
I've had friends and family both ask my ebay id and I politely refuse. I don't need them snooping around my business.
I've also had both ask me to sell something for them. I politely point them to the tutorals on ebay.
Doing business with friends or family is like stepping on chewing gum and trying to get it off your shoe gracefully.
In the OP's case, this could be a sticky problem. You may have to either fish or cut bait. I think I would be tempted to block the person's bidding id and explain that your policy is not to do business with friends.
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Dejapooh
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posted on January 28, 2003 08:39:39 AM
"I love you too much as a friend to risk business coming between us." Then email her auctions that may be of interest to her and be as helpful as possible. I personally doubt that this would end badly as it is. She didn't seem to have a problem buying from you at an inflated price. She didn't hold it against you. She didn't expect a discount. It sounds to me as if she is level headed and understanding of your roll as a seller and her roll as a buyer and the differences between that and your rolls as friends. However, since you are obviously uncomfortable about this, I would call her on the phone and talk about it.
They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. B. Franklin
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kiara
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posted on January 28, 2003 08:43:25 AM
I would feel very uncomfortable if a friend put me in this position, especially if they are new to ebay. Too many things could go wrong and if her husband and her disagree about how the money is being spent, (or even if dinner goes wrong some evening) you may get the blame in the end.
Selling off-ebay to her sounds good but she will enjoy bidding much more as it is the thrill of the chase for her.
She may bid higher because she is a "friend" and she may have good intentions but like others say, when you mix business with friendship many times it does not work out.
I would thank her for her bids and then tell her because of ebay's rules about shill bidding you are unable to continue with the arrangement in case someone construes it that way and it may risk your business. If she's a good friend she will hopefully understand.
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revvassago
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posted on January 28, 2003 08:46:22 AM
[ edited by revvassago on Jan 28, 2003 08:46 AM ]
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dacreson
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posted on January 28, 2003 08:57:33 AM
the quickest way to break up any friendship is to put money in the mix...
Wow no wonder so many marrages go south!
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aladdinsgenie
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posted on January 28, 2003 09:14:18 AM
Just a thought...
If you owned a "regular" store would you tell them they can't come in and buy something?
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bowtiefifty
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posted on January 28, 2003 09:29:00 AM
alladins - not at all, but at a regular store, they can't just walk in and start looking at my books either. On ebay, they can click on my user id and start snooping around with what I've been selling. A number of things I sell on ebay come from stupid gifts from relatives. I don't need them checking my auctions and seeing that I just sold that "lovely" picture frame they gave me for Xmas.
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kiara
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posted on January 28, 2003 09:32:29 AM
Bidding on ebay can't be compared to a real life store. In a regular store the prices are put right on the item and they don't go higher.
I cut my friends deals in my store but none of them give me extra money to keep "on hold" for future purchases.
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pclady
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posted on January 28, 2003 09:37:09 AM
Some of my best customers are my friends. I love that they are supporting me in my endeavors and not buying the same stuff from a stranger.
If they choose to bid on Ebay I wouldn't stop them. A sale is a sale. The extra money sent can be treated like a gift certificate to be used by a certain date. When that date arrives, just return any unused amounts.
I don't see the problem here. What my friends spend their money on is their business, not mine.
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bowtiefifty
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posted on January 28, 2003 09:38:37 AM
I've got a butthead brother-in-law who pi*ses away most of his income, but thinks I'm loaded because I'm careful with my money and drive a nice car and own my own home. He still rents, probably always will. He manages to get his remarks in about "you can afford that, you're sitting on a pot full of money, etc etc" His hand is always the last one to reach for a check at a dinner out.
He's the last person I need checking my auctions or even buying from me.
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fluffythewondercat
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posted on January 28, 2003 09:46:03 AM
Wow. There are some great thought-provoking comments here.
If you owned a "regular" store would you tell them they can't come in and buy something?
My brother-in-law quit the Postal Service to open a small independent bookstore in a strip mall. Being avid readers, we naturally wanted to buy from him if we could. We assumed he would welcome our business.
We found that he was not all that happy to see us. Further, most friends&family who frequented the store expected a discount, though we did not.
He went under in less than a year, unable to compete with the "super" book stores like Crown Books.
A number of things I sell on ebay come from stupid gifts from relatives.
I have a very private seller id I use for this exact same purpose. No one knows it, not even my partner.
What my friends spend their money on is their business, not mine.
That's a good point. You're absolutely right.
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trai
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posted on January 28, 2003 10:37:15 AM
Fluffy
Might be best to just sent the rest of the dollars back and explain to her to just sent payment when she gets your end of auction notice.
You are not a bank for your friend. The trap here is that you will think that she will use this money to keep bidding, but what happens if one day you say to yourself I have an extra bill to pay and use this money and then she changes her mind and wants the funds returned.
This would put you between a rock and a hard place.
Other than that, let her bid her heart out.
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ahc3
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posted on January 28, 2003 11:03:08 AM
It could be worse, she could say I will pay you later or something like that. I've had clients (not auction though) send me a larger amount upfront to prepay for consulting services. I'm fine with that, it is business (none were family or friends though) - If you feel really uncomfortable, why not give her the option of buying from you off ebay?
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kiara
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posted on January 28, 2003 11:23:38 AM
You know your friend better than we do.
You say you are feeling uneasy, that it seems weird, that she bid four times what you expected to get and that she sent a substantial amount of money upfront. These are all warning signs that things "could" go wrong.
If she looks at future auctions and realizes that she may have paid four times too much will she be able to accept that? Or did she bid that high to "help you out" or to "prove" what a good friend she is?
This whole deal depends a lot on the mentality of the friend and how much money she has to spend. It could work out just fine with some and with others it could turn out for the worst.
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