posted on April 29, 2008 05:45:00 AM
Got this in my mail this morning and it made me smile (sorry for the OT thread but the RT still scares me).
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut (!), it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'niture.
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
posted on April 29, 2008 07:44:45 AM
[I]For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut (!), it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required. [/I]
LOL...with 3 cats and a dog, one is never alone in the bathroom in this house!
___________________________________
posted on April 29, 2008 09:43:56 AM
ROFL. This is soooo good! I'm saving it to send all my pet-loving friends. I also bring things like this along on car trips to read to DH. And. . . I have a hard-copy file of "funny stuff" that I'm saving in case I'm bedridden for a while with something not-nice. Laughter is, of course, the best medicine.
_____________________
posted on April 29, 2008 10:50:51 AM
But they cant help you when you become old and feeble-they cant send you a check each month if needed,they cant be your caregiver when you are disabled and they sure cant visit you in the nursing home or bury you when the final days come.
They sure cant put flowers on your grave.
*
Lets all stop whining !
posted on April 29, 2008 12:07:01 PMBut they cant help you when you become old and feeble
I am not raising my children to become a burden to them
they cant send you a check each month if needed
I pay my own way ~ always have, always will. I dont expect my children to support me!
they cant be your caregiver when you are disabled
why would I want my child to be my caregiver?
and they sure cant visit you in the nursing home or bury you when the final days come.
Shall I have my kids go get their shovels? Dogs are typically better at digging holes!
They sure cant put flowers on your grave.
Who would want anyone to spend the money on flowers for them when they are DEAD?
I cant stand the waste of money when I'm alive!
posted on April 29, 2008 03:06:00 PM
Zoomin, I was with you all the way, until the part about flowers. They can be a lovely thing (while you're alive). I intend to follow in my father's footsteps (!well, you know what I mean!) and reverse the situation; his ashes are in my sister's garden, helping push up the plants and flowers.
posted on April 29, 2008 04:02:06 PM
hwahwa - they may not be able to do any of the things you listed but they will love you and mourn you more than any human being is capable of.
posted on April 30, 2008 11:47:28 AM
cash:
Cut flowers have always seemed like a waste to me ~ they stink up the water and then die.
I've never quite understood them as a thing of beauty, they depress me!
Flowering plants, on the other hand, live on and if anyone wants to pretty up my headstone with them, go for it!
I love that your dad's in the garden ~ it must be a very warm and comforting place to go!
hwahwa:
does your post reflect your feeling on the topic or was it an exaggeration?
Children should pay their parents bills and change their diapers?
The daffodils I have in my house right now were going to die anyway, but their colleagues will be back next spring. There are enough in the garden that they won't be missed.
posted on April 30, 2008 12:48:34 PM
Daffodils are so pretty! Very unique looking flower!
I understand cutting them from the garden before they die, bringing their beauty inside makes perfect sense.
I dont understand *buying* cut flowers!
Like roses ~ they are beautiful when they open but freak me out when they break their necks and their head just falls to the side ~ creepy!
To me, roses belong in the garden ~ when they 'pass' and the petals fall off naturally it doesn't bother me at all!
(I never said I didn't have 'issues'!)
