posted on August 3, 2000 05:43:25 AM new
I'll be a bit more direct in my comments this morning since I wasn't really understood that well last night.
BE CAREFUL ON ANY AUCTION CHAT BOARD.
There are some users, even current AW members, that will stop at nothing to criticize and destroy people at other auction boards. That includes insults of all types, slander, posting private email messages, harassment and more.
Don't kid yourself. Even some of the people who are nice here at AW, some of the people you might interact with everyday under one name are posting elsewhere under another name, and under second or third or fourth name, they are performing "hatchet jobs" on the most personal aspects of the same individuals they interact with here. Oh, but they're nice right?
I've been the target lately. It started a few months ago, and believe me the people I thought were my friends, well, they weren't. Don't believe the denials when people claim they aren't posting at "that" board and how awful it is. B***S***. Rest assured they are posting there and they're worse than the people they look down at. It's a game to see how many people they can destroy and put another notch in their chat board belt. No one is safe from this kind of behavior.
Don't even try to figure out who I'm talking about. They know who they are. I know too. Oh, everyone will deny it, some may even post in sympathy to this thread. It's part of their cover to be nice here, I don't believe it for a minute. I hope you don't either. Be careful.
Who will be the next target? Actually the pattern isn't too hard to figure out. If you get popular at all and are nice to people in general, watch out for those who try to "draw you out" and get a lot of info about you or get close. In their sick twisted minds they are just gathering information and possibly emails to use against you later in their revengeful vindictive venomous despicable attack.
If you're nice to people on the boards, eventually either you're nice to a person (or that person is nice to you) who happens to be on someone else's BAD PERSON LIST. Then you become the target too. Some posters that have been around for a while have a list of grudges or sins or feuds a mile long. Most of these old problems are from boards now defunct that I never went to or posted at. Doesn't matter to them - the wrong person is kind to me, or me to them. I now became a target too.
It can happen to you too, several people have said "don't get too popular" and in fact it was said to me as a warning by someone here.
I started to post at another smaller board mainly to get away from the harassment by an individual here who is either afraid to go there or whatever, has often stated they won't go there. Even that little corner of space on the Internet is too much for some people to allow me I guess. The harassment continued on multiple sites and has spread to sites I don't even go to. I'm just the latest example that this has happened to, nothing special about me, it can happen to anyone, even you.
Speaking the truth as you see it can get you targeted too. Believe it, that's part of why I'm targeted.
The games go on.
To my friends, and they know who they are, I sincerely wish you well. To those who harass others, I wish you could know that the pain you cause others is also poisoning your own life.
posted on August 3, 2000 06:23:22 AM new
is that funny Femme? personally my offline life really doesn't have the all-round viciousness as I've seen demonstrated on the auction chat boards.
your experience however may be different.
edited to correct my grammar.
[ edited by LadyofLake on Aug 3, 2000 06:24 AM ]
posted on August 3, 2000 06:31:14 AM newLadyofLake - at the risk of anyone thinking I am from the "other board" - I raise my coffee cup to you. Both for your first post, and for your response to femme. Truth is, the closest example to these boards in real life was junior high school.
Nice to see you, Lady. Don't let the bastards drive you away too. Please.
posted on August 3, 2000 06:34:24 AM new
Thank you Kris, nice to see you, I don't seem to see you often enough.
I'm not sure it came out right, it often doesn't, but I was only trying to say to Femme that I personally don't find harassment of any type anywhere, online or offline, amusing. It's quite sad actually.
posted on August 3, 2000 06:44:11 AM new
I knew what you were trying to say. But folks will hear what they want to, it doesn't matter how you phrase it.
I gathered from some posts of yours I saw elsewhere last night that you are the soup du jour. I'm sorry. Truth is, tho, if you stop reading it, it stops mattering. I don't think anyone reads there who truly matters in the big scheme of things.
It has made me less friendly to some people on the boards, just out of suspicion. While that is a shame, it has also banded many of us together in a way nothing yet had been able to do. Don't read it, Donna. Don't give it the credibility that reading it and commenting on it allows.
posted on August 3, 2000 07:37:43 AM newI started to post at another smaller board mainly to get away from the harassment by an individual here who is either afraid to go here or whatever, has often stated they won't go there. Even that little corner of space on the Internet is too much for some people to allow me I guess. The harassment continued on multiple sites and has spread to sites I don't even go to. I'm just the latest example that this has happened to, nothing special about me, it can happen to anyone, even you.
MAJOR deja vu, and I'm not sitting on my hands this time. You've accused someone here at AW of harassing you, and implied that the person is harassing you from other chatboards as well ("multiple sites" ). Everything here is an open book, so please direct us to the posts here constituting harassment of you and let us judge for ourselves. If you're implying, as I infer, that AW posters are harassing you elsewhere under aliases, please name the AW posters and their aliases elsewhere, and let us know how you have so identified them. If you're being harassed via email, please remand the matter to your ISP and their ISP, who should handle it appropriately.
OTOH, if it turns out that you are the author of baseless accusations and have launched a smear here, AW will be asked to take action against you to protect the rest of us from harm and unwarranted distress.
I'm sorry for whatever problems you seem to be having, seemingly as a result of your activities elsewhere, but please don't involve us with your intrigues on other chatboards. We here are not responsible, and are not accountable.
I'll leave you with parting words from a presence here who was nice, kind, and compassionate. Maybe you remember her:
I don't use the ignore button, but it often gets recommended by others here as a useful feature. Conflicts among posters are inevitable or someone's style might just plain old irritate you - ignore them! To use an analogy, it's everyone's playground here and we can all play in our way, but not everyone plays the same way. Some of the people here will be nice to you most of the time, that's good enough for me because I often don't care what people think of me. I hope it will be enough for you.
posted on August 3, 2000 08:06:38 AM new
Cyberspace seems to bring out the worst in people. The perceived anonymity of the medium allows some people to behave in ways here that they would never dream of behaving in "real life". The secret is to keep the two seperate. Most cyberspace media allow us to "block" offending users, and providers have means of stopping abusive users. Most of all, don't take on their accusations and slander as a true reflection of how you are, i.e. don't start wondering if it's true or has some basis in fact. Cyberbullies are just that, bullies, and letting them get you down only serves their purposes. Chin up, Donna. We love ya!
posted on August 3, 2000 08:37:10 AM new
Thanks, pareau, for a levelheaded response to a string accusations which have to date not been backed up by any evidence.
femme, you're right on the money yet again.
LadyofLake, you say this started "a few months ago." If that's the case, why have you hung around so long on the boards where this has been ostensibly happening? If you don't like what's being said on one board, there's nothing keeping you from going somewhere else.
If I sound a bit testy on this issue, it's probably because "you know who you are" accusations strike me as incredibly hollow.
posted on August 3, 2000 09:19:09 AM new
I read and post on a number of newsgroups and boards. It's a jungle out there, more than some would like to admit.
It is usually the innocent that get hurt, because they start off being so trusting of everyone who posts. They share too much about their private lives, and then get hurt because of it.
We all would do well to remember that anyone can pretend to be anything they wish, and the supposed "anonymity" really brings out the worst in some.
posted on August 3, 2000 09:25:01 AM new
Oh...it's deja vu all over again.
Poor short-term memory doesn't allow me to remember previous users' names.
As for AW members posting "elsewhere under another name", you don't even have to leave AW for that.
Example: A well-known poster on one of the closed boards revealed that she had several IDs on AW. I never see her well-known ID since her "exodus". But, you can bet your sweet bippy, she is or has been here.
I will, however, echo the "Be Careful" to those who are new to chat boards. Especially, women.
-Remain anonymous (regardless of rantings)
-Do not reveal your e-mail address
-Do not reveal any more about your personal life than you are comfortable
-Do not do the PM thing
-Do not post pictures of yourself, and certainly not of your children (pictures of the 4-legged ones are OK)
-Do not take the boards seriously
-Stay neutral and objective
-Trust your instincts
Follow these basic guidelines, and chat boards can be enjoyable.
Another thing that works for me...While I have a lot to say, I say very little.
posted on August 3, 2000 09:44:00 AM new
It's a good list, Femme and most of the points have always been my rules as well.
Unfortunately, I can't be anonymous. Something inside of me just rebels. Oddly enough, I think it is fear that stops me. The personality I reveal here is the same personality that I have in real life. I like to think that the personality is well integrated most of the time but perhaps it isn't. Being anonymous might just be too much temptation for my darker side (and I think everyone has a darker side) to surface. I'd rather not take that chance. Without self-respect, I am nothing.
posted on August 3, 2000 10:40:00 AM new
I just have one question for femme. I'm rather new here, what is the PM thing?
~~~~~~~~No, I'm not a cat.~~~~~~~~
I have every confidence that your self-respect and integrity are ingrained.
As such, even with an anonymous ID you will not sway. You still have to like yourself and live with yourself.
Mouseslayer,
PM is Private Messaging, which is available on a lot of boards for posters to talk with (and about?) each other behind the scenes.
(I hope that is clear.)
[ edited by femme on Aug 3, 2000 01:30 PM ]
posted on August 3, 2000 01:44:49 PM new
Perhaps being anon is the ability to let the "dark side" out for those comfortable to do so, and the feelings of "oh, thats not the real me" be a buffer for when the flames start on the name the anon person took to set free the darker side? Sorta like my seller names...I have two. One, I have 2 negs that to my mind were unwarranted and retalitory, but alas, tis done and nothing I can do about it and knowing that, I feel not as protective of that name anymore. The other one is all positives, and that one I guard very well, even when I have experience with a deadbeat. I think the anon name is the same thing....folks use the anon to do their thing, dark side free to say whatever, without consequences, but the persons name we all may know and reflects the "good side"...well, that name must be protected at all costs, yes?
Sorry for rambling...not very clear headed today for dental reasons. But trying to figure reasons for this behaviour kinda takes the mystery out of the WHY.
posted on August 3, 2000 05:58:03 PM new
Well, I read around some at other sites and did see one where you were very unfairly attacked Donna and I can understand your being upset. It is, of course, quite possible that some of the anons there may also post here, and at other boards. But I'm also curious how you could identify them; in fact, there's been much questioning about who they might be. I am also unaware of any attacks upon you here, but I might have missed something.
Irene's post above is excellent and much good advice from the other posters.
posted on August 3, 2000 06:32:05 PM newFlakers, I know from seeing your posts on Ross's board that you must have become a focus on Gossip Board. I probably get, on average, three emails a week from people suggesting that I 'read what they're saying' about me on that board. And I don't, because I honestly don't care what 'they' are saying about me there. I don't know who the posters are there (well, except the obvious 'known' and multiples who are "annoymous"--LOL!), and my impression was that those came and went pretty regularly, and it's may well be a whole new cast of the same folks in new characters now.
You're a nice person--you have made a contribution here, and in the other places that you've posted. You have the sincere regard of so many folks. And I have to honestly ask you...what possible difference in your life do the nasty little posts of people (that you don't even know) make? For me, the answer is easy--they don't matter at all. Other people's words (good or bad) can only affect you if you,
a) read them
b) feel them
You are the only one who can make and control your choices. And you are the only one who can tell you what does, or should, matter to you.
posted on August 3, 2000 07:42:02 PM new
ladyoflake sorry to hear about your misfortune
I just found this thread, otherwise I would have said something sooner.
I like going to a lot of different boards, but if a board starts to become cruel and backstabbing and the whole thing turns into gossip, I back out rather quickly
Hope to see you over at mine, it is pretty darn quiet there LOL (to be expected with less than 20 members hehehe)
http://www.hunneysnest.com
http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/hunney34/
posted on August 3, 2000 08:11:11 PM new
Donna, I am soooo out of the loop I never know what is going on anywhere but here![and that is dubious] I even went and looked around today and I still can't figure it out! Regardless, I hope you just try to ignore the gossip on the boards.I know that is not an easy thing to do but in the long run it is the best thing. Those who gossip elsewhere will one day be revealed and then they will lose most respect on these boards.[I just hope it's not people I like and respect now.I do so hate to be duped!]Just remember "time wounds all heels!"
