posted on August 17, 2000 10:26:36 AM new
Thank you so much to all who kept myself and my family in your thoughts and prayers this past week.
My father died peacefully Wednesday evening around 11:20 p.m. in the Hospice Unit of the Cleveland Clinic.
The measures that the doctors tried for him to increase his quality of life did not work out as we had hoped. There were some complications that made it impossible to recover from. On Monday morning my father and the family made the decision to discontinue the treatments and medicines and move him to the Clinic's Palliative Care Unit. This is basically an inhouse Hospice unit of the Clinic.
He was placed on Morphine and Thorazine to keep him comfortable. All the family members were able to see and speak to him before the medicines took affect. My mom, sister and myself were with him at the end, and it was peaceful and just as we hoped it would be. The nurses and doctors were wonderful, kind, and compassionate.
My heart goes out to all who have gone through this type of thing. Those of you who have dealt with even longer more difficult issues have my deepest sympathy. We were only there 8 days, with a small time at home over the weekend. How difficult it must be for those who have extended times in the hospitals...sleeping in waiting rooms and in chairs etc.
posted on August 17, 2000 10:43:15 AM new
Meya, I'm so sorry... you've been very strong through this. Your dad was lucky to have his family with him and to be able to go comfortably.
Thanks for letting us know. It's funny how we can grow to really care about people and situations we only know about as text on a computer screen, but I'm fighting back tears over here. A lot of us have been with you on this and will continue to be. Take care of yourself, Meya.
posted on August 17, 2000 10:48:07 AM new
My deepest sympathies to you & your family....I sincerely hope that time will quickly heal your pain, so that your hearts can be filled with the wonderful memories of the good times shared with your father...
posted on August 17, 2000 11:05:16 AM new
Thanks for the comments...just a funny note for those of you who are glass collectors etc.
My dad loved Heisey Glassware and has a sizable collection of it. His wishes were to be cremated, and his ashes taken to the Smokey Mountains next summer. In the meantime, Mom is going to place his ashes in a covered Heisey Dish...
Please don't take that as morbid, my dad would fully appreciate the poetic humor in the decision.
posted on August 17, 2000 12:20:10 PM new
Having lost my own Dad last November I understand that there really are no words I can say right now that will help, least of all that I feel your pain,but I do.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Bet you're feeling a bit numb, and then off and on crying your eyes out, and then being numb again, eh?
The best I can give you is that something peculiar happens when someone close to you is gone, if you're open to it, and it takes some time.
Little by little, you begin to integrate the best of what that person stood for. Little by little, you begin to have a sort of crystalline clarity regarding what your father meant, what was good, what was bad, what you got, what you didn't get, what was precious.
And you hang on to the precious, sweetheart.
Because 10 years from now, it'll still be there, and at odd moments, it'll still hurt, and at odd moments, you'll smile hugely remembering something or another, and you'll swear you'd sell your soul for one more minute of conversation with him.
But now, you just keep going on, and numb is good. Don't beat yourself up if that's all you can feel, the brain is good at protecting us from the things we aren't ready to feel.
Here's a quick image...your Dad, the hair you let go of not long ago, and he's climbing it, like a ladder, no more pain, an ascent into the light, and the realization that the best of you that caused you to make that sacrifice came somehow, from him.
(Forgive me if that's off-base, just what came up for me...)
posted on August 17, 2000 04:45:53 PM new
Meya
My deepest sympathy to you and your family. Just remember as long as he lives on in your heart and your memories, he will always be with you.
posted on August 17, 2000 05:16:56 PM newDiana, thanks for your kind words. I know what you mean when you say Because 10 years from now, it'll still be there, and at odd moments, it'll still hurt, and at odd moments, you'll smile hugely remembering something or another, and you'll swear you'd sell your soul for one more minute of conversation with him.
I have lost one very dear person in my life 3 years ago and still find certain memories trigger pangs of pain and smiles of joy.
I have my love of antiques and old oak furniture from him, and his love of Heisey Glass as well. The smell of sawdust gives me the "warm fuzzies", from the years of his working in his workshop making anything from picture frames to entire kitchen cupboards and pieces of furniture. He was a master at refinishing furniture as well, and I have a beautiful oak washstand that he found painted white at a flea market. He cleaned it up and it sits in my living room storing school supplies and computer stuff.
Yes, I am going from numb to tears and back again, but laughter was so much a part of our family that we just cry and then find something to laugh about. My dad was sick a long time, so this did not sneak up on us. It is a relief to know he is no longer suffering.
I don't talk much here about my faith since this is not generally the place for it, but my father has been secure in Jesus for a number of years. Losing him is going to be hard on those of us left behind, but he is whole and healthy now, and we will be with him again someday. That is our greatest comfort. "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord"
posted on August 17, 2000 10:13:49 PM newMeya My sincere condolences for your loss. I'm glad that you were able to be with him and that his was a peaceful passing. My prayers are with you and yours.
posted on August 17, 2000 11:32:33 PM new
Meya - My heart goes out to you and your family. We lost my grandmother a few months back after a long and heartbreaking illness. It's after effects still shake us as a family at times.
Words are pitiful and inadaquate - we want to say the right things and ease the pain and burdens - but nothing ever sounds right. The only thing that you can do in the end is to stand beside them and let them know that they are not having to stand this alone.
"Friendship is one of the sweetest joys in life. Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trials had they not found a friend"
posted on August 18, 2000 06:36:32 AM newMeya - I'll bet your dad is proud as punch that you've managed to hold on to his sense of humor and love of beautiful things. It's a wonderful legacy to leave a child.
posted on August 18, 2000 07:27:29 AM new
Meya, please add my condolences to the list. You and you're family must be going through a diffidult time. It's nice to see that you are already focusing on all the great things you remember about him.
I don't dare say too much because reading about your Dad is a little too close to home for me. But I hope you feel all of our hugs and thoughts and that they help you at least a little through this difficult time. Take care and be at peace.
Lori
~~MouseSlayer is not a cat =^.^= ~~
Yes, I'm MouseSlayer everywhere. It's a great name, so I use it!
We had our festival this weekend and I haven't read RT.
I'm very sorry for your loss but very happy that you and you family were there with him as he went to Christ. Please take much comfort in that and the fact that he will always live in your heart; there for you whenever you need him.
posted on August 21, 2000 05:55:18 AM new
Humerous update on the happenings here...we drove into the Funeral home parking lot yesterday for the calling hours for my dad, and my mother was wearing the exact same pant-suit that I had bought.
Hubby drove me home to change into an older one I had. Just another link in the twisted humor that has been following us along this road.
posted on August 22, 2000 08:32:34 AM new
Meya, I am so sorry about your father. I've read this thread over and over, thinking about the time I will face this, and knowing I don't have a prayer of doing it with the grace and serenity you have shown. The strength, love, and humor you convey are a great tribute to the person he was, and to the person you are.
Please accept my condolences and respect, for you and your family.
posted on August 22, 2000 01:40:43 PM new
Meya, I am so sorry. I hadn't even read this thread yet and my heart sank when I finally clicked on it today.
I lost my Grandfather a few years ago. He was the MOST special person in my childhood, bar none and I continue to miss him deeply. He was a magical person to me, an impish practical joker at times, and he could ALWAYS make me smile. There are quiet times when I am sitting alone and I think about him and whisper "I love you" into the air. And I swear sometimes I feel him with me.
Your father will always be with you in your heart.
