artdoggy
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posted on September 2, 2000 02:26:24 PM
I am on vacation and thought I would not have access to a computer. Fortunately Daddy has this wonderful state of the art laptop. I went to the Flora-Bama lounge last night and shot nearly a bottle of tequila. I can drink tequila better than Juan Valdez after a bad day the on the coffee farm. Well anyway, the flora-bama is right on the state line. Of course my beauty attracted all sorts of men but unfortunately I was the object of desire of a group of bikers. I really despise bikers with their leathery stinky tough guy persona's but I couldn't help myself this time. What could I do? I was so drunk I could hardly walk and I went skinny dipping in the gulf with a big hairy biker man named Lex. He wanted to ravage me but as he started to grab me by my hair to pull me over to him a shark bit him blood went everywhere. The shark dragged him into 5 feet of water and ate him alive! I had to call the police naked and drunk. They put me in jail because they thought I killed him. Daddy came and got me out of jail. I was cleared of all charges because they found the remainder of his hairy legs on the beach this morning. I am so traumatized! Posting helps me get over it. But of course none of you will believe me I'm sure, but it will be on CNN tommorrow.
[ edited by artdoggy on Sep 2, 2000 02:28 PM ]
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enchanted
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posted on September 2, 2000 02:27:35 PM
daddy is always there when you need him
[ edited by enchanted on Sep 2, 2000 02:28 PM ]
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artdoggy
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posted on September 2, 2000 02:35:27 PM
of course daddy is always there! What do you think? I was raised by wolves! You don't care that I was nearly imprisoned for a misunderstood shark attack. I really do not like the sight of blood, yuck.
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kitsch1
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posted on September 2, 2000 02:45:24 PM
Ah The lying game. Too cool!
This morning I went into the kitchen to make coffee and found that I had ran out! Well, I simply must have my coffee so I threw a robe on over my nighty. I drove to the corner store to get a cup o java at the drive thru. I did't think I would need to get dressed! I had never envisioned a flat tire!
Well, It wasnt just a flat, it was a blow-out! It terrified me, I thought something terrible had happened. I was trembling as I pulled my car off to the side of the road. I didnt dare get out of the car in my nighty and thin robe, I sat there for awhile wondering what on earth I should do.
Out of my side view mirror I see a 68 Jag pull up behind me. I think oh my! How will I explain this outfit! I was so nervous and embarrased when he tapped on my window. I turned to look at the most amazingly gorgeous specimin of mankind that I have ever encountered. He saw my "state of undress" my nervousness, and the trapped doe look in my eyes then winked at me and said "Thought you could get away with a quick run for coffee didn't you?"
He quickly changed my tire, asked me to wait a moment and ran across the street and got me a cup of coffee. When he came back he said "no need to thank me mam, you already have"
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artdoggy
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posted on September 2, 2000 02:53:18 PM
Well, I am not lying, but it sounds as though you are wishing! this story will be on CNN if not this evening tommorrow, so you just wait and see if I am lying. Actually, I would not even be on this computer this weekend if I had not been so traumatized. My dr has me on medication. I am being tended to by a personal care attendant that daddy paid for in full! also, If someone would tell me how to upload a picture, I am going to download my picture to prove that I am a woman, and you all are just going to have to eat your shirts.
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tegan
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posted on September 2, 2000 02:54:08 PM
kitsch1..
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ShellyHerr
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:02:29 PM
kitsch1- you go girl!
Can one of you Guys please show Artdoggy how to upload a picture?
Wait! Artdoggy, you do auctions, you do pics then..... you have your pic in your FTP ? if so, I'll *try* to explain.
I have to admit, I do like kitsch's coffee story the best!
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papaswindy
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:05:06 PM
Kitsch1
Great story. I wish i would run out of coffee and find a cutie like you did.
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kitsch1
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:06:22 PM
Last week while on my way to school I saw something glinting in the parking lot. I knew that flash of color didn't come from mere glass. I went over to see what there was to see. It was a diamond! A HUGE diamond!
I was so tempted just to pocket it, but I couldnt do it. I took it to the front office to let them know I had found a rather valuable item in the parkinglot. While I was telling the receptionist my story a tall man in an Armani suit and snake skin boots walked up and asked the receptionist if anyone had turned in a 10 carat diamond. She looked at him and then nodded towards me and said "Lost...meet found"
He was so thrilled to have it back that he gave me 5 thousand dollars right then and there. As he counted the money out to me I couldnt help but notice the diamonds on his money clip spelled out Artdoggies Daddy.
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nobs
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:09:10 PM
Yup, Kels' story hands down. But, give artdoggie a chance - s/he'll get better I'm sure 
affirmation comes from within ...
not at the expense of another.
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kitsch1
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:14:31 PM
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artdoggy
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:18:19 PM
It is only natural that I would have little followers who would try to emulate my greatness. It does not bother in the least for it has happened many times. I have shown my husband your taunts as to my gender, or that I am some lame poster from the past. He wants to send you all his favorite picture of me. He carries it in his briefcase everywhere he goes. He had the pictured developed on plastic so he could carry it around as a cut out version. Whenever he travels he sleeps with it on his pillow. I need to figure out how to get the picture on the thread. I will not be to upload it until tuesday as you all well know I am at the summer house.
[ edited by artdoggy on Sep 2, 2000 03:19 PM ]
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mauimoods
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:23:28 PM
Artdoggy...do you by chance have a relative by the name of Vinnie No Neck?
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nobs
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:25:15 PM
Kel
Just saw your last post ... and it made me LMAO so now I am gonna go eat so I can grow another ass!
I just came home from the drugstore where I stocked up on cold meds. You see, the day before yesterday we were on the Squan River in my son's little boat. My son and his girl friend had their fishing poles in the water and I had thrown a couple of fishheads into my crab baskets and lowered them into the water. As my son's girlfriend yells out that she thinks she has a "big one" on the line and I am pulling up my crab basket (which for the first time this season had several nice crabs in it) a huge boat comes speeding by. This boat looked like an ocean liner next to my son's boat. My son owns a little luncheonette/coffee shop and he named his boat Danny's Launch-n-Net. Anyhow - this damn huge boat comes speeding past and put up such a wake of water our boat completely capsized and we all were thrown in the drink .. lost the crabs, lost the fish we had caught. Luckily we wear life jackets. As I bobbed to the surface I looked at the boat which by now was doing a turn around and lo and behold I saw the name on the side .... "Artdoggy's Daddy"!!!! By the time the huge boat did it's turn around - the Coast Guard had plucked us up out of the drink and all was well. Except this damn cold - I am sniffling and sneezing and I don't even have any fish to show for it 
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kitsch1
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:25:37 PM
Wow! What a coincidence! I JUST now saw an interesting auction on ebay. This guy was selling a picture of his wife in the buff. He said he was getting rid of it and many other items soon (like water filled bras, size 18 clothing; all designer brands mind you, and he hinted at putting up specially made shoes (size 11 extra wide I believe it said)
Anyway, he said that this wife was now locked out of the house because she was cavorting with bikers and acting totally unladylike. Said he couldnt hold his head up if he let her come back after the CNN shark story airs.
edited for a who and an e. Whenever I mispell it is because a big hairy goon runs in to my home makes me type badly and then disappears. After he leaves I edit, but, he always comes back.
[ edited by kitsch1 on Sep 2, 2000 03:35 PM ]
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kitsch1
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:28:09 PM
Nobs, lol
This is way fun artdoggy, Thanks!
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nobs
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:30:45 PM
maui
I still miss shaddupuface! he could sure post 'em, yes?
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nobs
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:35:54 PM
Kel
wow, I bet that dude has a veritable gold mine treasure trove of wifies stuff.
Poor fella, he should have just bought a Harley hog and kept his wife charmed and happy.
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kitsch1
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:38:12 PM
Well, he didnt even need to buy the whole hog I'm thinkin. Just the motor, a saw horse, and a saddle.
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artdoggy
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:43:21 PM
Oh all your witty little stories make my hangover hurt even more. You are all so jealous of my lifestyle. It surprises me none in the least that you should be looking up pictures of men's naked white-trash wives. It probably gave you such a thrill, you printed it out immediately. You will all just feel so bad when you see my picture. You will wish you had never said the things that you have said. But i am not going to satisfy your curiosity so quickly, the first thing I am going to upload are my panties, my own personal, intimate undies. Then I will upload the pictures of the shark attack so you will all be astounded.
[ edited by artdoggy on Sep 2, 2000 03:43 PM ]
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nobs
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:44:52 PM
Oh kel - I'm laughing so hard I think I am gonna PIMP.
I gotta run for a few minutes (family stuff) but I will bbs.
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junquemama
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:46:43 PM
I was tooling down the highway in my motor-
Home the other day,Almost ended up the rear
of a vette,Because all the traffic had come to a sudden halt.I heard a loud KA-THUD,Couldnt see anything in the rear side mirror,And there is no back window on this rig.But that KA-Thug and the sudden forward bounce forward of the rig told me something hit me hard in the back,I got out and went to the back,Nothing there!I looked at the back wall of the rig next to the ladder,And there was two huge imprints the size of watermellons!Upon further inspection,I noticed some small writeing,Done with a black marker"YOU HAVE BEEN IMPRESSED BY ARTDOGGY"
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nobs
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:48:29 PM
artdoggy
I wait with baited breath (whatever that means)
oh, better make sure you have enough web space and kilobytes to fit them panties online!
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artdoggy
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posted on September 2, 2000 03:57:55 PM
The panties will not take up as much room as the bra, of which I am proud. I would only surmise that some of the unnamed contenders of my plight have underwear so big you could sail a navy destroyer with them. I can only imagine that the force that opposes my truth is clad in old nasty dirt filled birkenstocks and legs hairier that a gorilla. Thinks lipstick is a tool used only for halloween or funerals. Halatosis would be a generous term, when dragon breath would be more appropriate. My husband refers to the force as the HELMUT HEADS due to percise tidy tight hairdoos that one would only want because they are so PRACTICAL. UGGG
[ edited by artdoggy on Sep 2, 2000 03:59 PM ]
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kitsch1
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posted on September 2, 2000 04:04:34 PM
Oh artdoggy, You started a good game and you cannot even play it right. Taking your ball and going home.... throwing outlandish insults over your shoulder.
LOL
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artdoggy
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posted on September 2, 2000 04:15:30 PM
Kitsch, it is my personal duty to expose the mediocre, the hypocrite and the bloodless cling-on. I am constantly amazed at how easily everyone folds up with words go awry, there are some people here who feel a need to take away my personal fame. I will tell you though, the money clip and the boat sound highly probable
[ edited by artdoggy on Sep 2, 2000 04:16 PM ]
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kitsch1
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posted on September 2, 2000 04:22:44 PM
ack, tis not fun anymore. Play with yourself oh famous one.
PS edit s'more.
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artdoggy
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posted on September 2, 2000 04:26:30 PM
Playing with myself is never a problem.
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kitsch1
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posted on September 2, 2000 04:27:20 PM
I will add this. You are the game player and I thought you would know that you might have said something like...well kitsch, I was at the bar the other night and saw your name and number on the wall, it had a note attached that said..................
Anyway, better luck with it next time. You'll get it, truly you will.
http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/[email protected]/
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artdoggy
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posted on September 2, 2000 04:32:48 PM
You are trying to control me! Never Never !!!
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