posted on December 18, 2005 01:20:48 PM new
Subject: Merry Christmas
To All My Online Friends:
As the holidays approach, my heartfelt appreciation
goes out to
all of you who have taken the time and trouble to
send me "forwards"
over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me
feel safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy.
Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat
crap in the
glue on envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet
towel every
time I need to seal an envelope.
Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because
it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the
people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to put
"Under God" on
their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes
cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I
could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell
like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
might drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from nor send packages
by UPS
or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in
disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to
dial a number for which I will get a phone bill
with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are
actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will
change once I
receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from
Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last
count I have
363,214 angels looking out for me.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers
my
prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my
friends and make
a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who
is about to die in the hospital (for the
1,387,258th time)
I no longer have any money at all - but that will
change once I
receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are
sending me for
participating in their special email program.
Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out
for me that I
will now return the favor!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the
next 7minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of
bird flu
will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this
afternoon. I know
this will occur because it actually happened to a
friend of my
next-door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second
husband's cousin's beautician, Rhonda G., who lives in
Dacron, Ohio.
Happy Christmas!
____________________________________________
Habla siempre que debas y calla siempre que puedas....
posted on December 18, 2005 02:58:19 PM new
One thing you need to add to the list Prof. Reheating leftovers in styrofoam takeout containers that causes cancer. "“More Iraqis think things are going well in Iraq than Americans do. I guess they don’t get the New York Times over there.”—Jay Leno".
posted on December 18, 2005 08:27:16 PM new
Yep, and I forgot the 500 dollars Microsoft is going to give you for every 10 forwarded emails you send
____________________________________________
Habla siempre que debas y calla siempre que puedas....
