mybiddness
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posted on September 4, 2000 10:45:04 AM new
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN:
1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."
6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey watch this."
8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
10. Your junior prom had a daycare.
11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are: Gentlemen, start your engines."
12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
(My personal favorite)
18. You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.
19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
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calamity49
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posted on September 4, 2000 10:57:37 AM new
Hey Mybid,
Can you have Rednecks in the North?????? LOL!
Calamity
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mybiddness
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posted on September 4, 2000 11:03:23 AM new
Hi Calmity - I haven't seen you around in a loooong time - hope things are good for you and yours.
I could be wrong - but I'm thinkin the rednecks are mostly on my side of the woods.  Texas Rules - Redneck Country!
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calamity49
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posted on September 4, 2000 11:27:17 AM new
HUM,
Maybe I could change the name to Brownnecks for up here.
We got hit by lightening last week and lost all of my fun things. Finally have them back after three days of me yelling out the back door "better----worse" while hubby tried to find the satellite signal for the tv.
We still have the washing machine and a few other things to go that are boring. Thank goodness my son bought himself an antique washer on one of his forays into living on his own. At least it works but is small and it doesn't take much for two of us. Glad we didn't junk it. I have spent the last week getting alot of sleep and watching trash talk shows. They are better than infomercials.
I didn't realize how much I missed this place until I got back on here today. It's good to be back.
Now I have to make a deal with Barry(Barry)Barris to get Bill kicked of the island. LOL!
Calamity
Calamity
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jt-2007
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posted on September 4, 2000 12:05:51 PM new
You see a billboard that reads:
JUST SAY "NO" TO CRACK!
...and it reminds you to pull up your pants.
T
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HartCottageQuilts
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posted on September 7, 2000 08:08:16 AM new
Apparently I'm the only one who finds this sort of stuff incredibly tasteless. So the method of the "joke" here is to ridicule poor, uneducated Southern whites - who, we all know, marry their first cousins at age 12 (after which they bear children), have "weird" hair, lack teeth, smell, are dirty, drink too much, are incredibly stupid, know nothing about the "finer" things in life, and are generally disgusting and eminently worthy of such ridicule.
Let's substitute another ethnic group. Let's use Chicanos (low-riders, tortillas and beans, greasy, superstitious) or blacks ("weird" hair, NEVER get married, have 10 kids at age 14, and travel to the Welfare office in a bright purple Cadillac), Italians (greasy, smelly, talk funny, Mafia) Irish (bad food, drunks, beat their wives, breed like rabbits)...the list can go on and on. Yeah, they're all really funny, aren't they?
Reminds me of my cousins, who as teenagers would run up to my mother (who's 3/4 Polish) and tell her Polack jokes, which they thought she was certain to find hilarious.
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krs
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posted on September 7, 2000 08:31:22 AM new
HartCottageQuilts,
Thank you for your deliniation of all of your various ethnic generalizations. I'm sure that some of what you've said was previously unheard of by some readers and I'd expect that a few of them, particularly those who are members of the groups that you've characterized, will thank you.
Tell me, are SOME of your best friends members of any of the groups that you've so eloquently described?
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mybiddness
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posted on September 7, 2000 08:49:13 AM new
20) Rednecks can take a joke.
Just ask Jeff Foxworthy - Recent interview he states that his biggest fans are folks from Redneck country - in fact, they often send him great jokes to add to his comedy shows - which are always sold out... not that anyone can see the humor in blatantly obvious jokes.
I'm a redneck and proud of it. But, I never let my 12 year old smoke in front of her kids. That's a little too tacky.
P.S. My original copy I received of the jokes read "Trailer Trash" - Since that qualifies an identifiable real segment of the population I did find that offensive and changed it to Rednecks. 'sides, my momma lives in a trailer and she ain't no trash.
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krs
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posted on September 7, 2000 08:58:38 AM new
It's only the ignorant politically wannabe correct who describe redneck or the more colloquial cracker as poor, uneducated Southern whites when everyone else who does not ride on a high horse knows that neither of those terms describes any ethnicity, except by assumption, and that each can come in any form and color.
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jt-2007
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posted on September 7, 2000 09:27:45 AM new
It's extremely tastless which is it's appeal to those who who claim it. It is a thing of pride for many who can laugh at themselves and also at the things that are not true.
(We are not rednecks.)<-clarification
T
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ShellyHerr
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posted on September 7, 2000 09:36:31 AM new
[ edited by ShellyHerr on Sep 7, 2000 10:40 AM ]
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mybiddness
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posted on September 7, 2000 09:53:06 AM new
"they liked to brag about what they did with thier own cousins etc"
Maybe I just thought I lived in redneck country - This is a new one for me.
Please say it ain't so.
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jamesoblivion
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posted on September 7, 2000 09:55:06 AM new
What we need is a genuine redneck to come in and clarify for us.
James.
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ShellyHerr
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posted on September 7, 2000 10:01:35 AM new
[ edited by ShellyHerr on Sep 7, 2000 10:40 AM ]
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mybiddness
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posted on September 7, 2000 10:04:56 AM new
Not to split hairs - but child molestation isn't a redneck thing - it's a world wide global problem that I agree isn't funny.
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ShellyHerr
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posted on September 7, 2000 10:13:49 AM new
[ edited by ShellyHerr on Sep 7, 2000 10:41 AM ]
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mybiddness
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posted on September 7, 2000 10:25:24 AM new
That's horrible - but a true redneck would kick the a$$ of a child molester - tie him up to the back of his pick up truck - and see how long it would take for him to turn into mince meat.
I worked at a psyche ward for years and can unfortunately attest first hand that the molesters are from all segments of the population - poor or wealthy. And, the wealthy turn their backs on the children just as quickly - or more so than anyone else.
Child molestation wasn't intended to be a part of my joke and if anyone read it that way I apologize sincerely. I've seen too many young men/women who truly suffered from that kind of abuse and would never joke about it.
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ShellyHerr
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posted on September 7, 2000 10:34:52 AM new
[ edited by ShellyHerr on Sep 7, 2000 10:42 AM ]
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pareau
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posted on September 7, 2000 10:35:45 AM new
Well, mybiddness, if child molestation wasn't part of the joke, this needs some explaining:
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
In my world, a 12-year-old is a child. In my world, a child cannot legally give consent to sex, and sex with a child must be, by definition, rape. If your smoking 12-year-old daughter has children, she's been molested but good.
Really funny, isn't it?
- Pareau
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ShellyHerr
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posted on September 7, 2000 10:38:51 AM new
oh pareau geeeeeez I should never had written that! IT IS a joke, and I've heard many a 'redneck' joke, and DID think they were funny....... lighten up, I will!
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mybiddness
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posted on September 7, 2000 10:46:06 AM new
[BShelly[/B] No problem. I remember a 20/20 type of show recently in which the mother of a molested child (stepfather already convicted and in jail) spoke out in defense of her darling husband and said that her daughter - who was 7 at the time the molestation began "wanted" it. Those kind of things horrify me - to know that there's really that kind of mentality out there.
The worst thing my redneck (and they call themselves that)friends do is to spit nasty tobacco juice out the truck window.
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ShellyHerr
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posted on September 7, 2000 10:47:25 AM new
There.done. There have been many comedians that have made redneck jokes and are funny. And the one that mybiddness did was. You do not have to take them literally. Or pick them apart.
Sorry mybiddness, I shouldn't have written all that, but its gone now..
Some may consider them tasteless and whatever, let 'em.
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mybiddness
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posted on September 7, 2000 10:48:51 AM new
Pareau I didn't consider that the twelve year old could have been impregnated by a relative.
Again, if you or anyone else saw that in my jokes, my sincere apologies.
Having lived among folks who call themselves rednecks - and enjoy redneck jokes, I thought it was funny.
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ShellyHerr
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posted on September 7, 2000 10:51:19 AM new
mybiddness
There is no need to apologize for it!
Heck I've seen some spit tobacco out from worst places! YUCK ! LOL!!!!
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rawbunzel
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posted on September 7, 2000 11:01:53 AM new
We have a lot of rednecks up here in Washington so I don't think it is just the southern states! My husband is from the south and I do know a redneck when I see one!
mybiddness I thought the list was funny. I do not like that all jokes must be politicaly correct. I make fun of my Norwegian heritage all the time...I do a wonderful accent! Anyone can make Norwegian or Irish jokes and I don't care. They ARE funny! And I do see some of my relatives in them sometimes!My husband is Greek and we get a lot of joke mileage out of that too! What can I say? I can see the humor in LIFE..people and the things they do can be funny. AND while I agree that child molestation is no joke there was no molestation going on here...just an OLD joke.
If it tickles my funnybone I WILL laugh..politicaly correct or not. Can't help it.It is an automatic response.
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pareau
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posted on September 7, 2000 11:11:51 AM new
No, mybiddness, I thought incest was probably covered by
17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
Your 12-year-old daughter having children means she's been impregnated by someone. Might be a relative, might not. Don't seem to matter none here neither way, thas for shur. Jess preten' I never said nothin'. No big 'un to y'all, I know.
- Pareau
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mybiddness
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posted on September 7, 2000 11:18:40 AM new
Pareau ...kiss my grits
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aschmits
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posted on September 7, 2000 11:18:44 AM new
Oh my. Can't even tell a joke here anymore without it getting picked apart and analyzed. How sad. 
Mybiddness, I thought they were funny.
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ShellyHerr
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posted on September 7, 2000 11:21:19 AM new
I agree with rawbunzel, that people should just lighten up a little on the PC stuff (and that she's from WA, my home )
pareau- even in the most cosmopolitan of big cities, your going to see 12 year olds pregnant, smoking all that, and it was probably thier 13 or 14 year old boyfriend who is the father... teen pregnancy has always been a problem everywhere!
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spazmodeus
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posted on September 7, 2000 11:21:59 AM new
psssst. mybiddness, e-mail Pat and ask him to lock this thread. It's a no-win. Get out now while you can. FWIW, I don't think your intention was to offend anyone.
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