hwahwa
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posted on May 18, 2007 08:40:44 PM new
why?
and what can they do to drift BACK??
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Lets all stop whining !
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Linda_K
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posted on May 18, 2007 08:45:16 PM new
I believe couples get in ruts. They forget what brought them together in the first place....they focus on the things their spouse does that bothers them.....rather than looking at their goodnesses.
They need to spend more alone time, if they have children. Doing things they used to enjoy doing together when they were first married.
It's human nature to neglect, to some degree or another, the one you assume will always be there.
Find ways to have fun together. Common interests. etc.
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mingotree
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posted on May 18, 2007 08:49:01 PM new
I don't know, we've never drifted apart. linduh sounds like an expert on it 
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Linda_K
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posted on May 18, 2007 08:55:29 PM new
After being with my husband for 41 years....yes, I believe I know a lot more than you do with your plastic/pretend husband. LOL
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mingotree
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posted on May 18, 2007 09:02:14 PM new
41 years! That poor man !
You didn't drift apart...he ran screaming to his grave!
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Linda_K
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posted on May 18, 2007 09:08:36 PM new
No YOU WITCH.....he loved me ....something I don't believe you could EVER possibly know about....nor experience.
How any man could love you....I will never understand. Especially since you're always HERE and rarely spend time with him. IF he even exists.
We even gave marriage encounter weekends for others couples wanting to enrich their marriages. And we headed what the church called 'bridges'....which also encouraged couples to focus back on each other, rather than all the other things in life that take our attention away from one another.
We FULLY supported the inst. of marriage. And we VALUED ours with all our hearts.
But I'm SICK of your constant garbage about my deceased husband. You don't know either of us.....so you're talking out of your ASS once again.
[ edited by Linda_K on May 18, 2007 09:09 PM ]
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mingotree
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posted on May 18, 2007 09:18:30 PM new
MY! Name calling and vulgarity! Add that to your racism and you are a charmer!
Your "deceased husband" only existed in your mind!
""We even gave marriage encounter weekends for others couples wanting to enrich their marriages. ""
LOLOLOL!
Bet they were all WHITE even IF that statement was true !
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Linda_K
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posted on May 18, 2007 09:20:31 PM new
You're one very SICK puppie, sybil.
Now....let this ONE subject STAY on topic FOR ONCE.
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mingotree
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posted on May 18, 2007 09:22:27 PM new
What? Now all of a sudden you DON'T want to promote racism ???
????
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hwahwa
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posted on May 19, 2007 04:16:38 PM new
How any man could love you....I will never understand. Especially since you're always HERE and rarely spend time with him. IF he even exists.
//////////////////////////
I think THIS IS THE ANSWER-
SPEND MORE TIME ON VENDIO,AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE.
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Lets all stop whining !
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Linda_K
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posted on May 19, 2007 04:18:43 PM new
LOL...well I'd have to disagree with you then. hwahwa 
Romance him or her....don't neglect them. Especially not 24/7/365 days a year. lol
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hwahwa
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posted on May 19, 2007 07:05:13 PM new
How do you find romanace in your heart when you are grounded down by the day to day routines,most are not romantic like brushing your teeth,yawning,picking your nose,doing laundry,taking out garbage,cussing at your dog/neighbor,paying your bills,bargain hunting?
And your object of desire?He/she is doing the same thing-yawning,picking nose,cussing,drinking,flushing toilet,complaining about his job etc etc
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Lets all stop whining !
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Linda_K
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posted on May 19, 2007 07:07:21 PM new
lol
Why can't you do it like you did before you got married. Do all those things privately? We don't need to see EVERYTHING our spouse does....
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roadsmith
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posted on May 20, 2007 12:07:56 PM new
hwahwa: One of the many things that can help a marriage is to treat each other the way we tend to treat everyone else in our lives who aren't in our family. With courtesy, with thanks for actions, with praise. We've got nearly 48 years now and going stronger than ever.
We also, as Linda touched on, were members of a church which started groups for couples. We met every Friday night with our group (yes, Friday nights!) for about 4 years, in each other's homes. My husband and I went on to form one for college-age couples and for older couples, before we moved out of Vegas. These weren't exactly encounter groups, but we could talk frankly about our relationships, and I'm sure it's one of the reasons we're still happily married.
There were many years, when our children were junior high and high school age, that my husband and I were ships that pass in the night: much too busy for even normal conversation. And it was really awful when they stayed up later than we did! Intimacy is tough when the kids are in a room on the floor below you watching tv. (At one point my husband actually came home for some R&R during school days. And now I've probably told you more than you wanted to know, right!?)
_____________________
There is more to life than increasing its speed. --Mahatma Gandhi
[ edited by roadsmith on May 20, 2007 12:09 PM ]
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Linda_K
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posted on May 20, 2007 12:44:41 PM new
We weren't members of the Catholic church that invited us to participate and host these weekends/follow up meetings/etc.
We also participated in weekly meetings for young engaged couples. Asking them questions about what their expectations were for after they were married. Then we shared what our marriages had experienced. Sometimes each of our relationships had experienced. Their 'happily ever after' expectations were much different from the reality of long term marriage. lol
But it was all fun - and we got more back than we gave. And I'd encourage any married couple to attend any marriage enrichment program they can find. It's nothing but a very positive experience for the couples...and really helps put the focus BACK on the relationship....rather than on all the other distractions life throws our way.
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Helenjw
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posted on May 20, 2007 01:03:39 PM new
Linda states, "We also participated in weekly meetings for young engaged couples. Asking them questions about what their expectations were for after they were married. Then we shared what our marriages had experienced. Sometimes each of our relationships had experienced. Their 'happily ever after' expectations were much different from the reality of long term marriage. lol"
Oh, the horror...to begin a marriage like that.
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mingotree
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posted on May 20, 2007 01:16:51 PM new
My long term relationship started happily and continues happily.....I can't believe someone would get married expecting life to get worse!!!! I guess if you feel that way you act it out and have a lousy life together.
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roadsmith
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posted on May 20, 2007 01:50:04 PM new
I know this comes as a surprise to all my liberal friends here, but I do agree with Linda on this issue. All the big psychologists, including Dr. Phil, tell young couples to concentrate more on the marriage and less on the one-day wedding ceremony and party. They all include counseling.
Too many couples get married having never discussed children or not, money issues (who does the finances, etc.), and basic values (like politics, education, religion).
All of the couples in the group we started with and loved have stayed together--a sort of record these days. Most of them are still close friends.
_____________________
There is more to life than increasing its speed. --Mahatma Gandhi
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Helenjw
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posted on May 20, 2007 02:28:54 PM new
I don't agree that counseling is essential unless you are dealing with someone who has an emotional problem to begin with.
I can't imagine that any adult would consider marriage without knowing their partner's values.
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Linda_K
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posted on May 20, 2007 05:37:22 PM new
Too many couples get married having never discussed children or not, money issues (who does the finances, etc.), and basic values (like politics, education, religion).
All of the couples in the group we started with and loved have stayed together--a sort of record these days.
======================
It's nice to see there is at least ONE area where you and I are in agreement with one another.
And I FULLY believe if there were more classes like these we would be seeing a vast improvement in the divorce rates.
All these enrichment groups support the inst. of marriage. And give'tools' for those who might need them in the future.
Education even in the area of marriage is always helpful, imo. As we have geographically moved away from our families who used to fill in that need when a couple marry and begin their families. Now they're more isolated in that sense....and these groups 'act as family'. Which only means sharing more love with more people.
I'm glad that you and your husband were willing to share your personal experiences with others who share the same personal values and support for their marriages.
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kiara
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posted on May 20, 2007 06:17:14 PM new
I'm with Mingo and Helen on this one.
I can't imagine sitting in a group sharing thoughts with others about my own personal and loving relationship or advising others on theirs. And to do it once a week would be horrendous like having a job I would loathe going to.
This reminds me of the topics about sharing deep personal feelings with girlfriends and how we need to do that to become whole or whatever.
I'm not saying anything is wrong with it for some people and maybe that's what they need to make their relationships work and to stay happy but it's certainly not anything I would feel the need to do.
I've even heard of people having a check list with their partner and they review it once a week to see if they're holding up their part of the commitment and it boggles my mind.
JMHO
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Linda_K
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posted on May 20, 2007 06:49:44 PM new
Of course you'd be with helen and mingo.
You're attached to their hips. WHOA....what hips too. 
You're not married kiara.....haven't been....so you wouldn't have a CLUE as to the issues that hwahwa brings up in this thread. There are common issues in long term marriages.
You know....marriage...something your rock star isn't interested in. Groupies are so much more fun.....LOL
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mingotree
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posted on May 20, 2007 06:54:33 PM new
"""You're attached to their hips. WHOA....what hips too."""
OH OH she likes our hips!!!!!!!!
The things we don't know about linduh!!!!
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kiara
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posted on May 20, 2007 07:04:14 PM new
You're attached to their hips. WHOA....what hips too.
Ya, my legs look great also!
Linda_K, I expressed my thoughts from years of experience and I know exactly what I'm talking about and exactly how I feel and you don't because you are a different person with a different experience with a different man (or multiple men).
You don't know anything about my personal relationship and you never will. Unless you have some facts, CIUYA.
edited for spelling
[ edited by kiara on May 20, 2007 07:28 PM ]
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mingotree
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posted on May 20, 2007 07:11:33 PM new
Oh Kiara, (weird music and wisps of smoke around a crystal ball here) linduh sees all...knows all....even how lovely our hips are.....do not doubt the great Mystic linduh!
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kiara
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posted on May 20, 2007 07:18:35 PM new
Mingo, she likes us. She REALLY REALLY likes us. And she wants Helen. Like Helen said, it's creepy!
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Linda_K
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posted on May 20, 2007 07:18:57 PM new
Like I've said before, kiara. I KNOW from what you've posted here before.
Someone that has NOT experienced long term marriage can't have ANY idea of what it involves.
Just like those women who are childless....are talking without any experience of raising a child from birth to college.....
Sure they can have an opinion.....but with NO EXPERIENCE you talk about things you have NO CLUE about. LOL
THAT was my point.
So talk away. Knowing you've NOT been married....nor in a very long term marriage...we all know you're talking without any experience of marriage, children nor what all is involved in raising a family.
"While the democratic party complains about everything THIS President does to protect our Nation": "What would a Democrat president have done at that point?"
"Apparently, the answer is: Sit back and wait for the next terrorist attack." 
Ann Coulter
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kiara
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posted on May 20, 2007 07:28:14 PM new
Linda_K, it's your problem that you've chosen to assume so much about a complete stranger on a chat board and then make judgments according to your own assumptions.
I guess you missed this part of my last post when you choose to speak of things you know nothing of and have no links to support the claims you've made.
"You don't know anything about my personal relationship and you never will. Unless you have some facts, CIUYA."
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Linda_K
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posted on May 20, 2007 07:40:56 PM new
I dont play the game YOUR way kiara.
When you think it's okay for YOU to state things your don't know about me....then demand I NOT post things you have made us all aware of here.....by your own posts....
you're just delusional if you think I won't be posting those same things about you....when it's appropriate.
Like it is when discussions of long term marriages or raising a family are being discussed.
Just know that. You'll adjust. I have no doubt. Someday you'll learn you can't control MY actions.
It's taken years so far....lol.lol....but I have full confidence that someday you'll recognize that FACT.
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mingotree
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posted on May 20, 2007 07:42:01 PM new
linduh, your analogies are ridiculous:
DUH! Early scientists didn't know what going to the moon involved but we got there!
linduh, ""Someone that has NOT experienced long term marriage can't have ANY idea of what it involves.""
( Maybe they DO have an idea and didn't like it. Most people(not you) WEREN'T raised in a vacuum, they can see many examples of marriages throughout their lives. They can be in commited relationships without a piece of paper declaring it "official". What marriage is, or isn't, is hardly the biggest mystery in the world.)
"""Just like those women who are childless....are talking without any experience of raising a child from birth to college....."""
( I grew up in a family of 7 , I knew and interacted with many other families, I took care of many children...I KNEW what child rearing involved and because of that chose NOT to have children.)
"""Sure they can have an opinion.....but with NO EXPERIENCE you talk about things you have NO CLUE about. LOL"""
(Oh balls! YOU talk about things YOU have no experience in, no knowledge of all the time!)
[ edited by mingotree on May 20, 2007 07:42 PM ]
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