posted on April 10, 2001 08:01:00 PM
I'm on the computer 65% of the time.....OK, 75%. I share this computer with my better half.
Since I live in the country and most of my friends don't, they tend to email me instead of call, so I get quite a few emails each day.
When my b/h is home, he likes to sit in front of the computer and read all the "emails for the day" (NO emails are ever for him). At night, when I'm in here on the computer, he likes to come in and stand beside me and stare at the screen, sometimes asking me questions about what I'm looking at.
This really bugs me. Am I being silly? I don't think EVERYTHING is his business, but sometimes I feel like I'm over-reacting because I don't have anything to hide to begin with.
I've told him about it and he just shrugs it off like I'm over-reacting which makes me feel like breaking a wine bottle over his head.
Anyone else feel this way or do I need to get out more?
Terry
[ edited by kraftdinner on Apr 10, 2001 08:10 PM ]
posted on April 10, 2001 08:29:14 PM
My hubby does the same thing from time to time. He says he feels like I spend more time with my cyber friends than with him.
The situation is, he isn't much for conversation he comes home likes to read his mail and the newspaper, then dinner, then TV is on or CD's and he reads a book....but he likes having me in the same room...however,
the computer is in the only place there is for it, which is the office. So, I bring him up to date on some of the cyber space and then we spend time in the same room at least for a while. I used to feel he was being nosy but he just doesn't want to be left out.
After 39 years I don't take umbrage...or if I
do I tell him that it bothers me.
posted on April 10, 2001 09:21:22 PM
Kraftdinner,
Get a hotmail or other free mail account and send the address to all of your friends. And the next time hubby stands over your shoulder to look at the screen, fill him in on all the chatboard "dramas". His eyes will glaze over before they roll up in his head, and I'll wager that it will be the last time he ever asks "Watcha lookin at?"
posted on April 10, 2001 09:30:08 PM
I don't think you're over-reacting at all.
My husband tried that a few times but I turned the tables on him. We both work out of the house and our computers are next to each other. He's a "whatchadoing" kind of person and I'm not. But, when he started that with me while I was trying to work I'd just stop everything and do it to him.
He seldom ask anymore unless I'm ROFLMAO... then he'll still ask. But, that doesn't bother me.
posted on April 11, 2001 05:01:37 AM
It would drive me crazy. I can not handle it when someone stands over me or beside me when I am at the computer.
I don't do that to anyone else, (unless they have asked me to look at something) and I do not like anyone doing it to me. I think it has something to do with our own personal space. It is like this is my space, and yours is over by the door, stay 3 foot away from me. LOL
Maybe your husband just wants to be close to you, it may not just be to read the emails. He may want to spend time with you and thinks that is the way to do it.
That is why I only come on the computer when my husband is not at home or is safely watching TV. That way he can not crowd me.
posted on April 11, 2001 06:10:22 AM
There may be one other aspect to this. I've heard from many married men, including my own husband, that they envy their wives' ability to have close friends. There was a period of time when our children were small when my best friend Patty and I were on the phone for hours (e.g. during the Watergate hearings). We lived 4 blocks from each other!! but were stuck at home with small children. Hubby was very busy with career and complained once that I confided things in Patty that I hadn't talked with him about--but he was never there! (By the way, our marriage is a good one and has grown stronger over the years.)
When he first retired (early retirement), when the phone would ring and my friends were on the line, he'd sometimes chat with them for many minutes before turning the phone over to me. I think I correctly concluded that he needed the human contact, and it was okay with me--my friends thought it was cute and drew the same conclusions I did.
He does not read my e-mail, however, and I don't read his. But sometimes when I'm first getting into my email and he's standing there watching, I feel uncomfortable until he moves away--and I'm sure it's for all the reasons others have given in this thread.
posted on April 11, 2001 07:05:54 AM
This is an interesting topic...really hits home. I am married to a workaholic. He is always tapping away on his laptop in any room of the house he pleases at any time he pleases. No amount of hints, pleas, overt asking him to not work at home and ignore me and the rest of the family have worked....until I got my own computer! Now when he pulls his out to work, I just leave the room and go "work" on mine. No more words about his work...I have mine too. Guess what! He doesn't like me to ignore him! He often follows me and wants to know what I'm doing online etc. Having my own computer and online interests has been wonderful! Besides being fun and learning so much, it has helped the entire family dynamics. No one gets ignored anymore!
posted on April 11, 2001 11:34:08 AM
At least you all understand!!! I've been LMAO at your posts!
nettak - that's hilarious! I agree that we all need some invisible force-field around us (at times) that we can vary the distance on, etc.....3 feet sounds perfect!
I can appreciate that he wants to be close to me sometimes, but why does he only feel that way when commercials come on?? And what does coming in here and staring at the computer screen have to do with wanting to be close?
posted on April 11, 2001 11:38:10 AM
There you go Terry....Looooong winter.
By the way your personal space is no laughing matter for most of us it is the spread of our arms...thus keeping people at
"arms length" is in fact protecting our personal space.
posted on April 11, 2001 01:11:39 PM
kraftdinner - If I were you, I'd just ask my hubby the same questions that you ask here. See what he says...explain your feelings. I agree that we all need to have a 'personal space' to call our own. If his actions are making you feel uncomfortable, then tell him. Husbands aren't always the mind-readers we'd like to think they should be. (joking)
I can identify with your feelings, as it used to bother me to have my husband or our sons getting into my purse without asking. When our boys were young, I felt I had so little 'personal space' that I defended my purse with a vengence. There was nothing in my purse that I was 'hiding' but it was MY purse. I shared my feelings with them all, even sharing I felt silly making such a big issue out of this. But they understood it was important to me.
posted on April 11, 2001 03:34:27 PM
I've told him just what I've said here, but he always asks me what the big deal is. I never know what to say. I thought maybe there was a polite way to say buzz off I hadn't thought of .
I'm a private person (except here) and I guess I'm just not good at sharing my space. I'll have to work on that so it's not such a big issue. Maybe Vodka would help....
posted on April 11, 2001 04:39:00 PM
Ahhh! I am not alone!!!!
My husband will wait until I finally get a turn on the computer, then suddenly have a desperate need to hunt for something on the desk. He's only been sitting here on the computer himself for two hours, but as soon as it's my turn, he's rooting around in drawers and stuff. Drives me nuts. He knows it, too. I know it's hard to imagine, but I have no problem telling him he's crowding me.
He does not read all the email - that's my department, apparently. He will bid on something, then hound me every two hours once he wins it: "Did you hear from that seller yet?" Grrrr.
posted on April 11, 2001 05:02:53 PM
Well, I think that I'm the lucky duck here...My husband doesn't know HOW
to use a computer...and if he did, he would smash it with a sledge hammer!
posted on April 11, 2001 05:09:44 PMKatyD: That is exactly what I do. My hubby will sometimes come in and sit with me and I know he's thinking I'm up to no good (like having an internet affair or something). So I just start telling him what's going on with Auction Watch (or in my earlier days, the Young and the Restless message boards). Well, his eyes glaze over and he leaves!
It DOES drive me nuts when anyone looks at my computer screen, no matter what I'm doing. My daughter does it, my co-workers LOVE to do it. When I'm typing an e-mail, I put in a bunch of extra lines at the bottom so I can hit "page down" and my text will disappear. I can't stand "nosey noots".
posted on April 11, 2001 06:07:17 PM
It's really great to hear I'm not alone on this! Wonder what the psychology is behind it all?
It's starting to sound like most guys are the same. Mine also has a thing with the phone. If I'm ever on the phone, he starts searching for things near where I'm sitting (like MaddieNicks). If I move to another room, so does he. As soon as I'm off the phone, his searching is over.
I wonder if this is somehow related to mad-cow disease???????
posted on April 13, 2001 01:20:24 AMmint4you, No, no...Marry ME!!!
Oh, wait a minute, never mind, I already have a husband.
Actually he's a keeper, we just celebrated aniversary #12 on Tuesday. We talk about stuff like that. He is retired and at home 24/7 and I work full time so its a bit like the old stereotype in reverse. I come home dragging after dealing with "people" all day and he wants to chat about everything under the sun. Sometimes when I need some alonetime or am doing something on the 'puter and he comes in chatting, I just look at him and say "go away". He understands (and I don't abuse it).
Hey, it works with the dogs too.
[ edited by BlondeSense on Apr 13, 2001 01:24 AM ]
I've been LMAO at your posts!
