posted on June 24, 2001 04:29:13 PM new
The oldest/youngest thread got me thinking about this.
I was an only child, now raising a large family. Talk about winging it hehe
It's alot different watching my kids grow up than my childhood was. I thought it might be fun to hear experiences from people who did grow up in a large family.
Things that bugged you, things you liked about it, how many people did you have to share a room with, what family outings did you take, how did your parents handle the disagreements, any good large family recipes etc etc.
Oddish~ The Odd One
posted on June 24, 2001 04:55:45 PM new
I grew up in a family of four which was unusual for my parents' circle of friends - even in the 50s. Two of my sisters each have one child and the youngest sister has two boys. I'm the oldest and have no children. Ours was a bickering crowded family and I too often had to babysit both my siblings and my parents' friends' kids. I can honestly say that I never wanted children of my own - nieces and nephews are fine.
I don't know how my parents ever stood family vacations - a two day drive from Georgia to New York with four whining and teasing kids in the unair-conditioned car. We rivaled Bart and Lisa Simpson with our "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" My mother used to give us a prize each time we passed a state line - North Carolina and Virginia made us really antsy because it took so long to get through them.
posted on June 24, 2001 05:08:07 PM new
I have always heard that people from large families tend to have small families and those from large tend to have small. My husband is an only child and he wanted a big family....we had six. My mother was from a family of 8 and had just two. My husband's mother was from a family of 6 and, as I said, he was an only child. It's an over generalization, but it seems the pendulm swings with each new generation.
posted on June 24, 2001 07:35:24 PM new
I'm from a family of 6 children... my dad came from a family of 11 children, my mom from a family of 4 children..
Of the 6 of us (my sisters & brother), the oldest owns and operates 7 children (she always told me she wanted 10, I keep telling her to get busy she's three short), I have 1, another sister has 1, the next sister 3, the next sister 2 and baby brother has none for now.
I always shared a room with at least my older & just younger sister and can remember a time with all 5 of us girls in one room. We babysat the younger ones a lot and I can remember running away from home because we were sick of it. Of course we were babysitting at the time and took them with us so we wouldn't get into trouble. There was always someone to play with or to fight with, but we are fairly close now, so it worked out fine in the end.
posted on June 24, 2001 09:43:27 PM new
I am one of 10, eight girls and 2 boys. My father is the only boy out of 6 children and my mother is the youngest of out of a family of 4. I think my mother was making up for the fact that she was the baby of her family and she spent a lot of time away from home from a young age. She was sent to board at a ritzy girls school on the Gold Coast, so in a lot of ways she was like an only child, and probably very lonely as a child. I firmly believe that is the reason my mother continued to have babies, she needed to be needed and loved. Out of the 10 children, there are 19 grandchildren ranging in age from 33 years to 8 weeks. I myself have 3 and believe me that is plenty enough for me.
One funny story from my childhood is about one of my sisters, you know the sort everyone has at least one in every family, they are the one's who whine about everything and anything......Well mine likes to tell everyone about her childhood, and I swear I did not have the same parents as she did, or live in the same house, or for that matter I must not have lived on the same planet as she did. She was so deprived that she had to always be the one who sat on the corner of the table, near the table leg, when we had visitors......Well at least she got to sit at the table, the rest of us younger ones usually had to sit in the kitchen at a seperate table altogether. LOL
The oldest 2 in the family must have lived in a different time zone as well, because they were really poor according to them. You see I never knew we were poor, I always thought that we just did not have enough money to buy a new bike or a toy of some kind, we always had enough money for food and school needs or so it seemed. My older sisters' insist that we were poor, but I like to think we we rich, at least we always knew that we were loved.
I think the youngest 2 in the family did have some material things that the rest of us did not have, but to be honest I don't think it hurt us in anyway, and by the time the younger 2 were growing up our parents did not have all the rest of us at home to keep so they had a bit more money to spend on them.
I know exactly what you mean about the sister that seemed to have different parents! Her childhood was so different than any of ours! Every time I listen to her, I keep wondering...where was I? She sure has an imagination..
The thing I remember most about growing up the youngest of 8 girls, is that my parents brought down all the rules from the oldest to me.
There is a 26 year difference between the oldest and me, and most of the rules were so outdated!! So to them, I was one of the hardest to raise, because I rebelled! I found out that when my parents let up alittle on me...one of my sisters would call and complain that they let me do more than them...What was so funny about that...is that they had kids older than me, and their kids were alowed more freedom than me!
Edited because it is to early in the morning.
[ edited by ashadowdancer on Jun 25, 2001 04:36 AM ]
[ edited by ashadowdancer on Jun 25, 2001 04:40 AM ]
posted on June 25, 2001 05:24:41 AM new
I am an only child but my first wife was from a family of eight. Looking back I can see that the only reason she was desperate to marry was to get out of the house and on her own as soon as possible. I had no clue from my own life what a motivation that could be.
Of course as soon as she was out from under her parent's thumb her whole personality made a big change because she would not be punushed for saying or doing what she pleased.
posted on June 25, 2001 07:08:52 AM new
Hello Oddish - 'An only child, now raising a big family.'
Would you (or anyone else who has chosen to raise a large family) be willing to share why you wanted such a large family? I always thought I wanted to have 4 children....until our second son was born. Then I knew I'd reached my limit. Sometimes I think if he'd been the first born, he would have been an only child. (He was a great child, but a terrible baby until he was about 1 year old.)
My husband was an only child, and I laughed many times by his reactions to our sons as they grew up. He didn't understand why they did many of the things they did. Things he didn't experience as an only child....like sharing the attention of his parents with a sibling....sharing toys....personal items...the noise and fighting...etc.
Don't know how all of you who do have large families to raise, do it. With the cost of everything now-a-days, to the needed patience, to having enough time in one day to do all the chores and yet take the time to give individual love to each child....I have to admire your ability to do that.
posted on June 25, 2001 08:55:14 AM new
We were all close in age...
My eldest sister was 39 months old when the next was born, but all 12 were born within 18 years. I had a sister 15 months older than I and a brother 12 months younger.
Oddish...we attempted to solve our differences by ducking it out...though that never did go over real well with our Mom. I think that letting kids work out their differences (rather peacefully) as children prevents them from carrying over into adulthood.
We mostly wore hand me downs, but it still is not unusual for us to exchange clothing etc. among us.
***actually we tried to duke it out, though I do recall ducking on more than one occasion.
[ edited by BittyBug on Jun 25, 2001 08:57 AM ]
posted on June 25, 2001 09:13:50 AM new
I always wanted to be part of a large family, but only had one older sister. Our family was not very loving. Seeing the stories of others from large families reminds me of puppies playing and tugging, biting and snarling, then tumbling back together again in a large pile in the basket only to fall asleep nose to nose and butt to butt.
Grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it?
posted on June 25, 2001 09:41:00 AM new
Small family. Only a younger brother and I was almost six when he was born. So, I feel like I got the best of both worlds. For almost six years, I got undivided attention, then I got this neat baby boy that was much cooler than any of my dolls.
(I actually thought I'd "ordered" him because when my parents were leaving for the hospital, they asked if I want a boy or a girl and I said boy. When they called to tell me I did indeed have a baby brother, I thanked them like I would have for any gift they gave me.)
I taught him to walk. I taught him to ride a two-wheeler. We fought sometimes until I was about 16, then it all calmed down and it was "me and him" against "them." I never let anyone hit him, though if he pissed me off, I'd slap him. I loved being a big sister - mostly.
I never wanted children after I reached the age of 25. I think I realized that I'm a very difficult person to live with, and I'm also very solitary. I didn't want to inflict my eccentricities on a child. I don't have any regrets about not having children, but occasionally I wonder what it might be like if I had a twenty-something yr old daughter now. But I find the noises and needs of small children very annoying, so I know I made the right choice for me.
posted on June 25, 2001 12:09:23 PM new
HI everybody
Linda
When I was growing up I was very lonely. Everybody around me had brothers and sisters and a Dad. My house was quiet (well it was to me because I never heard myself LOL). When we went to the park or someplace like that families always played together and I would watch from the sidelines wishing I could play too. Daddy/daughter outings really sucked because I never got to go and if I did go it was just weird. But even beyond childhood now as an adult I still wish I had brothers and sisters to get together with or just call and chat or to be there for the important events in my life. My husband has 2 brothers and a sister which he isn't even especially close with but they still get together sometimes and my kids love getting together with their cousins and playing but that won't come from my side.
SOOOOOO
I swore my kids would never feel that way. They would always have someone in their lives even if I were gone and they do. It's more work than I thought but worth every minute. They aren't without conflict but for the most part they are fiercly loyal to each other, they have had to learn how to share and go without and think of other people before themselves and to work hard. There is just too much to do for me to do it all and they all pitch in from the oldest to the youngest. My oldest just got his first job doing work for people around the neighborhood. It's so nice to hear people say boy that kid sure has a good work ethic. Yipeee I did something right (that and he's just a good kid).
They all have friends but they prefer each other.
One thing that surprised me is how different they all are. Totally different personalities on each one of them so no cookie cutter parenting from one to the next. I don't know if all families are that way but I wasn't ready for it. All in all it turned out even better than I'd hoped
Hepburn
The puppy thing is so funny that is EXACTLY how my kids are. I often joke that I have a Peter Pan nursery. I'll put them to bed in their own beds in their own rooms and by morning they've all congregated together anyway
Bittybug
Ducking and duking both seem to fit LOL
Still sharing clothes? Now that is a great benefit I'd never thought of
Gravid
I wonder do you think it was because of being in a large family or just the way that particular family dynamic worked? Personally I think it's the way the family dynamic works.
Nettak
My kids don't realize they are poor either. I think of it as excellent Ebay training. They can pick out bargins in thrift shops almost as well as I can. They aren't about to pay retail with any money they earn if they can find it at a garage sale or thrift shop. I'm hoping this will come in handy later in life
posted on June 25, 2001 09:36:36 PM new
My immediate family isn't that large but I have some fun memories of summers spent with my cousins. All the families would end up at one of my aunt's houses and there'd be at least a couple dozen of us kids all fighting over floor/bed space to sleep in in one bedroom. Then, we'd stay up all night just talking.
One of the funniest experiences happened on a beautiful summer day when I was about twelve years old. There were at least 20 or more of us playing near a large creek in my cousin's back yard... we were taking turns swinging on a rope over the bayou and onto a little island. I don't remember what started the screaming but something happened and we all started screaming bloody murder... we were just playing. But, my mom and a half dozen assorted aunts and uncles all heard the screaming and thought that one of us was hurt. We looked up and saw them all flying down the hill toward us and knew we were going to be in really big trouble. So, we're all running our skinny little butts in a million directions - each of us trying not to be the one to get caught. I climbed a tree with four of my cousins. Our moms were so furious. The more they yelled for us to come down the more I knew I wasn't going to. Finally, well past midnight when we thought they were all asleep we finally climbed out of the tree... but, they weren't sleeping. My mom and three of her sisters had stayed up waiting for us and just as we got to the back door they jumped out and scared us half to death. Fortunately though, they decided that our hanging in a tree for hours was punishment enough.
posted on June 25, 2001 10:19:24 PM new
Mybid LMAO, I can just picture all the little kids' scrambling up trees and running for dear life. LOL
I can tell you that it was no walk in the park being part of such a big family. Some people do not understand and can be very cruel.....One thing that sticks out in my mind, was when one of my sisters' died in a car crash. I can remember other kids' laughing and asking how we all fitted into the church for the funeral service. I ran home crying to my father, who told me that some people are ignorant and to ignore them, but that was easier said than done. That memory has stayed with me for 30 years, and still makes me feel sad just thinking about it.
Gravid that is sad that your wife's parents were so strict, we were lucky because although our parents were strict with us, we were always allowed to be ourselves, the only real thing I can remember my father cutting me down for was, a) walking down the road without shoes on my feet.......dad thought only peasants and common people went bare feet to the shops...but I was only 13 at the time. b) This one was a big no no, and I must have given my poor father a near heart attack, because it was a time when cheesecloth was big and so were skimpy little halter tops....what better way to wear them but with out anything on under them. NO NO NO my Italian father hit the roof, so I wore a bikini top under it when he was around. LOL
posted on June 26, 2001 07:48:59 AM new
Oddish.... The really funny part is that several years later, our younger sisters were babysitting our brother and decided they were sick of it. So they loaded him into the wagon with some of their stuff and off they went. I guess they didn't want to get into trouble either. My Mom got a kick out of that one, she couldn't wait to tell us older girls about our copycat sisters.
I was just thinking, my parents were quite strict as well and my older sister couldn't wait to be gone. I played more of a compromise game as I am a more peaceable sort. (although I continue to practice being cranky) But, while my parents were strict, they allowed us to be who we were... consequently, I learned a bit about fixing cars and did a stint as a carpenter in my past. I've always appreciated that about them.
LMAO, I can just picture all the little kids' scrambling up trees and running for dear life. LOL