posted on July 1, 2001 01:26:40 PM new
While reading the obituaries in my local paper, I came across a first (in our area):
"Personal condolences to the family may be made online to www.(funeral home)funeral.com."
I accept that letter writing is a lost art, and I love staying in touch via email with those far away, but to send condolences via email is just plain tacky.
It takes only a moment out of ones life to hand write a few words of sympathy. No one should be that busy.
The recipient would be appreciative that you made the time to remember them and their loved one.
posted on July 1, 2001 01:43:17 PM new
I'll agree with you on that Femme, the personal touch matters so much in receiving a handwritten note or card at such a sad time.
I can't imagine emailing my condolences, unless it was a public figure I didn't know personally, in which case I probably wouldn't be sending any personal expression at all.
I just can't figure a situation where emailing condolences would be appropriate, then again, perhaps it's my lack of imagination?
posted on July 1, 2001 01:52:44 PM new
E-mailing condolences would seem hollow to me. I felt the same way about the funeral palors that had the drive thru for paying the last respects. If you haven't got time to get out of your car why bother?
posted on July 1, 2001 02:46:54 PM new
There's an old saying: It's the thought that counts.
Nowadays, you're lucky if people even considering sending or expressing condolences at all. Would you rather play prima donna and watch the tradition fade away altogether, or put aside your traditional expectations and graciously accept heartfelt sentiments that just happen to have been sent by e-mail rather than snail mail?
Btw, Femme, I think Emily Post would have been a more approprate choice for this forum, lol.
posted on July 1, 2001 03:34:52 PM new
Personally, it wouldn't bother me a bit. We typically send a mass card out to friends who suffer the loss of a person in their lives, but there have been some not so close people to whom I felt a bit odd about sending a card. The email option would have ensured that I did extend my sympathies.
Considering the amount of time I spend on my computer, when I pass away, I would think it a kick to have my family receive condolences via email. They would take some comfort, I'm sure, in have to "check Mom's email" perhaps for the last time...But then again, I feel that death should be a celebration of a person's life. After my dear uncle passed away last year, instead of the typical after the funeral gathering at nice quiet private restaurant we went to the Sizzler, cause it was his favorite place to eat. We gathered together, ate, and reminisced about the wonderful times we all had with him.
posted on July 1, 2001 03:39:30 PM new
I send cards or notes also. But I figure that when Hallmark first started making cards, the people who always wrote a personal note thought that was tacky. I'm 46 and the email version of a sympathy note makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps if I were 26 I'd look at it differently.
posted on July 1, 2001 04:03:09 PM new
There is a back lash even among some of the young. I recently meet a high school senior that carries two sets of cards. One his standard business card with his contact info. and his secretaries contact and the other an oversized card with
his non - business contact info small color picture and room for a short note.
posted on July 1, 2001 06:34:56 PM new
I send e-cards for almost everything. There are several wonderful sites that have beautiful e-cards. Just to say hello, thinking of you, wish you were here, for birthdays, all the holidays we celebrate, thank you's, etc.
And yes, I've sent two e-cards in sympathy. One to our neighbor when they lost their rotweiller dog (the e-card had a picture of one that looked just like theirs) and another time when a very close cousin of mine died, I sent an e-card to her for the loss of her mother. I wrote a note on what her mother had meant to me in my childhood. (She and I email often.) She wrote back telling me how much my words comforted her in her loss.
For me, never having been one who was good about writing letters to anyone, the internet and it's email abilities has changed all that. My family members, and friends, now hear from me on a regular basis, when they hadn't for many years.
posted on July 1, 2001 08:06:13 PM new
Some of us have much better penmanship when we e-mail than when we write!
More honestly, though, I hated going to the mail box when my dad died.
So many forms and documents.
It was really overwhelming.
The condolences were appreciated, but were shortlived because of the necessary responsibilities/obligations that were also in the mailbox that day.
I like the idea of electronic condolences.
The time I spend in front of this monitor is mine alone. My mail belongs to me, somehow more personally. It seems that everyone who stops by while a family is grieving reads the condolence cards that have been sent.
I'm not sure how that became part of paying one's respects, yet I understand the need to share.
When it comes to matters of the heart, I like my privacy.
*wow*
Didn't know I had such a strong opinion on this!
posted on July 2, 2001 01:25:47 AM new
Now this is a topic I have recent experience with. When my dad died a month ago, I sent out the announcement to a lot of people by way of email. You see, I'd been keeping family & friends up to date on his and my own health that way for the past year or so already. So it seemed a natural thing to do for those far away. For some of them, it was quicker than sending a letter so that they may have had the opportunity to come for the services (not having a phone number for them).
In turn, I received a lot of condolences via email back. It didn't bother me a bit and otherwise I may not have heard from some of them at all. Now don't get me wrong, I used to be a tremendous letter writer and miss sending & receiving them. But I spend so much time on the computer anymore, that email is the best way to reach me. Even versus calling (we don't have a second line, so if I'm online they can't get through unless they page me). I ended up printing all of them out and sharing them with Mom and hubby as well as took them to the memorial too. So I still had a printed letter.
But I did hand write all of my thank you cards for my wedding gifts!
Hippy wannabe 
~^~