posted on May 15, 2005 12:51:57 PM new
I don't have a huge amount of friends because I'm blunt and have lost friends that get hurt by what I say. Here's an example: a girl friend of mine was going to a wedding. When I was visiting, she showed me the dress she was going to wear and asked me what I thought. I told her it looked like the lining of a coffin. She was mad at me for almost a year. Thing is, I have 2 friends that are as blunt as I am with me and I worship them for that. Which would you rather have - a friend that says what you want to hear or a friend that's honest?
posted on May 15, 2005 01:06:40 PM new
I can see why you have few friends.Im surprised the woman ever spoke to you again.That was probably one of the most important days of the womans life and you tell her that her wedding dress looks like sh*t??? Are you some kind of idiot??-Unbelieveable
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Baseball season has started,but they have it all wrong.3 strikes and you're out,4 balls you walk.I can tell you right now a man with 4 balls could not possibly walk
She was going to a wedding. Not getting married. In that case, I'd want to know if the dress was ugly or not to save me the embarrassment.
I'd rather have an honest friend. Honest, but tactful. If I wanted to hear what I wanted to hear, I'd ask a stranger who would be more inclined to lie.
posted on May 15, 2005 01:30:41 PM new
She wasn't the bride Classic, she was a guest.
Ron, it's like if someone asked you if they looked fat (old, whatever). What's wrong with saying, "yes, you look fat".?? If you said no, you're being dishonest with them.
posted on May 15, 2005 01:35:19 PM new
okay krafty-misunderstood ya got my apologies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baseball season has started,but they have it all wrong.3 strikes and you're out,4 balls you walk.I can tell you right now a man with 4 balls could not possibly walk
posted on May 15, 2005 01:51:10 PM newWhich would you rather have - a friend that says what you want to hear or a friend that's honest?
The honest one in a NY minute. Honesty is a very important trait/value to me. So if I find out another can't be/won't be honest with me...how can I trust anything else they say? I can't.
My friend that was just visiting is what you're referring to as 'blunt'. I LOVE knowing if I ask her anything I'm going to get an honest answer....even if it's hurtful. If I was concerned about being hurt...then I shouldn't have asked the question to begin with. Otherwise...to me, that's just wanting your vanity to be puffed up.
posted on May 15, 2005 02:23:26 PM new
I was fired from a job for being blunt. The powers to be had hired a gal for our department. She had overstated her qualifications and remained employed only because of her connections within management. Myself and several co-workers had saved he butt on numerous occasions, did her job...and on and on. Then we were told that she was to going to be promoted to a supervisory position, our boss. Upon hear this, I thought to myself there is no way in hell she is going to be my boss! I began to think about getting another job. Before I got around to doing that they decided to have a costume party in celebration of Halloween. You could dress up in costume if one so desired. Well our new boss came dressed as a Cowgirl, and she asked me, if i liked her costume. I had been drinking and really cared not if I made her mad or not, so I replied: You look more like a girl cow than a cowgirl. I thought it was an accurate assessment due to her portly appearance, she didn't feel it was fair or funny.
posted on May 15, 2005 02:52:04 PM new
I think we're a minority, Linda but it sure would be fun if we had a day of honesty once a week where everyone in the world had to be honest for 24 hours. Can you imagine?
Hillbilly, you were fired because of that?? That's terrible. I hope you have a good job now and that you run into her the day you win the lottery.
posted on May 15, 2005 02:56:12 PM new I'd ask a stranger who would be more inclined to lie...
Cheryl, why would a stranger be more inclined to lie? I'd think they'd be more inclined to say what they want, as they dont know you and have nothing vested in you or your feelings.
btw, kraft, it's all in the delivery, imo. There's a good way to do it and a messed up way. I've done both and felt the repercussions of each and I'd rather be graceful if I can, if youre talking about a friend.
.
[ edited by dblfugger9 on May 15, 2005 03:11 PM ]
posted on May 15, 2005 03:09:31 PM new
Kraft-even thou you were being honest,I really think you could have used more tact and demeanor.Instead of saying the dress looks like a coffin liner, you should have ask
"Whens the funeral"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baseball season has started,but they have it all wrong.3 strikes and you're out,4 balls you walk.I can tell you right now a man with 4 balls could not possibly walk
posted on May 15, 2005 03:23:29 PM new
I once told my roommate that "if she could take her boyfriends d!%k she could take a joke." That didn't go over well with her. The guy was a jerk, and everyone who knew him thought so. She hasn't talked to me since, and that was 8 years ago. Good riddance. I hope that was blunt enough.
posted on May 15, 2005 03:30:35 PM new
No that wasn't the single reason for my termination. Several days before the party, I had pissed her off. I was study a schematic and in a scolding fashion she asked me: "what i was doing?" I told her that it was a concept foreign to her called "thinking", she ran off mad. Their reason for firing me was bad attitude, I told them not worry, my attitude would improve dramatically, knowing I could stay home and draw un-employment.
posted on May 15, 2005 03:41:22 PM newwhere everyone in the world had to be honest for 24 hours. Can you imagine?
Yes, but what I imagine would be imo a horror story...or multiple horror stories.
Can't imagine all the so-called friendships that would be destroyed if they told them how they REALLY felt about them. So much easier to talk about them behind their backs...but to their faces...say what they think they're 'expected' to say.
And most countries would be ready for war should that day approach when all the diplomates said what they're thinking.
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Four More Years....YES!!!
posted on May 15, 2005 03:48:52 PM new
Linda, thats not friendships to me. I too, have a few people I call friends, but we know and accept each others weaknesses as well as strenghts. Now as far as dressing goes, if a friend of mine has different taste than me, and asks what I think, I might say, well, you know me, I dont go for that chiffon stuff (or whatever) but you look good. How do you feel in it? Then maybe say (just add a belt or whatever.) I mean, if thats HER taste and she's already bought the dress....what should you do try to make her feel totally stupid and ugly wearing it? Friends arent family, imo where you can say what you want especially if a friend has that much different taste than you that you have to tell them its off? I know a woman who I am friendly with, who has a really big pear ass. She wears it fairly well, but occassionally she doesnt. But I would never say to her your giant bus ass is really showing in those shorts, suzie. I just wouldnt.
.
[ edited by dblfugger9 on May 15, 2005 03:59 PM ]
posted on May 15, 2005 04:01:10 PM new
dbl - What you are describing to me is whether one is 'tactful' or not.
What I am calling 'so-called friends' are those who really aren't your friend at all. Those phoney women do exist...and will say one thing to yourself and another when you're not around.
And in KD's example...saying what she said, the way she said it [as reported ]...was being honest...**not making it personal** or insulting to the 'friend'.... like 'leave it to you to purchase something that belongs in a coffin'. Now to me ...that's not being 'blunt' but rather ...rude.
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Four More Years....YES!!!
posted on May 15, 2005 04:07:04 PM new
dbl - When you mention friends vs family...saying friends are not family. I've stated before 'really TRUE friends' aren't acquaintances...friendly acquaintances.
To me...my true friends are much closer than my own family. I got to chose them for the traits they have that I admire...I didn't get to do that with my family members.
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Four More Years....YES!!!
posted on May 15, 2005 04:10:52 PM new
Right Linda I understand what youre saying. And most friends can joke and tell each other what they think, but I guess where the dynamics of the friendships are at plays a big role in that.
posted on May 15, 2005 04:14:02 PM new
yes about the family thing linda. but maybe its me, but there are some places I dont want to go with my friends and not hardly with my family either. I dont know if friendships are unconditional, or stuck with like family tho. I think theres some conditions that are understood for friends and when they are broken,thats why people part, or are no longer friends.
.
[ edited by dblfugger9 on May 15, 2005 04:20 PM ]
posted on May 15, 2005 04:44:37 PM new "When I was visiting, she showed me the dress she was going to wear and asked me what I thought. I told her it looked like the lining of a coffin."
I would find that funny, KD. I prefer honesty and most of my friends know that if they ask me a question that I will answer it honestly. On the other hand, I know when it's appropriate to use discretion in situations where more consideration is needed.
posted on May 15, 2005 04:49:24 PM new
Linda, tell me what you think of tbis?
I just recently saw an outfit I thought was nice. Work casual nothing extravagant And a friend of mine who just started a job and is living on a low budget mentioned she's been struggling with clothes. So I bought her the outfit and sent it to her. She called me up and said thanks. So I said, do you like it? And she said yeah. Not real enthused, (but that could have been other factors too.) So I said, are you just telling me that, not to hurt my feelings? And she said, "no, I like it. I'm gonna wear it"
But after I hung up with her, I thought to myself" either she didnt like it that much, or was somewhat prided off that I would think *I* needed to buy her clothes? Or things are so bad nothing makes her day kinda of thing? But then I thought about it and said to myself, well, if she had said, nah, I dont like it, it doesnt fit me right, its rayon I dont like how it irons -- whatever-- I'm sure I would have understood,.. but still been somewhat hurt.
So whatever is in her mind (and I do think she will wear it as it is her colors and stuff), I chuckled to myself that she handled it well no matter what she really decides to do. And I admired her graciousness to me, even if she was lying I understand the motive.
posted on May 15, 2005 04:58:54 PM new
dbl - How very kind of you to do such a loving thing for your friend. But I do have a problem with you're not believing her honest reply. That's exactly what I mean about 'playing games' with one another, not really knowing if she's being truthful with you or not. At least you sound like you're sceptical of her true feelings. And I understand, over the phone it's even harder.
But if the same had happened to me...and I felt uncomfortable about whether or not she was telling me truthfully...I would have explained how I was feeling...and whatever her answer was...I'd accept that as being true. If it's not...how would you really ever know? You wouldn't.
But that's what I mean when I say that by not being directly honest about one's feelings to and with another...we end up in the spot you share you're now in....wondering. And not feeling as great as you would had she screamed I love it....or thanks for your thoughtfulness but it's just not me...type of reply.
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Four More Years....YES!!!
posted on May 15, 2005 05:09:12 PM new
lol linda. we have always done things like that for each other. She sends me stuff she thinks I might be able to sell on ebay now. we like to get mail from each other..
I did accept what she said, ,but yes, I had to wonder. But as I said there's some other things going on with her so, I dont want to put up a defense out of insecurity. She may have been telling me the truth, and basically I was left to accept that or not. But maybe also, she was not in the mood to complain. I get like that sometimes. It's just easier at the moment, and it doesnt really matter in the long run.
posted on May 15, 2005 05:27:49 PM new
"Or things are so bad nothing makes her day kinda of thing?"
db-I didnt realize you and crow were friends
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Baseball season has started,but they have it all wrong.3 strikes and you're out,4 balls you walk.I can tell you right now a man with 4 balls could not possibly walk
posted on May 15, 2005 05:31:49 PM new
LOL Classic! ...that will be the day some angels made! I dont think her and I walk any of the same roads. Besides what I gather, she is the type of friend when she's upset with you will put it in your face. Friends like that are not what this chickie wants or needs. * I shun that sh* real fast.
posted on May 15, 2005 05:42:05 PM new
"Linda, thats not friendships to me. I too, have a few people I call friends, but we know and accept each others weaknesses as well as strenghts."
yes Linda-me and db are very close friends.I have no problem pointing out her weakness's to her-doesnt know a golf club from an ashtray,and likes to drive with her head up her ass in the passing lane doing the speed limit.-Hey I accept her weakness's and Im sure shes glad that I point them out to her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baseball season has started,but they have it all wrong.3 strikes and you're out,4 balls you walk.I can tell you right now a man with 4 balls could not possibly walk
posted on May 15, 2005 05:46:15 PM new
LOl! And likewise, classic, my new vendio paramour. When you fall over mothers may I or simon's sez's line, as you occassionaly do, I have to straighten you out and keep you right...
edit to add: and if that doesnt work I'll just have to send a jombie up yer breathalizer kazzoo
[laffingg....]
[ edited by dblfugger9 on May 15, 2005 05:54 PM ]
