posted on August 24, 2004 08:35:42 AM new
i'm new here. i don't know if you can help me. at this point i'm not sure anyone can help me.
i have been selling on ebay off and on for more than five years. i had a job that paid well, but three years ago i was laid off. and at that point i turned to selling full-time. i did see the layoff coming. i suspected for a couple years before it happened that soon there would no longer be work at any company for people who did the kind of work i did & that is just what happened.
the first couple of years selling full time things were great. true i wasn't making as much as i had been in the real world but i was getting by and loving the freedom that working at home gave me.
2004, though has been a complete disaster. lost one non-ebay outside income source, bidding slowed down and then this summer came to a near-complete halt. NPBs mushroomed and what is almost worse, the number of unfair & unjustified neg feedbacks soared. i guess it has become a sport for some people, leaving negative feedback. i wonder if they realize they are doing real damae to real people. i can't afford to pay ebay (oh, excuse me "staretrade" $20 each to have mean comments removed. 4 days after an auction ends the bidder leaves me a neg calling me a CROOK. never paid. thank you ebay.
i have run through all my savings this year week after week. i can see where this is headed. i have retirement money put away in a 401k/ira but dare not touch that.
i can no longer pay most of my bills, like the cc bills.
most days i don't even want to get out of bed. it seems hopeless to keep listing on ebay but what else is there to do? i have to have money, and a little money is better than non at all. my cc will soon be maxed out, though and then i won't be able to list either.
i have started talks with a bankruptcy lawyer as i do not see any other way out. problem is the bankruptcy courts want you to make a plan to prove that you won't get into the same fix again after bankruptcy. after 3 years of ebaying i have no idea what else to do with my life. i can't go back to what i was doing before ebay. i can't go back to the job i had before that either. i feel unfit for anything at all.i think i am depressed(?) at 51 years of age i am told that older workers are no longer welcome in the workforce.
what makes it worse is that my bf lives here too & he goes between wanting to be helpful and then yelling at me because i don't spend every waking moment looking at job listings. we have been together about 10 years, bought this house togerther, never married. he doesn't understand ebay, doesn't want to, only knows his tech job, could never understand why i wanted to make a living this way. he think's you're nobody if you don't work in the tech world. he also think's he knows more about ebay selling than i do, though he has only bot one thing and never sold anything at all. so if i'm not succeeding it is "obviously" because i'm not as smart as he is. everyday he starts in on me about the situation and i just want to go back to bed & pull the covers over my head.
well this has gotten way too long and theres probably not much point to it so forgive me for rambling on. i still do not see a way out but maybe this let go a little stress.
posted on August 24, 2004 09:06:28 AM new
Tom is right. It sounds like you are depressed and have every right to be. I was laid off from my job in July and I know exactly what you are going through. It is a very difficult situation. The last thing you need is someone giving you a hard time.
Ebay is just like any other business. It has it's ups and downs. Sometimes it is worth waiting it out and sometimes it's not. Only you can decide about your future.
Tom was also right about the dog. Dogs don't criticize, judge, blame or hold grudges. They just love you. Most people could learn a lot from a dog.
posted on August 24, 2004 09:26:03 AM new
Southwest, I`m 55, have been selling on eBay since 98, had a heart attack in 01. My advice, Don`t Give Up! Depending on what kind of items you sell & where you live, you could have a garage sale, sell at weekend flea markets, keep listing-ignoring the negs & deadbeats. Don`t let the BF control your life & self-worth, he dosn`t sound very supportive anyway! He`s not the boss of you. I list from Sept to May, sell at shows all summer, love that cash in hand, eBay all winter. I know all about getting into a negative attitude, happens to me all the time, the only way out is to realize & recognize that you CAN work your way out of it! Call your CC co`s, let them know that things are slow, I`m sure they will cut you some slack, & KEEP LISTING! Things always seem to work out if you can just give yourself an attitude boost. Good Luck & Get Cracking!
posted on August 24, 2004 09:42:25 AM new
I feel the pain brother! There are two of us in our business. First, this year, we were laid off! We had a full time retail store too for 15 years and had to close it up this year. Been on Ebay (and other sites) since 1998 and now total death on there too!!
Dont even get pay anymore. One guy got a new pair of boots off us on ebay and now claiming fake and all! So Paypal is looking to give him his money back and these are brand new in box boots. I never saw so many headaches in my life on ebay.
So now our only sole income is now just about ended. Two of us on Ebay and dying here.
Then this morning Ebay emails us and tells us we loose our Power seller status! Oh well! I think this month WE will keep the money and not ebay.
So now we sit here and look at this huge pile of inventory.
So dealing with bills, non payers, loosers and all I do feel the pain.
And to top this, we cannot find a job in our field. You walk in and they see a 42 year old loser coming in. Right out the door man.
posted on August 24, 2004 09:59:11 AM new
Same here. 53 years old Worked for a company for 18 years. bought out about 2 years ago, laid me off last year. I had severance, 401K, unemployment. I started selling on ebay 5 years ago. I do store accounts as well. I also accumulated a large inventory. I now do contract work for state of new york, penn, NJ. Know about the older worker thing, it stinks. You are worth nothing. Thank Bush and company!
Best bet is to do the bankrupsy thing in your condition. Your 401 K is protected from bankrupsy in most cases. Once the bankrupsy is over, use your 401K if you have to. A retirement is not good if you cannot live until you get there. I had enough assets and reduced my spending to get out of filing, but for a while, it looked close. I will not say I am out of the woods, but getting better after selling my house.
You are not alone. You can also email me to discuss the situation. I might have some help, or even just someone to talk to. You can email me at [email protected]. Make sure you put "Attention Don" in the subject line.
What are you guys selling that is not selling. I am doing really well on ebay right now, but I am working a well paying full time TEMPORARY job. Got a lot of inventory to sell??? what you got?
Lose the BF. He will get it someday, but until then, he has not idea. It is easy for a old maid to find fault with a married women's children.
posted on August 24, 2004 10:00:00 AM new
Tom's advice was right on target. HOwever, it may be hard for you kick out the BF if you bought the house together. You do genuinely sound depressed and counseling could do you a world of good.
I wish you health and happiness! Find the right counselor and go from there.
___________________________________
"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. You can see
that when you think how the friends that really listen to us are the ones we move
toward, and we want to sit in their radius as though it did us good, like
ultraviolet rays.
"Our communication skills improve when we can open to be aware of the needs of
the other person. When we listen, we can release the filters that serve our
own needs for security and receive the message with our compassionate heart.
And when we speak, we can choose words that the listener is able to receive.
True communication happens when we harmonize with the other individual."
-- Brenda Ueland
posted on August 24, 2004 10:09:09 AM new
Quote: "Call your CC co`s, let them know that things are slow, I`m sure they will cut you some slack
You're kidding right ?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NO, credit card companys do it all the time. Especially these days. They would rather have a little than nothing at all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are severly depressed and you need to get professional help fast. If you can't afford a psychiatrist, go to a public health facility, tell them your story and get on an anti-depressant. Kick the negative influence out of your life, get a pet and remember that there are lots of others who are in the same boat.
Hang in there.
posted on August 24, 2004 10:51:54 AM new
Hi
Boy that sucks.
But, I don't think "kicking out the boyfriend" is real practical advice since you "bought the house together"
Now, I know my Mom is right, get the marriage certificate!
Then, screw ebay for now, you are talking half equity in a 10 year old investment.
Unless you live in upper buttcrack, that does add up to some decent money.
Then call all the temp agencies and get a job. Sure it may be crappy, but it gets you out of the house and some money coming in.
Hell, I used to freelance, a lot, lived on the procedes of one summer gig for two years. BUT, ("everyone has a big but Simone" you need to get positive cash flow-ola. I never turned down freelance work, it was keeping my name in the universe and my bod in the "network"!
You can, as you well know, do ebay part time.
It may be that you had Unemployment Insurance? Did that run out?
Another brainstorm: write up a business plan and show it to your BF (I can think of an epithet that would fill that little abbreviation, and at times I am sure you can too....ahem). OTOH, he may already have preconceived notions, who can really know what he merits as your success rate. How can you shift that paradigm? Esp during down times? sheesh, love!
Men, no offense to all of them, are not of the same expectation level that they were in my Dad and Grandfather's generation. They don't necessarily look to be the sole financial support of their SI.
I also say, shame on him for not supporting your dream. Kind of telling of his charactor.
BUT, he is NO reflection on YOU.
You TRIED even though right now it it's a rocky patch, you have the entrepreneurial spirit, he's a tech "lovin'" his job as much as Dilbert, I bet, and counting off the minutes until he can actually do something he loves.
All the best.
BTW, a new ID and a fresh start isn't the end of the world on ebay.
Good luck.
J
~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~
Avatar wish list....
posted on August 24, 2004 11:06:39 AM new
southwest,
what do you sell on ebay and why are the negs unfair ??
are you relying on dropshippers to ship your goods??
It sounds like you are burnt out,continue listing items which dont sell is not going to help your situation??
If you have been with this guy for 10 years,why dont you ask him to read this forum and get a better understanding of what you are going thru??
My advice is to stop listing on ebay for the time being,solicit your BH to help you thru this difficult time.
No,dont get a dog to replace your better half,dog cant support itself and cant find a job in the technical world.
-sig file -------we eat to live,not live to eat.
Benjamin Franklin
posted on August 24, 2004 11:18:02 AM new
Yes Tom is right again except you can't kick the BF out but you can't continue to let him run you down either!!! Sounds like he is your major problem. Have him buy you out of the house and take the profit to pay down some of the cc debt and rent an apartment you can afford.
Find out what is selling on ebay at what time (it DOES change all the time) and sell that. Educate yourself the ebay way and you can make money.
But today I think you should take a long walk in a place you love - if you don't have a place you love - you need to go find one.
Hang in there - it will all work out.
posted on August 24, 2004 11:23:58 AM new
Southwest - I'm so sorry for the way things are going for you. A girl doesn't need all that, 'specially at 51 - that's a rough time anyway. I agree about getting any old job, something just to bring in the bucks and get you out and among other people than the BF. You could also sell on eBay part time - perhaps a different type of item (is it SW jewelry?). You can also e-mail me to just chat or vent - [email protected]. You should have come here sooner - see how caring everyone is?
posted on August 24, 2004 11:24:14 AM new
everybody loved mr. peabody. a dog in glasses, how cute is that.
thanks for making me smile.
while everything i said about bf is true, he has tried to help out. not with the actual ebay work, he won't dirty his hands doing shipping or such but he has paid some bills when by rights it was my turn to pay them, most recently the mortgage. he does actually have a generous spirit i think, its just that when he met me i was working in tech as well. i guess there was something about having a techie gf that appealed to him especially. never adjusted to the career change.
but ya know, ive always wanted to run my own business and i never had any doubt i'd be good at it. thats part of what is getting me down; apparently im NOT any good at it. so what's left? its dark and i can't see.
posted on August 24, 2004 11:35:09 AM new
Would you mind telling us what kind of techie job you had? Is there any kind of service you can offer on ebay??
posted on August 24, 2004 11:42:14 AM new
southwest,
you are not the only one who is losing money selling on internet,some are just too stupid to know they are losing money or some just do not want to know.
Whenever the entry barrier is low,you are going to find many wannabes who want to try their luck,thats how ebay got us,30 cents to try ladyluck!
Let me just repeat,if the two of you have been together for 10 years,dont ditch him for a dog or sell your interest in house for an apt,have him make the mortgage payment,grocery bill and whatever he can afford ,you dont have a job,your stuff do not sell on ebay and you have been eating negs.
This trend will continue - if you keep listing,you will max out on your credit card,you will eat more negs and you will feel more burnt out and depressed.
So stay away from ebay for the time being,go to the library and read a book or magazine ,
Or go to Barnes and noble,they have plenty of newspapers,magazines and books.
i hope it does not offend you-have you been paying attention to your appearance??
-sig file -------we eat to live,not live to eat.
Benjamin Franklin
posted on August 24, 2004 11:55:27 AM new
Southwest
Just to make sure it is clear, when I said Tom was right about the dog, I didn't mean I thought you should dump your boyfriend for a dog. I meant that we ALL could learn some things from dogs.
You are the only one who can decide what is best for you. You have to take all the advice you receive here and everywhere else, then put it together with your life, your boyfriend and your business. Then you and only you have to make the decisions. Because you are the one who has to live with that decision.
Be kind. Everyone is fighting their own secret battles.
...Author Unknown
posted on August 24, 2004 12:10:26 PM new
I am sure that there are many on this board that would be able to say lkike me that they have also been through times like you are describing, when there seems to be no way out. The problem is, that when you are depressed, it is hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel, but believe me, it IS there. Things always work out in the end. I agree that you need professional help, but you also need a support system, and I strongly advise you to find friends or family that will be there to support you at a difficult time. If you don't have that option, why don't you try contacting the pastor of a church or support group leader, who can direct you to someone who will help you. We all need someone at times, and I can assure you, that if you can summon up the strength to look, there will be people out there who will be a help and not a hindrance to you. Don't give up, you will get through this. I know that if you need help with eBay problems, there are some great people on this board who will do that, and others who will just be an encouragement to you.
posted on August 24, 2004 12:31:55 PM new
Sounds like the BF isn't so bad after all - maybe just trying to adjust to these changes too. I guess I am lucky as I have a wonderful supportive husband - who is proud of my hard work on ebay.
Christmas is coming up and things will improve any day now. If you aren't selling now - take this time to get ready for the big buying season. May get a temp job to help out too. Then after the first of the year you can regroup and make some major decisions. Good luck and keep us posted.
Amber is correct - the people on this board are so willing to help - it's just incredible. It's up to you if you want to give us more information about your sells but be sure that many will be here to help if we can.
posted on August 24, 2004 01:19:01 PM new
Don't get discouraged!! Amber is right when she says there always IS a light at the end of the tunnel. Running your own business is so difficult sometimes and sometimes it gets hard to muster up a tough resolve and a stomach for the uncertainty and stress of not knowing when your next "paycheck" is coming in. Believe me, I know- I'm pretty much drowning in old debt and trying desparately to consolidate and the whole thing gets me so down that I almost hate to think about it but it doesn't go away like that. Support is so important and sometimes even the people that love you have a hard time understanding what it means to be there for someone emotionally.
When I get discouraged about my finances and my self-worth in this capitalist economy, I think of people I know who have been doing this for years, and I don't mean ebay. My dad started his own business 25 years ago and he was an immigrant with a grade 8 education. And he's struggled as well as cashed in and gone back and forth. That keeps me thinking that there ARE people doing it out there. It CAN happen. Of course, as mentioned earlier, you need to be honest with yourself and your business. Don't be afraid to ask people for their help, though. People can be totally supportive and helpful, it's true. Even strangers- look at this board! A counselor of some sort is always a good idea, from a therapist to a group or to your spiritual beliefs, outside people can give you objective support and let you know that you're not alone.
I wish you the best of luck and hope that the sun will start shining through soon. It is a tough world out there for younger people who have no experience to older people who have TOO much experience for employers to want to pay for- we're all working our way through. Good luck to you... and a little puppy never hurt anyone!
posted on August 24, 2004 02:12:23 PM new
Bankruptcy:
I live in Florida and just went through a bankruptcy. My first wife and I divorced 15 years ago and for 15 years I fought the debt battle, stress, nightmares, nasty phone calls etc etc for YEARS. I was really not getting anywhere. The only Cash I ever saw was what I made on Ebay which was at best 10,000 a year.
Few months ago I threw in the towel. I went and saw a CPA I know and after our talk he called the best lawyer in town. It cost me 1000 for the lawyer and 240 court costs. It took me three days to hand fill out the paperwork of who I owe to, address and amount etc and a rinky dinky inventory of assets and I returned it ALL to the staff of the lawyer, several days later I went in got a copy of the lawyers draft, proofed it CAREFULLY and phoned in three minor corrections. Court day was a lark. My lawyer was there and the Judge was not a judge but an assistant. Couple of minor questions and I am out of there. A month later was approved and a month after that I got a letter that was a done deal. I received a couple of nasty letter from one party who just didn't get it, so turned it over to the lawyer who put a quick stop to THAT.
Down the road expect jobs to be a little harder to get as some employers look at applicants credit history. (Illegal but they do it anyway) Your car insurance may go up a tad as your house insurance and that is IT.
Look up bankruptcy on the Internet. Microsoft Money has had many article on this subject recently. If you are going to file do it SOON as the laws may change. File only for chapter 7 never 13.
Never herd of having to write out a after bankruptcy plan but would not be hard.
Look at it this way I saved over 100,000 of money I would have had to pay out so was well worth it and now I am free after years.
Don't go the cheap way get a lawyer and a good one. You'll be glad you did....
posted on August 24, 2004 02:37:59 PM new
if you are close to maxing out on your credit card and nothing else,there may not be a need to file for bankruptcy.
a suggestion would be talk to your BF and assess the mortgage situation,if you can no longer carry your share of the mortgage on ebay sales,and he cannot carry the whole mortgage,it is time to consider selling the house and moving to a small house with smaller mortgage.
Be honest with yourself,days of getting rich or getting by with ebay sales alone is gone.
-sig file -------we eat to live,not live to eat.
Benjamin Franklin
posted on August 24, 2004 07:51:36 PM new
With approx 40% sell through rate over all on eBay, it should be telling all sellers that there are too many listings.
There should be a lot of sellers at the lower end of the sell through rate throwing in the towel. It's just a matter of time.
posted on August 24, 2004 08:16:51 PM new
dear s west, I read your post this morning and have been thinking about you alot today. I urge you strongly to follow the good advise given here to seek some talk therapy. County health offices can help you with some anti-d's. You really need to be on a good anti depressant.I think just reading through everyones responses to you we all go through tough times its how we respond to those times in our lives that is the test of our metal. The very fact that you could type this note out tells me that you are not lost in the depression. After you get some talk help and medical help (pills) get a real job. Let ebay be the thing that you do in the evening. 10 or 20 listings each month. Don't give up but let the Bricks and Morter world help you through this rough time. As for the BF who are any of us to say... that is for you when you are healthier. If he isn't physically beating (or emotionally) on you and is providing some Financial help...good. Things may look different in 6 months ... do get help and a job its more than the money its your self esteme, your self worth. Your in my prayers.
posted on August 24, 2004 10:55:11 PM new
thanks to everyone who replied. i have been trying to bootstrap myself into action today so have not had alot of time to read boards, but i have read every comment in this thread & will mull them over. sure is nice to knwo i'm not alone.
house. we have about $630,000 in equity, yeah over 10 years it really does add up. its sobering when you think that over the past three years the house has "made" far more money than i. i guess i can take pride in making at least one good decision; buying where and when we did.
theres no chance bf will eithr consent to sell or buy me out. he could pay me my share, i know he has the cash but he would rather i stay here. he told me tonite he would continue paying mtg indefinitely if thats what it takes to keep me here. one night w/o fights about money. its a start.
again thank you all so much for the time effort & wisdom. it means alot.
posted on August 25, 2004 12:22:40 AM new
I'm sure you're all wrong.
the republicans say the economy is booming, there are millions of well paying jobs, taxes are lower.... so what's the problem?
$20 each to have mean comments removed. 4 days after an auction ends the bidder leaves me a neg calling me a CROOK. never paid. thank you ebay.
Good luck.
