posted on October 30, 2006 08:31:29 PM new
My 11 year old son REALLY hates to go to the post office with me on shipping days. It usually takes a good hour to buy stamps and adhere them them and I invariably never have the shipments ready until 3:00 when he gets out of school. I am trying to alter my work behavior to minimize the affect on him but the nagging question remains - how old is old enough to be left alone? For how long?
I have left him alone for quick trips for groceries (less than half hour). We live in an urban neighborhood with few children and many street people. I do not feel safe having him play alone outside (neither does he). He is distracted easily but otherwise responsible and has a very good instinct of what feels 'safe'.
He also hates going with me to postcard shows (at least 5 hours- I've missed several of them because of the distress it would cause him)and my postcard club's board meetings (2 hours at night). He begs to be left home alone, and I'm tempted. He is usually at the computer, which I can see at all times. We have discussed computer safety a gazillion times but I'm still worried that he is very vulnerable. I don't want to be an over-protective mom but I want to keep him safe. Any suggestions?
posted on October 30, 2006 08:45:57 PM new
IMHO an hour alone in the afternoon, for a responsible 11 yo kid, is ok--with instructions that he is not to go out or have anyone over. Night time meetings may be another story. He might be a little young for that. Also, 5 hours of being left to his own devices while you are at shows makes me nervous. Too much temptation for an 11 year old. Does he have a friend he can stay with for a "play date" while you go to the shows? If not, maybe you can persuade him to go with you with a promise of a movie or bowling or other activity later. These are the kinds of tough decisions that gave me my gray hair
posted on October 30, 2006 09:21:11 PM new
I wouldn't leave him alone for 5 hours in the setting you describe. Having said that, it sounds to me like he's making as many of the rules as you are. If it was me and making him unhappy going to a show I wanted or needed to attend was necessary, well then he'd just have to figure out how to smile and like it because I'll be darned if a bored kid is going to spoil an income opportunity. Tell him to get a book to read, get up on his hind legs and get in the car.
____________________________________________
Grow your own Dope. Plant a Republican.
posted on October 30, 2006 09:52:41 PM new
I'm with the prof here. Five hours is too long. Two hours at night may be too long, too. Do you have anyone you can trade playdates with? Or would it be feasible to get a sitter for those 2- and 5-hour stints?
Some school districts have after-school activities for kids whose parents work. Perhaps you could look into that possibility.
If I had to leave him alone after school, I'd be tempted to have a trusted person watch to see if he does go outside, the first few times. Or get a security camera. These days, we cannot be too careful with our kids!
posted on October 30, 2006 11:20:20 PM new
Thanks,all. It seems that you agree with my basic instincts. I'll continue to bring him along to my postcard shows and night meetings. It's hard because at his age, I was babysitting and a year older, was riding the the bus alone downtown for shopping (I remember getting on the bus of the wrong side of the street and ending up in St. Paul instead of Mpls downtown). Play 'dates' seems so foreign to me but I utilize them often to facilitate kids having fun, even at the expense of my business.
posted on October 30, 2006 11:34:45 PM new
Why don't you buy the stamps and apply them at home. Your son could assist in applying the stamps, when he comes home from school, and help you to take the packages to the USPS. Pay him for his help.
Include him in the activities of the show. I take my 12 yr. old to stamp shows, and let him purchase topical stamps. We usually discuss the topic before we go. He seems to like the idea.
As for the meetings, he can keep busy for two hours. Bring him along.
posted on October 30, 2006 11:47:03 PM new
Hmm. My son is 11, and I can't/won't leave him home alone for more than 10 minutes when I run to the store. Usually I just take him with me whether he likes it or not!
He has ADHD, so his attention span is very short, and he has trouble remembering things. I can't imagine leaving him home for an hour alone. The things he gets into while I am home are bad enough!
A friend of mine has an 11 year old, and she leaves him home alone for an hour or so at a time. She says it makes her nervous, but he is a very careful and responsible child and so totally different than mine that it's like apples to oranges!
Bottom line, I think you should do what you feel comfortable with. If it makes you nervous, there is probably a good reason for it and that is your cue to not leave him alone for a long period. All kids are different. Besides, it won't be long to where you are sitting home wishing he was there, and when he is there wishing he would take his teen age attitude someplace else!
posted on October 31, 2006 03:18:06 AM new
I think being allowed to stay home alone for an hour would be a great privilege that he would not want to lose by being irresponsible. I was left alone for many more hours than that when I was that age but it was 50 years ago, living in the country, and a whole 'nother thing. I would try the hour first and then maybe next year progress to one two hour time frame to see how it goes. Happiness to you both.
posted on October 31, 2006 05:24:59 AM new
Pixiamom, You mention what I was thinking. When I was 12 I was babysitting neighborhood kids. It is also true that I lived in a rural company housing compound and not in an urban area and my parents were just a short distance away if I had a problem. You know your child and situation and seem uncomfortable with leaving him alone. Trust your instincts.
-----o----o----o----o----o----o----o----o
“The illiterate of the future will be the person ignorant of the use of the camera as well as of the pen.”
Maholy-Nagy, Vision in Motion, 1947
posted on October 31, 2006 07:39:10 AM new
You're the mommy.
You pay the bills.
You make the rules.
If you allow him to manipulate you with the whining now, he will know that it works and that mommy can be easily manipulated and things will only get worse in the future.
Have you ever met a 40 year old man who whines when he doesn't get his way? I have. Ugh. Nip it in the bud NOW.
posted on October 31, 2006 07:56:37 AM new
Every child is different. Some are more mature and responsible than others. It would really depend on your child. I wouldn't do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. You know your child better than anyone else.
I was babysitting by the time I was 12. But, things were vastly different back then. Children were better behaved (this was before the right to discipline your child was removed from home and schools). Personally, in this day and age I'd be hard pressed to leave an 11 year old home alone for more than an hour.
This is just a thought. What if you try leaving him alone for progressively longer lengths of time? Tell him you're going somewhere, but really try spying on him to see how he's doing. My parents did that from time to time. I think he's trying to become more independent. My son pulled the same thing. He's trying to be his own boss while forgetting that you are the real boss. I remember my son saying, "You aren't the boss of me." LOL! He got a real dose of reality after saying that to me.
