posted on July 3, 2001 08:54:16 AM
WASHINGTON, D.C. July 2nd (DF)- Doctors at George Washington University in the nation's capital have confirmed that they have installed more than just a pacemaker into the Vice President's chest. Over the weekend, our sources learned that the Vice President was given a new metalic arm that is ten times stronger than his old arm. This is reportedly to be used to better strongarm Congressman and Senators to vote for the Presidents agenda, and to keep any potential defectors at bay. He also was given a pair of laser beam eyes that can penetrate deep into a political opponent or wayward congressman's eyes, making resistance to Cheney or the President's agenda futile.
"Once we had him in the OR, it made sense to add these additional features to the Vice President." said Dr. Kuchrarmacha of George Washington University Hospital. "But despite these features, and perhaps a few features that may have been installed without our knowledge, the Vice President can function as any normal human being would." No one is quite sure why the Vice President was enhanced, although sources suggest that it is the idea of White House political genius Karl Rove, who was concerned that the aging Cheney had missed the defection of Senator Jeffords, and ordered a top to bottom review of what could be done to avoid another embarrasment for the President's agenda.
There are rumors that additonal features were added to Cheney, such as a videocam that could follow President Bush wherever he might wander, and a radar device that can detect new sources of oil and coal. But sources were
unable to confirm this at press time. There were also some reports that the devices may be functioning too well, which is concerning GW doctors. Some sources claim they saw Vice President Cheney scale and jump over the iron bar fence that surrounds the White House, instead of going through normal security procedures. And GW doctors were concerned that Cheney may have been unaturally aggressive in some White House meetings, and may have even tried to use his new cyberpower to choke an intern who jammed the photocopier.
posted on July 3, 2001 10:40:15 AM
Oh James! The Illuminati! Haven't heard any talk about that little secret society in a long while! They did have a wonderful progam on TV the other night about the Skull and Bones secret society that practicaly all of our leaders belong to as well as another even more secret society that meets abroad once a year to discuss the world and includes even Dan Rather apparently. Interesting show, wish I'd been more alert.
On topic..
So now Cheney can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'...We can call him Timex.
posted on July 3, 2001 11:59:59 AM
Conspiracy theorists can't resist claiming that that the Illuminatti are also Freemasons. All one has to do is to drop into any masonic chat or message board to get an earful. If the illuminatti do exist, and they're Christian as well, then I wonder why conspiracy theorists don't jump up and down abou tthat?
